When

United States
May 15, 2009 1:40am CST
When all that you have, stops making sense and you just don't care to look for the bright side anymore.. When you search for so long for something .. only to find it.. but it's dead, buried, and gone.. When you aren't worth the time... When the you realize the 3 ring circus IS your life.. and there is no way to stop feeling like a spectator. When you want nothing more than to throw your hands up and say "forget it!.." but your heart won't let you. When you betray yourself.. so no one else can. When you can scream and beg.. and still no one will answer! When you can only laugh so much before you feel like you are going to crumble.. When today is yesterday.. only with a different name. When it feels like you are fading away.. and you can't stop it. When your heart reminds you, that you are cheating it. When you spend too many hours talking to yourself because the silence drives you insane... When you can't take anymore.. and your day just began! When your mind goes in circles because you can't allow yourself to find the dead end. When you entertain your mind because nothing else keeps your attention long enough to draw you away. When you are so burned out on this feeling that you could scream! When your heart aches, and there is nothing outside of a miracle to make it stop... When you get punished for the same damn things that you've been punishing yourself for, for years. When living is impossible.. but dying is a no no... and existing just plain sucks! When you got tired of searching for faeries and butterflies a long time ago... and beauty eludes itself from your eyes. When hanging from the edge is all you are used to... and becomes oddly normal. When you are stuck in a world full of people and you feel so utterly alone.. When you want to say something.. but the words won't come out right... When nothing feels right... When you want to sleep but your mind won't shut off. When you cease to feel that you matter... When you reach out... day after day and there is nothing there... When you feel like you are falling and there is nothing there to catch you. When is it all over? (C)2009 Little_Stormy (source: ME) (words by: ME) (written by: ME)
4 people like this
9 responses
• India
15 May 09
When good things that really matter start happening and then suddenly the sun seems to be shining brightly When one realizes that that the pain the sorrow was all as if in a bad dream And suddenly smiles and laughter are back again My friend, all good things must end, but so must the bad - the sorrowful and the unpleasant. All the best to you!
@paula27661 (15899)
• Australia
15 May 09
What are you doing inside my head today Stormy? I responded to another of your discussions today that depicted my feelings precisely and now you have done it again. I too feel the hopelessness and I don't know if it will ever end. Years ago I used to hold onto the hope that one day everything would be OK and there would be no more pain, now I'm not so sure because it sure as heck doesn't seem to stop; sometimes I wish for the bus to stop so I can get off. How many times have I tried not to care but as you say the heart will not allow it. How I would like to be heard; my parents never listened, they criticized and never once asked me how I feel or that they love me; I have been on this earth for well over four decades and I have not heard 'I love you' from either of them. My parents always look at my sister and me with a certain distaste, we are not up to scratch and never will be and that has defined us. Do you ever feel like you somehow stepped into the wrong life? Do you wonder how you got here? I want to take the good bits and move on but I don’t know where to. Do you wonder where your soft place to fall is? I do, lately all the time and I am with you and your sentiments. "When today is yesterday... only with a different name." You are a beautiful writer. Thank You Stormy for the space to share.
1 person likes this
@subha12 (18453)
• India
15 May 09
It is very true. Ia m feeling in life like this.I think many doors are closed. Rather all doors I am knocking. it is very hard to go forward now. do not know what to do.
1 person likes this
• United States
15 May 09
How sad! I truly hope your words are not your own feelings and experiences. I am truly blessed to have never, even during the worst of my life experiences, felt such a terrible hopelessness such as your words describe. No matter what I have always had hope and looked forward to better times and put the sadness behind me. I guess I am the eternal optimist which I am happy to say has always worked for me.
1 person likes this
@James72 (26829)
• Australia
15 May 09
The thing we should remember is that we have ultimate control over what we think, how we act and what we do and don't allow ourselves to be influenced and controlled by. We've all become slaves to negativity in our lives, but we CAN change it! As difficult as it may be at times, if we allow ourselves to fall into negative cycles and behaviours, they become routine. The longer these routines continue, the faster they start to be considered as normal and our "lot" in life. This just isn't acceptable and we MUST break free from circles such as these. We have the ability to directly influence everything around us from our physical environment to our internal thoughts. We either choose change, or we choose to accept all for what it is and suffer the consequences. It's never all over until such time as God decides that our time in this life is done, until this moment arrives, we owe it to ourselves to strive for the best for ourselves on every level possible. It's cliche, but every day is the first day of the rest of our life!
1 person likes this
• United States
15 May 09
When you reach that point ... tie a knot at the end of your rope and HANG ON!!! lol or get some depression meds.....or ask GOD into your life and help you to keep on keeping on!!!!!!!!! God Bless you!!!!! And beautifully written...I think we have all been to that place....one which the Lord has replaced for me with worthfulness,happiness,love,patience,and a sound mind...well, maybe not the mind so much...lol but Hes working on that one too....Have a great day!!!
• United States
15 May 09
I will never take anti-depressants again.. the side effects nearly killed me or were so bad that I walked around like a zombie.. I asked God into my life at the age of 8 years old.. and he is one of my best friends.. if it weren't for him.. I wouldn't be here.
2 people like this
• United States
15 May 09
Its great that you asked him into your life...have you attended a church of your beliefs lately...He is coming soon!!!!!!! and it will only get rougher as the Devil has little time to steal the souls that belong to God... I will pray for you as I would appreciate your prayers. We need all the support that we can get.... :) Have FAITH and I promise you, if you ask for PEACE,,, He is faithful to supply above and beyond....God Bless You!!!!! Judi
• United States
15 May 09
I do attend church.... every week! my husband is the pastor :)
1 person likes this
@thezone (9451)
• Ireland
16 May 09
Hi Little_Stormy, Just dropping by to support your writings and to thank you again for curing me of the hiccups that night I nearly went insane. Thanks and take care
• United States
16 May 09
thank you :) ahhhhhhh anytime! glad it worked!
1 person likes this
@thezone (9451)
• Ireland
16 May 09
Your welcome
• United States
16 May 09
When you are suffering like this and it happens to be a weekday between 9am and 5pm, CALL ME (those are the best times to call and actually get a hold of me), I will PM my phone number to you. I may not be able to help at all, but perhaps laughing at eachother's accents may lighten the load for a bit. Hell, even if you aren't having a bad time, CALL ME, it'll be fun to see if either one of us can understand what the heck the other is saying!
• United States
16 May 09
LOL!!!!!! I sure will! I love ya mare!!!!!! ya know that!!!! thanks for everything!
1 person likes this
@leenie50 (3992)
• United States
15 May 09
Stormy, When everything seems lost and you feel forgotten, you come here. When you feel unworthy, we will take the time to tell you how worthy and needed you truly are. When you've lost the ability to laugh, we will make you laugh. When Yesterday is gone and Today is here, it may be a brighter day with new hopes and possibilities. When your hear aches, our heart aches with you and then we gather around you to stop the pain and make that heart pump with new joy. We will be here to help you find the words that elude you. When you start to fall and want to give up, we will catch you and give you reason to keep going. When you feel that the silence will drive you insane, then you get a puppy or kitten that will listen and make you forget that you were crying. They will bring new life into your home and make you laugh like you haven't laughed in a long time. As long as your beautiful heart keeps dancing up in your little corner, our hearts will be dancing with you. This is why we, your friends are here. We are here for you. Hugsssssss and Kissesss leenie