Is It Really Possible To Build Friendship On MyLot?
By Skills1789
@Skills1789 (462)
Portugal
June 17, 2009 10:20pm CST
I´m very curious to read what you guys think about this issue...
I´ve joined 11 days ago, and noticed many people are here not only for the extra money motivation (which i confess is my case..at least for now, since my current opinion about friendship building doesn´t fit with remote and virtual relationships), but also for the possibility of making friends and feeding that relationship.
I´m probably going to be crucified and rated 1 million times negatively ;p but i think you don´t make friendship on the internet, you make aquaintanceship. I believe you can BEGIN something on the net, a contact, but that alone won´t build a healthy, solid and reliable friendship. Virtual mediation with absolutely no real world contact at all just seems artificial and illusory, to me.
I may be wrong (that´s the karma of every opinion), but i think a genuine friendship has to be materialized, proven and reinforced by eye contact, touch, real notion of presence, real mutual experience of laughter, tears, hapiness, pain, all the energies that feed life. Probably i´m being too much consercative and traditionalist, but i believe a friend is someone who belongs to a very restrictive list, being that a list of 100, 200, or 174,000 "unknown" people simply doesn´t fit.
I repeat, i definitely may be wrong on this, 174,600 may not agree with me when i say it´s almost impossible to build a healthy and reliable friendship remotely, but one thing is indisputable:
ONE CAN BE WHATEVER AND WHOEVER ONE WANTS WHEN THE WORDS ARE THE ONLY CONTACT BETWEEN ONE AND THE OTHERS (real world also has artificial emotions, demagogy and hipocrisy, but on a daily and personal basis relationship your real persona has all the other elements at work - expression, eyes, voice, gestures, actions, innactions -, which all together are definitely more reliable than words).
I´m perfectly aware most of you will not agree with me, but that´s not my goal, here, my goal is to try to understand your own opinion on this...
Now, let´s rock this debate!
Peace
4 people like this
13 responses
@dad_e_blogger (5)
• United States
18 Jun 09
You have a good point and I do agree with you. My definition of a true friendship is honesty, trust, and integrity. It seems that it would be hard to find true friendship online because there are too many crooks hiding inside the internet cloud pretending to be good people that are preying on people of integrity.
2 people like this
@Skills1789 (462)
• Portugal
19 Jun 09
Hum...i understand your point, Niah, but why do you say they aren´t interested in making frieds with you?
@sjvenden27 (1840)
• United States
18 Jun 09
First off there is nothing wrong with your opinion!! That is the way you personally feel, it does not matter what the next person thinks of it.. A friendship can develop over time on the internet... That is if both parties are being honest, some people go to the internet to become something that they are not.. Mind games, and lies do not make a friendship, and that goes for anywhere... I am here like you to make money, but that really wasn't the main reason I personally joined.. I am a writer and have many thoughts and ideas.. This is a place that I can share my ideas with others. Also to learn more about different topics.. I like the fact that you are honest, you are not trying to write about something that you hope everyone will respond to, you just say whats on your mind.. That is the best way to go on mylot.. There may be some discussions that you do not receive any responses too and then there will be others that you just can keep up.. Good luck my fellow mylotter!
@sjvenden27 (1840)
• United States
19 Jun 09
Your welcome.. When I respond to people I just try to be myself.. Some people like the way I write, others don't understand what I am trying to say, I am dyslectic.. So when I am writing a sentence down it is not always what I want to say.. Then there are others that just don't like me... That's there lost, there are plenty of other people out there to talk to... Have not actually bumped into anyone like that yet, but I haven't been here that long either..
1 person likes this
@Skills1789 (462)
• Portugal
22 Jun 09
I perfectly understand what you say, venden...sometimes being honest can cost you...i have realized that many people here choose to give demagogic responses in order to have good ratings, build a good reputation and seem real nice, thus making some good money... Let´s be honest, here, i like when people enjoy my discussions and my responses, but honestly, if they don´t like it i really don´t bother much because at least i know that my opinion has never been tackled by what others expect or want me to say...being honest with yourself is the path to never betray yourself...
By the way, i have some dislectic issues myself, besides of being portuguese and only practice my english here on MyLot... ;p
Peace and thank you, once more, for your response, venden
;)
@Skills1789 (462)
• Portugal
18 Jun 09
Much respect, venden.. You seem in deed very worthwhile to read.. Thank you for responding...
Peace and productive myloting
;)
1 person likes this
@dad_e_blogger (5)
• United States
18 Jun 09
It is possible to build a true friendship online. For proof I saw on a news website that two people met on myspace and one of them donated a kidney to the other friend. Now that's true friendship.
1 person likes this
@Skills1789 (462)
• Portugal
19 Jun 09
Wow, blogger..can´t say i would do the same not knowing the person, but for some reason that one did it..
Peace
@dad_e_blogger (5)
• United States
18 Jun 09
Here is another way to look at it. People usually become friends if they have something in common. People build friendships through many different venues such as a party, the workplace, school, and many others. The online world is a great place to find people that have the same interests as you. Offline or online it usually takes time to build a true friendship. You just have to be extra careful online. I would avoid giving out personal information online.
1 person likes this
@Skills1789 (462)
• Portugal
19 Jun 09
I think giving personal info online just because you think someone is your true friend (even though you never ever have seen that person in your entire life) is plain irresponsible...
@sudiptacallingu (10879)
• India
18 Jun 09
I wont disagree with you….most people on my ‘friends list’ are there just because mylot wants that list to be called ‘friends list’…it could just be anything else mylot wanted to name it as, I would be least bothered.
As the definition of friendship goes, which you have so nicely elucidated, most here wont qualify as friends…and I don’t think anybody would dispute that. There are a handful, who post discussions from time to time and from them we do know that they have met up, they chat on phones and mail each other frequently, so they do qualify as friends, though I don’t know whether mylot brought them together or they were friends before.
However, what I must say is that mylot is a wonderful platform for us to share our problems and get solutions. I have come here innumerable times with my problems, problems which seem to stifle me with their magnitude, problems which had no solution within the immediate family circle, problems which were unmanageable to me…people here on mylot have given me various opinion, solutions, ways to tackle, resources, advise…so much that I have been overwhelmed by the support. And this support, this sticking together and helping each other, wiping tears (even if with a virtual hand), this caring, this sharing, this involvement (if only for a minute)…all these can never be undermined and undone by the lack of physical contact.
1 person likes this
@Skills1789 (462)
• Portugal
18 Jun 09
Thumbs up, sudi.. Nothing more to add, you said it all..
Peace
@Shaun72 (15959)
• Palatka, Florida
18 Jun 09
I see your point. It is hard to get to know people and be really hood friends with them because like you said in what you wrote you have never really met the person or been in contact. I have still met a quite a few people that I have a lot in common with although I will proberly never meet them in real life. I still feel a conection because I have talked to them online or in Mylot.
1 person likes this
@Skills1789 (462)
• Portugal
18 Jun 09
That connection you talk about is exactly that contact i refered, Shaun...that´s the contact that can be, or not, taken to the next level, that level of real knowledge which, in time, can take to the final stage..friendship..
Peace
@chenxiaoyue_713 (2165)
• China
18 Jun 09
Hi~~I can't agree with you more. Indeed, lots of mylotters claim they've met nice friends here. But they made a mistake in defining "friendship" . The true friendship means "when you are down, and the world seems dark and empty, your friend lifts you up in spirits and makes that dark and empty world suddenly seem bright and full. Your friend gets you through the hard times, the sad times and the confused times..."(quotated). Yet we can't not see these qualities from online friends, and we may never feel online friends the same way as we feel for friends in reality. It is even difficult to make true friends in our real life, not to mention in a virtual space.
However, we can't rule out the possibility that some people do become friends in reality. They call each other, dine out together, sharing opinions face to face.
As to me, I do like communicating with online "friends". I just focus more on learning from them different cultures and ideology. When I'm not online, I seldom think of my online "friends" cause I know all these are just virtual.
Anyway, we don't have to bother ourselves on this issue. Just try to enjoy our time here!
@Skills1789 (462)
• Portugal
18 Jun 09
Thanks for reinforcing the multicultural value of mylot, chen...
Peace and productive myloting!
;)
@Youreyes4Today (2356)
• United States
18 Jun 09
In life there will be many people that walk through your life, in person, on the phone, through the internet and snail mail. In each of them you can make friends, depends on each person if they are being real or not. One can also make a friendship online and then meet in person someplace and then go back to being friends online because they met during one's vacation etc. I have some very close friends that are online, I have met once or twice since that friendship. One is in Austrialia, do I trust her, yes I do, would she be there when I needed a friend, yes she will and has, not in person but either on the phone or online. That I can say about these two ladies. I have also been offered to move to another state by friends to help out, that I met online. They were true to their words. I am also here for them when they need a friend to hear, listen to them.
My opinion is, Yes you can make friends in any walk of life, at the sametime, many people are fake and just do to get what they can out of others in any of the above situations, online, offline, phone, etc. It is a choice whether we want to make friends or not with others. Its what we feel within ourself that brings us to those decisions.
All in all, it depends on each person within themselves; who are, who can be, and how others become their friends.
@marguicha (215710)
• Chile
18 Jun 09
I absolutly agree with you. I live alone and I have been tempted many times with those "friend" sites. But after a second´s thought I think exactly like you do. There has to be a sharing of a space, an eye to eye contact, the knowledge of gestual language which only happens when you are real.
Still, it´s rewarding to read a post like yours. You are virtual, but you are someone worth knowing.
Welcome to mylot!!!
1 person likes this
@Skills1789 (462)
• Portugal
18 Jun 09
Thank you for your sincerity and kindness, marguicha...
Peace
@corrycrystal (1775)
• Malaysia
18 Jun 09
Generally, I believe in internet relationship and friendship as I have witnessed a lot of successful cases. It's true that one can be whatever or whoever she/he wants to be, but also it's all depends on both parties on whether they want to take it to the next level or just leave it as the way it is, where once they are logged out of MyLot, that's it! Sometimes, a friend you have been laughing and crying with in the 'real' world can one day turn out to be a stranger to you, so, it is always possible that a friendship that is built on the net can turn out to be the best one either. :)
1 person likes this
@Skills1789 (462)
• Portugal
18 Jun 09
Exactly corry.. I do believe that you need to take it to the next level, if you really want to build a solid friendship.. And it´s true, real life isn´t perfect, real life friends can disappoint you..
Peace
@ivana980 (156)
• Italy
18 Jun 09
Yes, i believe to the possibility to build friendship online, and in this website too.... I like to met other people and this is a site that allows you to do it, maybe the people that you meet are not your special friend or important people, because you can't go out with them, you can't hear them by phone if they are from another country... but you can met very intersting people.
@Skills1789 (462)
• Portugal
19 Jun 09
Thanks for your response!
In that point i agree with you, ivana: you can meet very interesting people online.
