being a friend
being a mom
growing up pains
how do you bond with your child when he's grownup?
May 29, 2009 7:31pm CST
when kids have grown up as young adults they feel they need more space. all of us went through that stage. but when you are the parent , sometimes it's a different thing.you have to guide them and at the same time be a friend to them.where do you put the line?
• United States
19 Jul 09
It depends on each situation really, sometimes one has to give them some space and then wait for them to come to you with their concerns. However if it is about something they should not be doing, as in something illegal then that is a different story. Each child no matter the age longs to be trusted and able to do some things without interference. Try discussing things first rather than scolding, use a calm and rational voice and treat them like an adult in discussions and allow them to enter discussions and debates but make sure no one is going to raise their voice and change it into an argument. Give them trust and space, but if they abuse that trust and space then that is the time to step in and take away bit by bit rather than all at once for anything they might have done wrong. Everyone has to have the chance to make their own mistakes, talk to them, but don't lecture them, it just makes them want to break free all the more. Let them know that if things do go wrong you'll still be there for them, but if they manage to break the law there isn't much that you can do. As long as they do not lie to you... and if they do go out and do something stupid tell them that they can call you and you'll pick them up without lecturing them, but that you'll discuss it in the morning and find out if they've learned a lesson without any interference on your part. One cannot truly grow and learn if one can never make mistakes. Another way is to sit down together and come up with a list of rules that the whole family agrees on for everyone... and what punishments should be for each item... and what rewards can consist of and they do not have to be all monetary, sometimes a hug or a family trip somewhere everyone would enjoy. The more trust there is and the better one is doing should equate into gaining more privilages, but those privilages can also be taken away.
20 Jul 09
Thanks for your response Trinquette..calm and rational definitely is how i should take things with my two boys. and i am lucky that my boys are open to discussion and they listen.even if they tend to make mistakes from which they learn lessons..although sometimes a little too late. and i have to keep myself from saying "i told you so.." i remember myself and how i too hate to hear that when i was their age.lol and i amazed how years has passed,they usedto be little boys.Now look at them, so grown.Life is a blessing!
• United States
30 May 09
Most kids start at a young age wanted their own space because we encourage it ..they start saying "MINE" and " NO" it just increases from a toy to their own room when they get older...I think as long as you are there for them when they need you and they are not doing anything to harm theirselves or others everything will be fine as the friendship grows
3 Jun 09
drawing a line between being a friend and a parent is very sensitive when you're talking to teenagers. of course us parents understand their need to be recognized as young adults too. but do they ever understand our concern for them not to make the same mistakes we did when we were young? where are the little boys in them teenagers when we want someone to listen. i have started "saying-less-but-mean-more-with-few- words-approach". i hope it works.
23 Mar 10
Hello my kids are all grown up, but the bond remains, daughter is married, sons married, one son lives with me with kids, the other lives in a city far away because of his job, but we meet regularly, talk daily, this is the bond Happy posting, cheers Bhuwan