Dear President Obama:
May 21, 2009 6:01pm CST
Greetings, comrade! I wanted to congratulate you on your recent successes as leader of the Socialist State of America. I know that you are modest and will not accept all of the credit, and I know that the transition from the failed United States of America started long ago. You even had help from Presidents Bush, Clinton, and Bush. They set the groundwork which allowed you to centralize every aspect of human existance under the umbrella of one supreme government. You started your career with such a trememdous flurry of activity. It was brilliant how you used a recession to take over the banking industry. The union leaders who made it impossible for the capitalists to keep their beloved auto companies solvent really set the table for you making them government entities. Then you dictated what kind of cars they could make so that the greedy capitalists who own oil could not keep their profits afloat. You spent trillions of dollars to bankrupt the failed United States, and when it came time to complete the revolution, there was no money left for the capitalists to fund a resistance to your supreme power. It was also a stroke of genious when you identified people who disagreed with you as potential domestic terrorists, as that make local and national law enforcement spend resources on watching those stupid pro-Life people and allowed us to keep tabs on returning war veterans. I thought the revolution would have been harder, but apparently people with antequated values of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness are few and far between. You are a genious, Premier Obama. Your comrades in the media were so helpful in getting the message out that anyone who did not think like us or behave like us were nut-case extremists. The days when you started rounding up the guns and locking up the "mentally challenged" shook me with excitement, because I knew that change was coming. I love living in the Socialist State of America. Yes, I have to wait months to see a doctor, but as you have pointed out, illness can make a body strong. Yes, I stand in lines to get a loaf of bread and a quart of milk, but I don't want to get too fat and lazy, right? If only you had been born a generation or two earlier, your leadership would have helped bolster the Soviet Union and ended the Cold War earlier, but with much different results. It was a stroke of genious to take a Neville Chamberlain-like approach with the Iranians and North Koreans. Once they destroyed our troops overseas, the remaining troops at home had no choice but to join the revolution or be crushed. Our comrades in Europe, Japan, and South America will soon follow suit and hand over power to you, our benevolent leader. Russia will return to the glory days of Soviet power, and Africa will soon enjoy the fruits of a true utopian society in which everyone has everything they need to enjoy a satisfactory existance. Thank you for your leadership, and thank you for the extra cheese in last month's ration. Sincerely, A new American.