Spouse has fibromyalgia how do you help them?

United States
May 12, 2009 12:21pm CST
I am married to a man who has recently been diagnosed with fibromyalgia. He also was diagnosed with Lupus about 8 years ago, when we were first married. So far he has been diagnosed with the external Lupus, and not the internal Lupus. Although, sometimes he exhibits symptoms of the internal Lupus. His doctor is still running tests to determine what all is ailing him. The doctor stated that he probably got Lupus from mono which he also had. He recently started taking Lyrica which helps a lot with the fibromyalgia, but not totally. He is a diesel mechanic so he's on his feet a lot, and performs manual labor. We have 2 sons ages 4 & 6 which have become my primary responsibility. Sometimes I know I don't have the compassion I should have when my husband says he is hurting. But I can get resentful of him, because I still have to take care of the household, and I don't get a break. I take on all the pressures of the household and him, and feel like I have noone to hold me up when I get tired or stressed out. How can I help him and help myself so I don't get so resentful?
4 responses
@Ozarkgirl (774)
• United States
12 May 09
I too suffer from chronic fibromyalgia, and I too take Lyrica. My husband and I went to a supprt group for Fibromyalgia, and we went to counseling. We are also both a part of online supprt groups, he has his and I have mine. There are many support groups online, they have them for spouses of people that have and suffer from Fibromyalgia, and then ones for the people that have Fibromyalgia. By talking to your husband and making him aware that you support him, and even though you can only imagine what physical pain he goes through each day, you are still sensative to his needs and suffering. But in return he needs to be supportive of you and what you go through. I would suggest that you join one of the online spouses support groups and one of the support groups of people that have fibromyalgia, and then he needs to join a different online support group for fibromyalgia, and a different one for sposes of people with fibrimyalgia. Why would the two of you need to join both these types of groups and different ones, well first of all by joining both types of groups you will both get the help and support you need and you will both be able to undersatnd what each one of you are going through. He will see what other people have to say they go through or put up with spouses point of views and you will see what people of fibromyalgia deal with on a daily basis that he may not tell you. Now they need to be different sites because you should be able to vent, or express yourelf privately if you want too and he should be able to talk about his stresses or worries privately too, until you teo are ready to talk to each other about. These support groups will give you great advice and insight on how to approach situtations and talk to each other about them. My husband is a Psychologist, but he still joined these online groups to help him, me, and out marriage just as I did for him. Hearing some of the stories from other spouses of people the suffer from fibromyalgia really gave me great insight as to what my husband went through and is growing through by dealing with me, and he gained a lot of insight from listening to others that suffers with fibromyalgia, and it had really helped us. We know we are not alone in this battle, and I have some great online friends from both groups. It also gives us a place to talk freely. I really hope this helps you out. Please add me as a friend if you would like more info, adivce, or just someone to listen to your troubles and stresses. Good Luck, and Happy Mylotting!!
• United States
13 May 09
Thank you for your advice. I will definitely join a support group for spouses of fibromyalgia and for sufferers of fibromyalgia. I'm not sure if my husband will sign up. He tends to be more private, and not let people know what's really going on with him. I will let him know about it though. I believe that there is power is knowledge, and the more I know about fibromyalgia and lupos the more I can help him.
• United States
13 May 09
Thank you for voting me for best response.....Happy Mylotting!!
@dgtempe1 (88)
• United States
13 Feb 10
Hello. I too have fibromyalgia, but i stopped the pain. Now i've been on all those meds they give you for years and i kept getting worse. So i decided to do my own research, and i saw something that i was willing to do. Now, let me tell you i also have bad arthritis in my knees and legs, and my pain was so bad, i felt like i took a beating daily for years. What i am about to tell you REALLY REALLY WORKS. I want you to be ok so please try this. Go to the organic section of your Supermarket and get a bottle (you will be buying more of this stuff, i assure you) of BRAGG Natural Apple Cider Vinegar. In the same section (organic) get yourself a bottle or jar of raw honey, or organic honey. Get some bottled water. What you do is you pour 8 oz of cold water in a glass, 2 tbsp of the BRAGG vinegar, and 1 tbsp of the honey and stirr. Drink this 3x/day, by the second day i want you to see the improvement will be incredible. *It cant be just any vinegar, it has to be this one. It contains what they call "the mother" in the bottle. I hope everyone will do this. It has truly changed my life. Good luck and God bless.
• United States
13 Feb 10
I forgot to tell you all that you dont have to worry about heart burn. This is good for heart burn, and also for your immune system. I am not a doctor so continue with your medication also.
• United States
12 May 09
Find a caregivers' support group (try googling for it). FM sufferers develop a personality that can be difficult to live with; just remember it is worse for them. They tend to 'dive in' to anything that may help & get 'snappy' when they feel lousy. FM is a Myofascial condition, so a Myofascial Therapist is at present the best place to be. There will be months of treatment & months of despair. You're both stuck with this horrendous condition.
• United States
27 May 09
Hi there, I also have fibro. Am retiring early (53yrs old) because of it. It is such a frustrating , debilitating condition!!! I can see your story from his point of view. OMG...this is soooo bad. honestly, some days I "assume the position" which means that I am on the sofa. So tired and in pain that I have a tough time walking to the bathroom. Now, you see, I was not a lazy slouch before fibro. When I was married, I held a full time job, kept a 4 brm house spotless(w/3 boys mind you), helped my ex run his business (did the books, and running around). When we divorced, I took up hiking, snow shoeing, xcountry skiing, bought a house w/ an acre of land and dug up trees (by hand) and planted 8 fairly large flower beds. No more of that! So you see, this is very traumatic from the patient's point of view. I do understand your frustration though. Patience when he is hurting is a start. He can not help it (believe me, if I could walk away from this s__t! I would in a heartbeat. ) I have learned to lower my standards of house cleaning tremendously! If you have family nearby, ask them to take the kids so you can get some "you" time. WEEKLY! even if it is just for an hr. Trust me...it will make you feel better! There is a website that I think would benefit you BOTH tremendously. it is www.mdjunction.com there is a fibromyalgia forum . you form a profile, ask any questions you want. No judgements whatsoever. Just reading the comments posted can help both w/ finding ways to deal w/ your husband and give him some insights for different pain management angles. I am purpleiris777 on the site....hope to see you there. Big Hugs, YOU CAN DO THIS! Linda As a footnote...I had tons of tests for nearly 2 yrs before being diagnosed. Everything was always fine....very frustrating. But, one thing my doc told me was that at sometime in my life...I also had mono. (never even knew it!)