Dead Beat Dad

That is a completely different circumstance I can understand both circumstances and my heart goes out to you. I don't know what I would do If I was not allowed to see my own kids trust, there would be hell to pay. Keep thinking positive your not the first person experiencing this and many can or would tell you the children will grow up wanting to hear your side of the story so time is the master of all things.

Oh I agree, but legally speaking that's how most agencies define it. Thanks for your words of encouragement. My mom agrees with you :) My husband and I have two children together as well as our "estranged" children. Two will never feel that pain. He won't let it happen and neither will I. He's a very hands on dad, and how the mother of his firstborn thinks he's not worthy to be in his daughter's life is beyond me. She will one day know the truth, or at least her dad's side of it. He wasn't even allowed to give his daughter birthday gifts. They were returned to sender unopened. The post office in her town said that she came in and sent them back without even taking them home to her daughter. (He was devastated because he worked hard to find just the right things for her). We all grow up with ideas on what "parental rights" are. But, we never really think about it until they aren't around I think. I am sorry that your Dad doesn't want to be part of your life. My ex-husband (father of above discussed daughter) wants his child around to use as a pawn. For some reason, the courts think this is okay. His parents take more care of her than he does it would seem and I am the one getting stuck with the bill! I think your definition of "deadbeat" is way better than the government's by the way :) :) I hope you come to some resolution with your father some day. It's not cool to be in limbo with things. Maybe write it all down, and explain to him you need some closure on this. If he doesn't want to talk to you at all make him tell you that instead. At least you made the effort. ...In my case my dad is about "do as I want you to do and I will support you..do it not and I will ignore you". Even though he has always been a big part of my life..we have never been "close" because he has always sneered at what I choose to do with my life. Unconditional love is something that I don't know a lot about from my parents. I didn't know much about it at all until I had kids. I knew more after I met my second husband who is my best friend probably the best friend I will ever have. I cannot think of one thing that I did that I was proud of that my folks were proud of me for. (For instance my writing skills got me published in the New Yorker at age 16. ) All my mom said about it was "That won't feed you....you need skills that will help you be on your own" My dad pretty much the same thing..though he had to be impressed at where the story was published. (He reads the New Yorker). He didn't like my story though. The rest of my family was super proud of me. My siblings gave me the support I needed then. My older brother was furious at my mom for not at least saying "good job". It's all I wanted. But grades were never good enough..etc. My biggest beef with them was they chose me. I was adopted. They chose me when I was really young..and they rejected the way I turned out. I am still mad at them for that..and have no qualms about living 2000 miles away because I will not let them bully me anymore. Both know this too. I eventually had to sever ties for awhile. I didn't speak to them for about a year, and when Asked why..I told them. My mother pretended to be hurt...my father scoffed and thought I was being "melodramatic". So, the fact is even when the parents are around its not all unicorns and rainbows. It's hard to deal with rejection. It sucks real bad and can be devastating to the ego, and self esteem. I had to get past that. It took a long time. It took my entire life really, up until about 10 years ago I thought rejection was a pretty normal feeling. I thought I was the one that was "off". I thought I was the one that needed "changing". I was so depressed. But, I learned something. I learned that my self worth has nothing to do with them. I made me who I am today. The people around me helped to form that person that lives today, but my own classmates wouldn't know me if they talked to me on the street because I am such a different person. Because I was so "put down" when I was a kid..opinions weren't something I would freely voice. Now just try to shut me up :) My parents were "string attached" when it came to loving us kids. More with me than the others...I don't know why. Even my older siblings saw it and tried to defend me from it. They chose to adopt me, and all I know is that they basically didn't like it when I turned out to be different than them. (As though their biological children weren't individuals but I was and I was too "different".