Open Adoption

United States
May 26, 2009 8:39am CST
My husband and I are in the process of adopting a little girl. The other day the birth grandmother announced in court she would like granparents rights wrote into the adoption. She is a sweet lady but I don't want to have to say that my newborn is going to be staying away one weekend a month for life. I am not happy about this and my husband is wanting me to say nothing because he is afraid I will mess it all up. Should I say something or should I leave it alone and just give her the time she wants. I do like her and she has been good to me and my husband. I want my daughter to know her grandmother because she is a good lady. Is this just her way of keeping tabs on this child? I am just afraid that I won't be able to let a newborn go for a weekend, I have waited so long to be a mom I don't want to set myself up for failure in the begining.
1 person likes this
3 responses
• United States
26 May 09
That is such a tough decision, you want the baby and you do not want the mother to say no so you feel like you should give the grandmother legal rights and at the same time there is the concern that if you do allow legal rights to the grand mother she will insist that she always get her weekend. I would also be concerned with the biological mother being there and changing her mind after a few weekend visits. This is a tough decision to make. I am not sure I would have grandparent rights writen in to a legal document. Expecially if I had only known them for the amountof time I was trying to adopt a baby. People can generally mind their manners for 9 months to a year before they show you who they really are. Instead I would talk with her and tell her that she is welcomr to come to the house and visit her grandchild often, but that you are uncomfortable letting a new baby travel, for health reasons. This is a very legitament argument.
• United States
26 May 09
I forgot to menchion she works with my husband and my sister in law is her boss so we have known them for a while. The baby is due any day now and my husband is so afraid I will mess this up. I am a straight shooter and say what I am thinking I would rather do that than talk behind someones back. So I think we lay all cards on the table before the baby is born. I am not worried about mother changing her mind she went to abort the baby and was too far along. She wants her mom to get a hold of herself.
• United States
27 May 09
Well, I hate to say it, but Grammy doesn't really have any choice in the matter... And if the bio mom wants her mom to chill out, then I doubt that will change her mind. Talk to the bio mom and talk to your lawyer and see what your options are before saying anything in court.
@meandmy3 (2228)
• United States
27 May 09
I think that you should allow it, the grandmother will be a benefit to you and your husband and your family. However this is the time to get the rules down and in writing, she can know the child that is fine but over night stays??? i would question that and would want the courts to help in laying out the ground rules etc. Like are you going to want the mother there, plus I guess this means that you are going to let the child know that they are adopted?
• United States
26 May 09
I agree with the other person, it is best to discuss things with her and explain your concerns. Ensure her that you want her to be a part of the baby's life, but that you are not comfortable being legally obligated to a set amount of visitation. Honestly, in many natural births, grandparents do not have a legal right to see the child a set number of days per month anyway. If the birth mother is still willing to sign over rights anyway, do not add the grandparent clause. The only way I might consider writing the grandmother into the adoption is a general statement along the lines of, "(Grandmother) will be allowed reasonable visitation when (adoptive parents) deem appropriate. Visitation may or may not be supervised, according to (adoptive parents) wishes and will occur at the location of (adoptive parents) choosing." That gives you all the options that natural parents have. You say where, you say when, and you say whether or not you will be present. It may sound harsh to her, but when you explain your concerns, it should make more sense.