Divorce....

Zephyr, i am sorry about it and i know it's a very difficult situation to go through. The only you can do is talk to both of them and ask them if there is a way out..if they are willing to give each other one more last chance before the end up there relationship. Ask you mom not to file a case so early. And try to talk to them separately and tell you father how you feel about him and how nice he has been to you all these years and that's the reason you don't want to lose him. But at the end if they don't seem to agree and they want to get rid of each other then respect their decision as it is their life and they have to decide what to do about it. I pray that God help you find a better solution to this problem. Regards.

I really feel sorry for your mother , i am sure as a daughter you have a lot of concern for your mother and i appreciate that. after all now shen her spouce has moved out there is only her own kids who r going to be with her in her most difficult period of life . You have to act as an anchor for her , and support her emotionally .Try to help her as much as you can and i am sure you will cos your concern is evident when you have opened a discussion here. I can relate to your problem because my parents are also going through a tough phase in life . and i have already accepted this fact that with time people do fall out of love .the only suggestion i have for you in this diffcult phase is to be POSITIVE. when u r positve , your positivity will reflect and it will effect not only your mother but also your brother too.Fore most you will have to deal with the responsibility she has of her job and of the farm she owns, you and your brother obviously cannot devote full time in helping her cos you both have your own respective life,family,nad house to look after. So try to get someone hired who can help in managing the daily affairs of the farm and try to organise your mother life in this way. Also make sure she remains healthy cos depression effetcs much more than nay disease. Make sure she is taking care of her food habbits etc cos at this age women grow weeker and weeker . try to make her participate in any meditation course it will provide her the peace of mind she really needs. in the end just get rid of all the NEGATIVITY , it will help you as a person and as a daughter ! i wish you mother finds peace

ZephyrSun, You should try to solder both, rather than supporting one side. Indeed mom is more in ranking. But dad also should be considered. Let them go for some counseling or let both of the talk freely and decide. Divorce is a bad decision always. There is nothing called giving a break! what he mean by giving break. Weren't they nice in living together at home?

I'm sorry that this is happening to you and your mom, I know divorce is REALLY tough on the couple AND the kids no matter HOW grown they are! I don't have any experience in this area to be able to offer any useful advice, my parents were together until my dad passed away, but I wanted to pop in to let you know that I care. All I can suggest is you be there for your mom to talk to, and help if you can (although I know you have your own responsibilities). I don't know if it is out of place to suggest this, but as mom is getting older, and will be alone, perhaps you might want to recommend downsizing, you know, so she won't have such huge responsibilities to shoulder alone. Would she be wiling to sell the farm or a portion of it so she could have a bit more money for herself and less work to do? Even if she didn't sell the farm, maybe there is a way to make it less work for her, perhaps leasing some of the operation out or something, I dunno, I'm not really knowledgeable about farming. Whatever happens, the best thing you can do as her adult child is simply be her friend, listen to her and let her know that she is loved and that she's got someone to talk to. Perhaps even offer to help her find a little counseling to help get through it or look for some senior groups that she may be able to find some new freinds or something to keep her from feeling too lonely.

Unfortunately divorces are alwys hurtful and most the time messy. I am so sorry to hear that you, your mom, your stp father, and anyone else that will be effected who have to go through this. Some coping methods: talk talk talk about it, about anything and everything, if you or anyone else feels angry at any time then go outside or some place in the house and scream at the top of your lungs, put a picture at the person you are angry at for hurting you on a pillow and beat the crap out of it, cry cry cry, and then cry some more never bottle up your emotions, have movie night with your mom or go out to eat and then go to a movie or go dancing or something like that have laugh laugh laugh and have fun fun fun. So lets see here you should talk talk talk, scream scream scream, hit hit hit, cry cry cry, laugh laugh laugh, and have fun fun fun. If you follow this remedy and remember to NEVER bottle up and keep your emotions inside always let them out, then you and mom and others should be just fine. Tell your mom to call you morning, noon, or night at time of the day, when ever she is feeling down, sad, blue, crying, or anything no matter the time she HAS TO CALL YOU, make her promise she will and make her promise that she will follow trhough on her promise. If you have kids make them talk about their feelings, and you need to talk to your mom about your feelings, NO HOLDS BAR!! EVERYTHING GOES WHEN YOU TALK. All of the above things got me through my divorce years ago and without it I would have fallen apart and hurt 10 times worse then I did, and I know my healing process was a lot quicker then I have seen others, and it took a little over a year to get my divorce because he fought for child custody. Just remember to talk alot, cry alot, scream alot, hit alot, laugh alot and have fun alot and everyone will be ok. Once again I am sorry to hear this, just show her lots of love and support and the above system. Good Luck and God Bless!!

I haven't, but one of my old high school friend's parents did. Both her and her younger sister got married this past summer. Their parents ended up getting divorced at the same time their daughter were getting married. I couldn't understand why they couldn't wait a few months and let their daughters have the joy of being newly married. It was so sad, and shocking to everyone. I'm sure they were married for at least 30 years.

i'm so sorry to hear about what is happening to your parents... it is always hard to deal with divorce and i know how you must be feeling... it won't be easy for your mum as well... she needs your support now and you just have to be strong for her... be a good listener and be a shoulder to cry on for her... good luck... i hope everything will turn on right for you... take care and have a nice day...

I'm really sorry you are having to go through this.......The best thing for you to do is stay out of the problem you can tell both of them that this is their problem you will listen to both of them but don't give either of them any advice....You may also suggust that they seek talk to a Doctor about the problem before they get a divorce... But stay out of the middle of it....That's the hardest thing you will have to do but if you give advice they will only turn on you....Tell them you love both of them but it's not fair to put you into having to chose sides.......I went through a divorce and the thing I learned looking back on it was the kids turned out smarter than the adults..... I hope they will be able to work through the problem but sometimes it hurts to much to work through......Just try and stay be supportive but don't take sides... I remember the day that all of the kids got together and asked who the adults were because they were the ones that were more grown up than the parnets were..... It sounds like your Step Father treated you very well when you were growing up so tell them both you don't want to be put there.....Good Luck to you

ZephyrSun, Robert Dodds once said: "The goal in marriage is not to think alike, but to think together." So, I believe, both your step dad and mom is not thinking together at this moment and the marriage is suffering as a result. I suppose this happens when one is used to pent up with all the frustrations and not finding ways to communicate to the other party. Soon, they find that their time bomb has reached the ultimate and all hell breaks loose. I think there is no way we can stop what is going to happen and if both parties are adamant with their whims and fancy - the inevitable here cannot be avoided at the end of the day. Someone just have to compromise and give way in order to avoid the divorce. As a child here we can only sit by and support them and try to let them see the point that it would not get anywhere with this divorce if they are not going to find a way to resolve their current differences. These differences if left unresolved will just happen again somewhere in the future, even if they are with different partners. Ann Landers subtly puts this point quite well and if you can do share it with your mom: "All married couples should learn the art of battle as they should learn the art of making love. Good battle is objective and honest--never vicious or cruel. Good battle is healthy and constructive, and brings to a marriage the principle of equal partnership." Take care and have a nice day.

I am sorry to hear about that - I wish I could offer some advice but, I don't really know what to suggest. All I will say is hopefully things can only now get better as the worst has surely happened. x

I am sorry to hear that.. but sometimes breaks are good in a relationship. I personally hate them because i dont think anyone should be away from someone they love, but my fiance took a break from me, and left. Thenn i had no one. but he came back few weeks later and said that was not the life he wanted, and he wanted to be with me, so since then we have been going strong. My mom got divorced..to her third husband of 19 years. after the break up and rumors and the hurt goes away she seems much happier, but time takes its toll on recovery, and i wish you and your fanily well. everything takes time to heal.. its got to be rough before it can get better.

First off, I am terribly sorry that you have to go through this. Divorce is a terrible thing to go through. Every situation is different and I can remember when my parents got divorced I kept trying to figure out who was the one that went wrong so that I could figure out who to be angry with. Truth is you may be feeling angry, confused and just plain sad, but the best you can do right now is try not blaming anyone - relationships are a 2 way thing and unfortunantly in todays world divorce seems to be more comman than a 50th or even 20th Anv. The best you can do is try and be there for your mom as much as you can, let her know that you are there for her so that she can be honest about how she is feeling and coping with the whole situation. I know you said that you have your own home and things to take care of but you should take a minute to think - your mom looked after you ever since you were born. Im sure she has been with you when ever you needed her - right now she needs you so be there for her- she will appreciate it more than you know.