Would you stay in an unhappy marriage?

@Citychic (4078)
United States
June 13, 2009 1:45am CST
Hello mylotters, I'm just wanting to know how many of you would stay in a marriage relationship if you were not happy in it and if you were not getting your needs met by your partner?
4 people like this
10 responses
@sjvenden27 (1851)
• United States
13 Jun 09
I did for several years... I didnt think that I could have a life without my ex husband.. I have one son with him, and well I didnt think very highly of myself, and I thought that I would lose my son if I left my ex.. He would threaten it all of the time.. Then after the last fight that we had, he ended up in jail.. He almost killed me... But I was soo stuck in that little world that I was living in, the next day, I acted like nothing happened.. My aunt threated to come to were I was at and personally give me another A** kicking if I didnt get out of there... I am so glad she did.. When you are in a relationship for so long you just get use to putting up with stuff, even through it happens over and over.. But I allowed it, I could have walked away several times before, but I didnt see anything wrong with it.. I had a major self esteem issue.. Which my ex loved to play into.. Also with my upbring I was use to getting pushed around.. So in a way I felt it was normal.. Thats just the way it is kind of attitude.. I believe my self esteem is a little better, but I am still climbing that mountian and one day soon I will be at the top, looking as far as I can see..
2 people like this
• Philippines
13 Jun 09
i can see that there is a big need for you to work on having enough self confidence and moral and spiritual strength. there is a need for us to fight for our rights and to fight for our righteous place on earth. i can also see that the reason for your being this way was the way that you were brought up by your parents and guardians from babyhood. i hope that you will not allow your son to grow up the way you did. he must have sufficient to stand on his own and also, for him to grow up to be a reliable person. you will need your son to stand by your side in the days to come. you should prepare him adequately to be able to face that fateful day. that fateful day will surely come years from now. the older he is when that day comes, the better for him. good luck unto you, dear friend.
1 person likes this
@Citychic (4078)
• United States
13 Jun 09
would you stay in an unhappy marriage............ Hello Svenden, thanks for your response, I am very tired but I said to myself I will at least reply to the first comment then the rest I will try to get back to as soon as I can. First off congratulation on being able to walk out of that misery. I think that you are a very strong woman even though you may be lacking in a little bit of confidence. But the person right underneath your comment gave you some very good words of wisdom, particularly pertaining to your son. If she see a strong capable woman growing up he will take on your attitude. Lord knows it's not easy to walk out and when you are being beat down it takes extra courage and strength. But you made it out and you give other people hope. So keep on keeping on and and keep you head to the sky. I'm very proud of you and God bless you........... I think that we go through things in life so that we can help others out. One young girl was just asking the question if she should leave her home and all and get married to the man that she love to go live in his city. I told her to please reconsider because people change after they get married. She wrote back and thanked me and said that she was reconsidering her decision to leave. Tears rolled down my face because who knows what she might have been saved from. Only God. If a man really love you, he will be willing to meet you halfway and not try to have you feeling like a victim and alienating you once he's moved you someplace.....Good luck with your new life!I'm so happy 4 you and your son..........
• United States
13 Jun 09
Thank you both for your wonderful encouragement! Each day can has its stuggles but I fight to keep everything going, with support of my friends and a couple family members.. Taking a stand for myself seems rather, scarey, and somewhat disordering... But I am no longer allowing fear to control all of my life.. I want to be a good rolemodel for my son, and someone he can look up to when he gets older..
@chelsit (105)
• United States
15 Jun 09
No one should stay in a relationship if they are not happy, especially if there are kids involved because if you are unhappy kids pick up on that. No matter who you are there will be millions of reasons why you should stay with your spouse whether it's longevity or you don't at to uproot your kids, but ith hard work and some good frends around we can all remove ourselves from an unhppy situation.
1 person likes this
@Citychic (4078)
• United States
15 Jun 09
Would you stay in an unhappy marriage? Hello Chelsit, thanks for your response. Well I do believe that this will be the year that something will break a loose one way or the other. Take care and have a wonderful evening.....take confidence knowing that your point has been well taken. Happy mylot!
• Philippines
13 Jun 09
oh, citychic, i am among those crazy women who puts up with an unhappy marriage in the hope against hope that it will have a turnaround in the near future in order to effect a good save to the relationship. it has been more than thirty years now that i have been holding on to see a realization to this hope against hope. it is only this time that i have finally given up on my husband. i want him to be totally erased from my life already, at last! since in our country there is no divorce law in force until now, i will have to settle for a legal separation. i will start on working on it next week. i hope that it will not be another bitter experience in my life. actually, i have nothing to fear at all anymore. all of my kids are of majority ages already. i know that i am not alone in this kind of living life. this is the reason why whenever i come across people who are getting married, i couldn't help it but wish them all the best there is in a blessed relationship.
@Citychic (4078)
• United States
15 Jun 09
Hello triniadvelasco, thank you so much for sharing your story, I'm sure that a lot of women will be helped by reading about this. It's not everyday that we come across someone that's been married for this long and then at the end of the road decides to throw in the towel. I can understand hoping against hope because I was feeling like that myself the first 10 or 12 years into it. But now I"m starting to feel like I deserve better and there is no need to put up with this if I don't really have to. I do have children and both are boys, most of the time they side with him if there is a disagreement, so what do I have to hold on to. Mom says I should stay put if for no other reason than to worry the hell out of him but I'm not really that kind of person. I just want to live a happy life of peace and freedom. If someone new should happen to come along, that would be fine but I would have to think long and hard about it before I should ever decide to marry someone again. Good luck on your legal separation my friend and if you can see any reason worth keeping it together I would advise you to try to do it. But if there is no love, no respect, no mutual agreements over how you will live your life and if he think it's his way or no way at all. Then do what you feel you've got to do. There is no reason for a woman to stay anywhere if she is not happy. Well lack of money might be one logical reason. I guess that's the only reason why I've stayed this long. But that too can change and the best thing is to just try to find yourself some happiness if he's not willing to try. Take care dear friend, wishing you all the best.
1 person likes this
@jugsjugs (13045)
13 Jun 09
A lot of people stay in an unhappy marriage as it is a life that they have got used to.Also they have no means of moving to another house if they have children like i have 6 children and if their husband will not go then they have a big problem to end their marriage.My needs are not being met in the bedroom all we do is argue and we have nothing in common anymore other than our children.Happy mylotting
1 person likes this
@YazEid (1139)
• Philippines
13 Jun 09
hello citychic sure I wont , Marriage is based on love , happiness and satisfactions , if these components are not present then the marriage will collapse by itself , it will be like sharing a flat with that partner , it wont be a relation anymore .. for me I would try to fix it first but if it didn't work I will surely end it and search for my happiness and my love with someone else . have a good time citychic
@Citychic (4078)
• United States
15 Jun 09
Would you stay in an unhappy marriage? Hey YazEid, thanks for your response and for participating. I wanted to write you a longer reply because you surely deserve it but I'm so sleepy right now, I will be lucky if I can squeeze out a three liner, lols. Anyhow We'll chat again soon, take care and have a happy weekend, what's left of it. I will surely look for a happier life, not like I"m looking for greener pastures, just a little bit of happiness, that's all.......... take care for now. Talk back with you soon I hope!
@YazEid (1139)
• Philippines
15 Jun 09
Thanks a lot citychic It's ok , have a good sleep and a happy dreams sure we will be chatting soon , but you should be awake because it should last for a long time :D have a great time and happy weekend
@solared (1210)
• United States
2 Nov 09
It would have to be a really really bad marriage.
@krajibg (11942)
• Guwahati, India
13 Jul 09
Hi citychic, No I would not walk out of my marriage even if it went worse. As this is a strong relation I would try to make the things amended and have a happy family. Why people do not see their own fault puzzles me sometime.
@AmbiePam (46939)
• United States
18 Jun 09
Well, I would definitely go to marriage counseling. And if I had kids, I don't think I'd leave my husband unless he cheated on me or abused me. Otherwise I would stay in the marriage. I know people work on their marriages, and sometimes they still end up getting divorced. But I'd work my rear off trying ot make it work.
@modstar (9615)
• Philippines
15 Jun 09
Well, i consider marriage as sacred so i guess i would. I guess it's one of the challenges i have to face. As long as the marriage is not the violent type then i guess i should stay. I'm just hoping that someday in later years it'll all be ok. Maybe there's just so mething missing and i would give marriage the benefit of the doubt for all i can.
@alvingb (265)
• Singapore
13 Jun 09
hi there, well i guess it is hard to actually stay in a unhappy marriage somtimes i believe we just feel like giving up as things dont seem to get out away. well we even get frustrated and feel like throwin in the towel and calling it quits. Well but nevertheless i basically feel that instead of calling it quits, we should just try to fix it up first. I am sure one might have tried fixing in up many times but still feel that it is not working out. I feel that instead of quitting the first option is to see where things went wrong and figure out how to get things back together again. there are many ways out there to fix things. I used to know a friend whom we all thought had the most ideal wife and partner. Infact the were college sweet hearts and were going on really well until they got married. It would have been really bad if they had call it quit after being together for so many years. But they were at the brink of it to end it. However they decided to give it one last shot by getting advise from a marriage consellor and after that things started changing for the better. Now they are back to normal just like how they were so many years ago. Well so my take on this i would try to fix it with everything i can first. Anyway happy mylotting and have a nice day ahead. best regards, alvingb