I've Avoided This Discussion . . .!

United States
April 24, 2009 12:09am CST
Yes, I've avoided this discussion like the plague. Why? I have so many health problems, the worst being emphysema and I feel jinxed becaused my mom died with it after a little under 5 years and her brother (my uncle who has had it right around 5 years) has hospice coming in because he is at the end of his life because of it and my dad has a small case of it and I've had it for three years now. My family seems cursed with it. I'm so afraid of making long term plans because every day my breathing gets worse, I use my Proventil Inhaler more and more and my Albuterol Nebulizer twice as much as I used to. I'm afraid I'm slowly dying. I know most people would say "make the most of what you have left." But fear is a funny thing. There are two things I do want to do, however, and they don't require long-term planning. One is go to Pennsylvania and see MY family (my dad, sister, niece, twin brother, nephews, etc.) I haven't seen anyone in almost six years and my sister says my dad is not doing real well. I didn't see my mom before she died (not that my dad is dying, but I really miss him), and the second thing is to make another trip to Tacoma, Washington to see my two grandsons (one is 2 1/2 the other 18 mos.) and my son. With flights so cheap, there really isn't any excuse NOT to go to both places. My family is in Pittsburgh, and I haven't checked into that airline flight, so we shall see. Other than that, my life if sort of up in the air. I signed up for two dating sites, but two things are holding me back. The first I covered; who wants a sick woman and the second is I rent a room from a 78 year-old man and for some reason, he thinks we are boyfriend and girlfriend! I've not or never led him on or given him any indication we were more than anything more than landlord/tenant. He is older than my dad, for Pete's sake! If I did find someone to date, I know I would hurt him terribly, so I haven't pursued that avenue, even though I really would like to, even if it's just for companionship. Another thing I want to do with my life is to rescue a dog from the pound. I want to go there and get one that's on "death row." My target date on that is June 3rd. No puppies, tho. An adult dog maybe 4 or 5 years old, housebroken and reasonably calm that likes to walk on a leash and behaves in the house (no chewing furniture). Medium in size; maybe 30-40 pounds. I so miss having a dog around the house. After watching "The Dog Whisperer" I think I'd make a pretty good pack leader! That's my list. I really think it's doable, don't you?
1 response
@marguicha (102121)
• Chile
24 Apr 09
I should go to sleep. But I read your post and want to answer it. By all means go to see your loved ones! I work online and earn here enough for wonderful vacations. No reason why you shouldn´t too. Just don´t use the money for anything else, except if it´s an urgency. First reason not to go:a stupid one, if you´ll excuse me. They all want their mom, granma, daughter, etc. You are not a sick woman: you are someone they love who happens to be sick (as some of them are too). And about your b/f, you just tell him you´ll be away for a spell, visiting your family. Period. If he sulks, it´s his problem. I suggest you go get your dog when you come back. No need to tell your landlord about the dog beforehand. As for dying, we are all going to die. And noone knows when. Meanwhile, how about living a nice life without so many fears? I think the worst thing is being alone. I´m a widow and live alone. I have been thinking of doing something useful so that I don´t think so many bad things. My brother just gaveme a puppy ( to help there) and it surely is keeping me working. I have had to move my whole cacti collection. She is going to be a gardener when she grows up: meanwhile she makes holes. A big hug. Keep us posted about your trip plans