Mom........not to feel guilty?
• United States
6 Apr 09
My father left my mother when I was around 11, and I was glad to see him go. Not because I didn't like him, but because I wanted him to be happy and he wasn't happy with my mother. My father has shared with me he would have taken us if he could, and he worried about how we'd turn out. I did ok, but my brother is now in prison. The sad thing is, my mother is still bitter and she is the one that caused the issues. When they were married she spent like a wild woman, constantly leaving them with no monies to pay bills, and a host of other things. She's a bitter woman now and has never had a nice thing to say about my father. Though she'll swear "I never spoke bad about him" yet in the next sentence say "He never cared for you, I did it all". So, no, I don't feel guilty that I've tried to build a relationship with my father. No, it's not perfect. He has his own family, I'm grown, and we don't see each other. However, I get the updates on his family geneology that he's working on, and that's cool. My mom can stay bitter, that's her choice. I wish you luck in your new found relationship. Don't get it up because someone else is bitter or depressed. She has to deal with that herself. You cannot be responsible for her emotions. Namaste-Anora
5 Apr 09
My daughter's family walked away when she was 10 and told her he was starting a new life. It killed her and she took in very personally. We had been separated since she was in my stomach so it wasn't a dig on me but her. I saw her pain. Now I know that a large reason he walked wasn't her but his serious hate on for me and child support. He resents paying so much he can't look past it to her. They never did build a loving relationship to keep it alive or anything. Now if she is 30 with a family of her own and he was to reappear I think it would be very hard for me too. He wasn't here when she needed it most. Why not a letter or card to show you care? Nothing at all? And now I have to see her love him unconditionally the way child will always love their parents (warts and all). It would be hard for me. So I can understand that she may be having hard feelings about that. Plus the pain of not being able to have her son with her and now he is there and you know him and it is reminding her all the time of giving him up to your dad and going back home. Which that must have been hard to do too. It is probably bringing up so many mixed feelings about a very difficult time in her life. I think that you are right not to "hide" things from her but also reassure her how much you love her and are happy with how she has been there for you always.