Being a Stepparent
By Manna02
@Manna02 (86)
United States
May 1, 2009 8:32pm CST
At the age of 18, I took on the responsibility of being a mother as well as being a stepmother to two. I have two stepdaughters with different mothers, neither of whom were married to my husband. Four years ago, my younger stepdaughter became a ward of the state due to neglect and abuse. We happily took her in and obtained full custody of her. She was quite young, and I am the only mother that she can remember having. Lately, however, her real mother has been trying to get back into the picture (after four years!). She is threatening legal action if we do not let her visit. We have told her that we are open to short visits, but that she has to understand that she doesn't even remember her. I worry myself sick sometimes thinking about the worst outcomes of a new judge's decision. Are there any other stepmoms and stepdads out there in similar boats?
2 responses
@marguicha (216543)
• Chile
2 May 09
I´m sure you will have no problem. The state keeps papers when there´s neglect and abuse. If you have full custody, I don´t see how she can get her back. Judge´s aren´t dumb, sweetie. I know because, in my country, my youngest daughter is a family judge. And they seek the child´s welfare.
@Manna02 (86)
• United States
3 May 09
Lol, no I don't suppose they are dumb...it was one in the first place that awarded us custody in the first place. I should quit being a pessimist and just think the best. Your daughter must have seen her share of ugly cases. It would really be hard to work with, but rewarding in the end when you were able to place the children in a better place. Thank you for the reassurance.
@magrylouyu (1627)
• United States
2 May 09
I am not in the same boat as you. Except the fact of becoming a stepmom at 18. That I did do to a 2 year old boy. Personally I wouldnt allow the mother to see her and talk this over with hubby. See what he thinks is best for his daughter. I know my husband would not allow that from my stepsons mother. She isnt really even apart of his life as it is maybe 2 weekends a month if he is lucky. My husband has had custody for a 2 1/2 years now. I would let the judge decided what he/she would think. I would think after 4 years the girl would be happier and better off with her father and yourself. My stepson's biological mother just got taken to court on 8 counts of child neglect and basicly got a slap on the wrist. She has to have 12 months good behavior or the judge is going to pull her parental legal rights. I hope the best for you and that everything works out, it is hard trying to be a stepmom and trying to get what is best for the child.
@Manna02 (86)
• United States
3 May 09
Thank you - it is hard being a stepmom. The real mom has hardly been a part of her life since we've had her. In fact, instead of showing up for the custody hearing, she decided to go out of state with a new boyfriend. She's been moving around since day one to avoid ever having to pay child support. Finally I put a complaint in about that to our case worker, and they were able to track her down and set up a contempt of court hearing. If she misses one more payment in the future, she has to spend six months in a correctional facility. I don't know how strict they are with enforcing that, but I was glad it happened. That's when she decided to try to get her foot in the door again, because she misses the extra child support income she used to get from my hubby, and she hates paying it herself. Ugh, I hate it when people see children as big money signs instead of little people with feelings, too.
