HE SAID, HE MEANT......have had you experience this..?

confused - are u confused..do u think he really meant..
Philippines
April 25, 2009 9:19am CST
When my bf and I were a new couple, he kept saying how his ex was great because she was very patient and lenient when it came to him going out with his friends. I told him that maybe he and his ex should get back together since he always compared me to her. Then he said he didnt love her anymore. He was just telling me her good quallities so i could try to be the same, too...
3 people like this
22 responses
• United States
26 Apr 09
I hate to say this, but most of the time when a person keeps talking about their ex they are not over that relationship. If he keeps talking about how good and lenient she was why are they not still together? Sit this guy down and ask him these questions and tell him to tell you how he really feels about you from the heart. Tell him how uncomfortable it makes you feel when he talks about her because you feel that you have to be in contest with her. hopefully that works!
• Philippines
26 Apr 09
thanks handlng..:) well i hope it will work...i really like what u said..you gve me strnght and u made me think.. "does his gf really like that..and thnk that then why did they break up"..nice..xoxo thanks :) happy mylotting
• Philippines
26 Apr 09
oopss..wrong..lol.. i read the wrong message supposed ly from the other comment.. anyways.. thanks handling... i really apreciate your advice..do u really thnk guys talkig about ex is still wnt their ex..and they arre still not over wth that relationship..and he cant get out of it...? well i hope not..xoxo :)
• United States
26 Apr 09
That is soooo unfair. I wouldn't put up with it. Having been there myself I would say be careful. I don't think this is enough to jump the boat on BUT be careful and be sure to make sure that everything else is good. It may be that he's on the rebound and you don't want to see yourself get hurt by it.
• Philippines
26 Apr 09
yeah i feel so sh*t..when i heard that from him...coz its really unfair..so sometimes i just compare him wtih my ex too..which is i really dont like..coz i know how it feel to be compared.. thanks:) xoxo:)
• United States
26 Apr 09
Maybe instead of doing the same thing in return, the next time he does this you could just nip it in the butt and tell him it makes you feel like sh*t. Who knows, maybe he don't realize he's doing it.
• Philippines
26 Apr 09
Dear please get out of the relationship immediately no matter how it hurts, its an unhealthy relationship for the both of you especially you. For you because his trying to change you to be his ex, he still wants to see the reflection of his ex with you, having said that, he's just using you for his fancies. I'm sorry for those words but make up your mind, free your self. Your boyfriend is not yet settled with his past relationship. I know it will really hurts you a lot but come to think of it, a man who truly loves a woman will never ever try to change you. If he truly loves you in the first place he will not compare you to anyone especially with his ex. It is good that you told him about that. Girl, I always believe that everyone deserves the very best in life, you deserves the best so don't settle for less and waste your time for someone who doesn't really deserves you.
• Philippines
26 Apr 09
don't say sorry purple..its ok.. maybe yeah you are right that he is not yet settled wth his past..but its not that easy..its so easy to say but its hard to do..well this is so hard.. thanks purple.. xoxo :)
@xixi_abby (211)
• Indonesia
26 Apr 09
Hi, yup i ever but my BF never tell me to change like his ex. if someone really love you he won't ask you to change like someone. anyone have their special and unique things. someone can't be like other. if we love someone it's mean that we can accept their bad and good right. it's really make me confuse with your BF. Why u must be the same with his ex? be yourself dear. Thank you and have a nice day :D
• Philippines
26 Apr 09
ohh.. thank abby..:) have anice day too..happy mylotting
@MasonL (97)
• Trinidad And Tobago
26 Apr 09
Hey onlyllyzie you told him the right thing,don't let him lie to you, let him go back to his Ex-girlfriend, if he loves you he will not compare you with his ex-girlfriend, you are not his ex-girlfriend, you have your own personalities and don't let him take that away from you. Don't let him intimidate you, he does not worth it, he seems to be trying to play with your intelligence don't let him do that to you, if he tells you those things again tell him as it is, You are not his Ex-girlfriend, and if he want's he can go back with her. If he says that his Ex-girlfriend had such good qualities why did he leave her in the first palce? Think on that.
• Philippines
26 Apr 09
thanks for participating and advice..xoxo :)
• United States
25 Apr 09
Run like the wind! if the ex was so great why didn't he stay with her. If he wants you to be like her, she probably left him and no doubt for a good reason. If he can't accept you for who are faults and all, it's not worth it especially if he wants you to be like his ex. Sounds suspect to me, get out before it gets too deep.
• Philippines
26 Apr 09
hi ms.BoomBoom... i already told him that why he didnt just come back wth his ex.. but sound like a great idea.. :D xoxo :) thanks. happy mylotting :)
• United States
25 Apr 09
Oh my sweety... I would have lost my mind. If he wants to be with someone like her.... Let him be! You be you honey, and stand up for yourself. Don't let him try to mold you! Do you!!
• Philippines
26 Apr 09
thanks youre so sweet.. xoxo :) lizzie
@drdivu (1011)
• India
25 Apr 09
well, I have gone thro exactly same situation one year back and have written my story and taken support of mylotters too.. please get over this and move on..leave him..he is exactly like my ex from whom i m trying my level best to break free..think over it now before its too late..best wishes from my side..
• Philippines
26 Apr 09
hi drdivu...do you think i really have to leave him? just beacause he keeps on comparing me with his ex..? is that enough reason for me to leave him? or should i stay for him to see that im far much better and different from her ex.. thanks.. xoxo :)
@kerriannc (4282)
• Jamaica
25 Apr 09
Hi dear welcome to MYLOT so he want you to be like his ex girlfriend. If you truly love him and he keeping comparing you let him know that you are different and he should like you for your qualities and personality. If it is that he love to be around his friend my dear don't make this be a problem to you to let him know that you want to spent time with him different than the normal time and so he should accommodate you whenever time he is planning his events. Love is a funny thing and we should always have patience and compromise. Don't allow this to bring animosity between you.
• Philippines
26 Apr 09
hi kerriancc..thanks for your advice... xoxo :)
• United States
25 Apr 09
OMG sweety you need to get out now. If he is trying to change you this early in the relationship then he doesn't truly love you. And to talk about his ex like that isn't fair to you either. I bet it hurts you a lot to hear that. I think you need to reconsider this relationship. My fiance has friends and I don't mind him having time with them as long as we get time during the day to. So he makes sure to give me sometime as well if only for an hour it is still time. This was when we were dating. I would definitly think about this relationship. If he is not willing to compromise as well then he is showing you something about who he will be in your relationship. Do you want that?
@kdmlrys (400)
• United States
26 Apr 09
I agree, talking about exes in front of your wife is not really a good idea. Probably not a good sign either. It's much better to talk about your future life as a couple rather than past relationships. If I were you, I would tell him, "The past is past dude, get rid of that sh** already!"
• United States
27 Apr 09
OMG I can't believe he said that. If he wants someone to be that lenient then he really need to be with his ex. I know my NOW husband use to tell me about his exs but he never told me he wanted to have their qualities. Everyone has their pet P's but he should have said this is what I like in a person.... Never try to make someone what they are not. It will never last and it will only bring pain and misery. He was bold for saying that.
• China
27 Apr 09
Well, he should have known that you are a different girl from his ex. So, if he want you to be similar to his ex, he may not love you that much.
26 Apr 09
Just tell him that's cool he can hang with his friends and you will do the same also it is very important when in a relationship not to drop your friends because they will need to know that they are just as important as your new relationship. And it is good to keep a certain amount of independence mgraham126
• Philippines
26 Apr 09
This is a clear sign that they guy that you married never liked or even love you for what you are and even compare her to you. I think he's lying when he said she didn't love her anymore. I do believe that he just want's you to occupy for what her ex has left of. YOu should keep fighting for your beliefs and for "you". don't let a guy change you just because you love him.if he doesn't stop then you have no choice but to let him go.
@berrys (865)
• Singapore
26 Apr 09
try explaining to him that he's in a new relationship now and its with you not his ex. if he wants you to become his ex so much, why did he dump her in the first place. tell him that your happy that he's fine with his ex and that you do not appreciate being compared to his ex all the time. tell him your not her and you guys are different people generally. hopefully your relationship gets better and that its worth it to stick with him. i wish you all the luck in future challenges. good luck. stay strong. cheers love.
@shibham (17025)
• India
26 Apr 09
hai there, don't try to be same with others. everyone of this world is unique and there is nothing to compare with. u know better what really u are. keep it up. always think ---------- i am only one, but i am one. i can't do everything but i can do something. and what i can do, that i ought to do. and what i ought to do by the grace of god i shall do. have a nice day.
@jkatmaou (195)
• Philippines
26 Apr 09
well, you have to let him know that you're your own person. personally, i like it when my guy tells me stories about his past girlfriends, but he never compares me to them. it could be that he truly doesnt love her anymore, but he has made her his standard. it might affect your current and future situation.
@cieldz (711)
• Indonesia
26 Apr 09
i have a same experience too like u... my ex boyfriend kept talking bout how great his ex girlfriend and thats really annoying me so much... i talked to him and tell him how much i dont like to be compare to anyone, and including his ex girlfriend... she is she, and im what i am, and i dont want to be change like her..cos im not her...i like to be the way i am...just me, myself, and i...
@mymhie5 (118)
• Philippines
26 Apr 09
you should tell to him that his ex was different attitude and you dont have any things to do if he loves you then he love you as you are
@Pleiades (847)
• United States
25 Apr 09
Oh...that's baaaad. *lol* I'm sorry, but he could have said how he wished you to be in a nicer way than comparing you to the ex. But, don't worry...I have a friend who has problems expressing himself with words. He tries to say one thing but it reads something else and he ends up shooting himself in the foot. Because I care about him very much, I find that I have to be kind and understanding. Me not jumping to conclusions is very difficult but I know he doesn't mean to hurt me. For you, I'd suggest you talk to your man about this. But, you said "new couple" and haven't mentioned if he still does this. Either way, communication is a definite MUST. Establish these things now before it gets out of hand. *Pleiades