What would you do about a friend who seems too judgemental?
By geogirl85
@geogirl85 (116)
United States
March 29, 2009 8:39pm CST
I have this friend, who is very outgoing, and gets along with most people. When it comes to her own family, on the other hand, she always seems to have issues. She has two brother who are married, and she absolutely hates her sisters-in-law. I've met them repeatedly, and they seem nice enough to me. She also hates her husbands sister-in-law, again for reasons that I can't quite understand.
I know that she is entitled to her own opinions, but she seems to think that I should also dislike these people, by being rude or argumentative when they are around. So far, I have refused to play along, but I would really like to know why this usually open minded person hates these other reasonable people so much.
What would you do if you were in this situation, or has anyone out there been in a similar situation?
4 responses
@Carolinaqt782 (193)
• United States
30 Mar 09
i think i would come right out and ask her what it is she doesn't like about them. say something along the lines of, "i haven't really noticed them do anything to me, but i don't know them extremely well. what is it that you don't like about them?" by adding that you don't know them that well(even if you may), it doesn't sound like you're attacking her anything(not that you would be, but she may think it that way).
as for why she feels this way about them, i was going to ask if it was possible she's just very protective with her family members and likes attention to be on her?
@geogirl85 (116)
• United States
30 Mar 09
She does like for attention to be on her, but it's hard to tell if that's the whole story. In the end, I guess what I want is a way to stop her from bringing me into her opinions.
@lingli_78 (12822)
• Australia
30 Mar 09
i will definitely voice my opinion to her and ask her directly why she dislikes these people so much... what had they done to her and if i can i will try to change her opinions... if i can't, then i wouldn't follow her advice to dislike these people as well... i didn't see a reason to dislike them if they never done anything to hurt me... take care and have a nice day...
@miamilady (4910)
• United States
30 Mar 09
One of my sisters is somewhat like that. She'd kill me if she saw this!
What do I do? I spend time with her, at times, and then sometimes I back away for a while.
If it was a friend, I don't know. It depends on how close you are. It depends on her personality. I might tell her how I feel, or I might just gradually start easing out of the friendship.
I don't like it when people try to controll how I act and I have a hard time with people who are overly judgemental (although I do think we are all guilty of it a little bit, sometimes).
@TLChimes (4822)
• United States
30 Mar 09
I have been in that spot. I was told that because one friend didn't like others, I shouldn't be friends with them.
I actually had to let go of someone I thought of as a close friend because of it. I didn't know it but in the end it worked out for the best.
I would try to talk about the why of it, the reasons she feels so bad about them. I wouldn't choose between them with out a good reason.
I can't really tell you what to do but I know that I respect the friends I kept more for not asking me to pick between them and my other friend.
