relationship advice to all!!!!

Canada
April 4, 2009 5:49pm CST
i had a horrible 20 years of trying to find the right one. horrible in that i think i would just settle for whoever wanted me. i just wanted to be loved, and someone to care for me. i also had a major problem with taking in 'man childs' where they need you to take care of them as if they are kids.. well, that had to stop as soon as i had my own kids! so i got me some divorce papers..there goes my life being blown up in front of my face, there goes me splitting up the family and ruining everyones lives blah blah blah.. anyways, we learn, that is what life is about. all the crappy relationships you've been in, or ARE in, your learning from it. the only thing here is, are your going to use your knowledge? or throw it away and keep making the same mistakes all over again? that's how i use to be..until one day i had an epiphany! I CAN BE HAPPY ON MY OWN! from that day, i was single. single raising my kids and i learned to do it, alone. i was so 'wise' by that time i wasn't about to take in anymore men for quite a while. i had to stop for a bit, get to know myself more, relax, and do things for me that would make me happy. i took a nice year long break, to get my head together. i ALWAYS knew what i wanted from a partner, ALWAYS knew what i needed, but kept sucking in the guys who were so wrong for me..but now? i can finally be happy on my own and know that no one else can truely make me happy but me. i must have my own 'hobbies' n 'activities' for me and only me forever. it's VERY important you do this! because it seems SO easy to get sooooo involved with your new found partner that you actually forget about yourself, and what USE to make you happy before you met them. because what if that relationship fails?? you have NOTHING to fall back on. if you do not love yourself, you cannot love anyone else. you HAVE to find ways to make your own life pleasing to you without relying on anyone else to do it. once you reach that point, only THEN are you ready to try again. after my year long break, someone came into my life. someone who had all the qualities that i wanted and needed for soooooooooooooooo long. even though i wasn't looking to get into a relationship, it's happened. i cannot throw a good thing away. i beleive once you are ready to accept the person who you'll end up with, he or she will come into your life out of no where :) but again, you must love yourself, you must love your life, you must be comfortable with yourself and your life. you must do things for yourself to tell yourself that you love you!! treat yourself! warning signs! it's only been a month with your new partner and your already thinking of what to write in the breakup letter your going to give him/her. yet you stay together trying to 'make it work', only knowing that deep down this is not what you want. "but maybe he/she will change!!! i have to keep trying!" NO!! don't EVER do that. no one changes. if he/she is not the one for you, then end it. don't prolong it only to still breakup years down the road, instead of a month along. any questions? i'd love to answer!!!!!! :)
4 responses
@larish (2195)
• Philippines
4 Apr 09
Does he make you happy? Do you miss him when he is not around? Do you want to grow grow old alone?
• Canada
4 Apr 09
yes he does make me very happy but i feel great in knowing that i could still be happy without a man. yes i miss him when he's not around i will never grow old alone, i have two kids and always will have them :p
@larish (2195)
• Philippines
4 Apr 09
How sure are you your kids won't leave you? Are you living with your parents now? Do you have your individuality when you're with him?
@forslahiri (1042)
• India
5 Apr 09
Hi, So what's the learnings? Donot Trust 'men'?There is no Real Love for U? U'll stay Happy with Ur Kids,rest of life?Will not search for that 'vaccum' to fillup with 'Mr.right'again?Are U an expert now todifferentiate Mask & real face? Too many questions?I think answers will come straight from Ur Heart(notso much from Brain)straight & Crisp! =Lahiri,Kolkata,India.
• Canada
5 Apr 09
my learnings are, love yourself, KNOW yourself, know what makes YOU happy, know how to live a good life and be happy without feeling the NEED to rely on others. don't consume yourself in a relationship and forget about YOU. it's all 50/50. know you'll be OK if the relationship fails and will have things to fall back on. :)
@cindyhxf (1447)
• China
5 Apr 09
Hi i could understand your feel and it is good for your relationship advice.yes,when people suffered some failed relationship.they woke up and know what they want for next relationship.in fact,we are not always know what we really need or something we need but we could'nt get cause things are not just controled by one person.you made a good point that peple must love themselves first then go to love others.Take care.
• Singapore
4 Apr 09
ya do understand your feeling, a lot gals in the world , they normally forgot how to love them self, they know how the love other only, like me before, i love my Ex so much no matter what he want i give him. end up just a word break.. everything gone, your afford and time gone. before you love others think will you be forever at age of 16 ??? you will not young forever , if you love him just to let him happy, and not you yourself happy won't be long, after 6year later you feel tired ,you feel up sad... and that all.......and come to the END.