If he's "just a friend", why am I scared to go the next step with him?
March 26, 2009 9:29pm CST
I know the answer to this right away: I don't want to lose him as a great friend if things don't work out. But...let me give you a history of him. We met almost seven years ago at work. He was married at the time and I had gotten my first taste of freedom from my second divorce. He was only around the work area for several months then quit his job there. Amazingly enough, we've kept in touch all these long years. Yeah, we've had our dry spells but thanks to Facebook we were able to pick up the pieces. This was back during the time I got together with the redheaded soldier but as I said, this man and I were just friends. He since I saw him on his last day at work has gone through a rough divorce and has been single for several years. Even before my boyfriend broke up with me, my friend always commented how loyal and trusting he'd be towards me. There are other comments he'd made (all of them gentlemantly, I assure you) that made me know of his feelings towards me. However, I kept true to my soldier until the Spc. suggested we be friends. So, now I'm free. But my friend is starting to step forth from his corner and join me in the light. Actually, I'm scared. I've been hurt by men so many times I can't count anymore. But, this man is different. For one, he's around my age, only five years young or so. He's got a great job, a car and a house. What does materialist things have to do with anything? Well, two of the three previous men I've been very serious with didn't have any of those things. Granted, my friend has two children from his previous marriage but I have four...and we both love kids. We can talk for hours on the phone if we could and he's always cheerful. He's the kind of person my children nudges me towards, but what if things didn't turn out? Should I let my past mistakes hold me back from what could be the...one? *Pleiades
1 Apr 09
well all i can say is , u like this man very much and he and you can have a real nice relationship if you both try hard for it. You are afraid that if things messed up you might loose a friend. The fear is real and can hold back lots and lots of people. He must be thinking same way. Yes car, house and money do have meaning in a relationship as many relationships go sour because there is not enough in the home. But just think one thing..if u let your fear over take your desire to be with him, would you not regret whole of your life if he goes to someone else because you were afraid to commit?
• United States
1 Apr 09
I read your response...and felt myself saying, "Yeah!" nearly the whole time. I even felt a bit of tears as the words couldn't been...more supportive or truer. I don't want to go through my life in regret if he goes with someone else...because he's really, the best man I've ever known. *Pleiades
1 Apr 09
Pleiades i hope you and him get together real quick because if you prolong longer it might be too long. Once you have reached the decision you must act on it. Now decide how you would act on it and now wait for him to act. I would pray to god kamdev, hindu god of love to have his blessings on you ( please dont mind as i only him as god of love but if u feel offended because of god from other religion then if u would want i would ask Lord Jesus to help you) Btw thanks for best response.
• United States
29 Mar 09
So, why not date him? You do not have to rush it at all. Yes, you are friends and like each other so, why don't you date and take it slow on getting to know each other. You know courting something most people skip but take it from me it is one of the best parts. The meetings in the park to have a nice picnic or a stroll on the beach holding hands. Get to really know each other in person and no not just the bedroom but, what is his favorite meal or your and things like that. If it is meant to be just let it happen but, don't force it or rush it. If not great you got to know your friend better and got to date them. No regrets! So, just take it like you would if he was your first boyfriend and your just dating! No funny stuff and be home by dark young lady! LOL Have fun and good luck! **Peace and Love get's you through everything in Life**