Maybe. Just Maybe... I think.

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Hey guys, I didn't what to label this as. I don't know if it should be labeled anything. I just typed up from scratch. It's pretty rough.... I don't know where to start. You are the first one I've fallen this hard for. I've always been open and friendly to anyone. I always gave a person a chance. But when it came to you, it felt like I wouldn't be able to connect with you. I was and still am scared about what you might think. I always promised to not let people affect me too much. I always told myself that I didn't need someone to keep me motivated. I always thought that all I needed was my optimism and smarts. Now, when I think about it, they mean nothing if they can't give me happiness and contentment. I can't even go through the day without seeing you at least once. I don't like this. I've never felt so helplessly hopeless. I disgust myself just thinking about my stupid feelings. I have never been a pro at expressing them. Now here I am stuck in front of a keyboard writing them, practically gushing them out. Yuck. Maybe it's my hopelessness. I really don't know. This is no love story. I've never been a big fan of love. I don't think this is love. I don't think this is even real. I've been known for second doubting myself, but I don't even think you know I exist. At least not in the way I'd like to be. Maybe I'm giving this too much thought. Maybe I'm giving you too much thought. I don't know... Maybe I take myself too seriously. Maybe if I weren't so insecure... Maybe if I weren't such a coward...