I think she has became INSANE!!!!???

@mermaidivy (15417)
United States
June 18, 2009 8:57am CST
Do you think she is having some psycho problems?? Here we go, I have a female friend, she got married with her husband for half year, she left her family and home country, followed her husband to another country, since then, she always feel so stressed about having left her family, her family is giving her hard time about leaving and being irresponsible; she has no friends, no family besides her husband in this country; she needs to be home all day long since she is new here so she doesn't get to drive yet; she has no work... no nothing... She told mewhen she is stressed out about the whole thing, she feels extremely headache and it is mentally torturing her to death... she is scared to talk to her husband because husband will think she is complaining or yelling all kinds of negative stuff... so she kept it underneath. She finally exploded it last night and told the husband about what she thinks, of course her husband blamed her about complaining... she told me that she is painful because she is having serious homesick, she cannot even go out sometimes to try to not think about all of her issues, she is stressed... but husband won't ask about it at all and just ignore it makes her feel even worse... at the same time, she felt bad that she made her husband sad by telling him all the stuff... She is confused, depressed, doens't know what to do with it... I think she has became insane. What do you think????????
2 people like this
12 responses
@sjvenden27 (1851)
• United States
19 Jun 09
She is not insane! She is stuck in an abusive relationship with her husband.. In order for her to realize this she needs to have people like you there to talk to her, help her feel sane.. The power that her husband has over her is huge, and he will use the fact that she feels unstable against her.. Yes it would seem crazy for her to leave her husband, and live in a foreign land. Right now that may be the only choice she has for the moment.. As a friend the best thing you could do, is look up on line of places and people that help women get out of abusive situations like this.. She is scared, feels worthless, and proably hopeless. These are all ideas that have been put into her head by her husband.. The power that he uses against her, makes him feel powerful, and secure in the relationship. A scared person will not think clearly, thus will never leave the situation they are in.. If you need more suggestions please do let me know.. I got out away from my abusive husband of 9 years... If there is anything ok?
@mermaidivy (15417)
• United States
22 Jun 09
So does that mean her husband is being abusive????
1 person likes this
• United States
23 Jun 09
That is exactly what I mean!!! I was living with an abusive husband for 9 years, and if it was not for the grace of god, the night that I left, I would have been killed by the hands of the one that I loved for so long.. I was still in love with the man that I married and not the man he become... I was caught right in the middle of situation so I did not see the abuse, friends and family tried to warn me that the situation I was in was bad.. But I didn't believe them I thought that they just didn't want me to be happy.. Not realizing that I was not happy.. I was just hiding my true feelings not only from my close friends and family, but myself too.. If you explain what you see is wrong it may take her by surprise, and/or get her really upset... I am not exactly sure how to talk to her about this, each person is different.. Good luck and any more questions i would be happy to answer
• Philippines
19 Jun 09
Actually your friend is not insane. But to keep it all by herself, then that will make her to become uncontrollable. If ever she can talk freely on her husband, she would be at least at ease and comforted of not feeling home sick. I am on the same boat of being alone at home, not in my own country, not having close friends and I cannot work yet unless my visa allows me. But what I thanked God for is that I am blessed with a very supportive husband and also my in laws also takes care of me even if we do live separately with my mom and dad in law. For now, what I do is to earn online, if my visa is ok, I can consider taking jobs here. I only have a question about your friend, does she talk to her folks back home. I mean, for me even if I am far away from my family, i see to it that we talk online and I get to see them via web cam too, so that at least takes care of being homesick. I have been in this country for two years, and I am patiently waiting for so long to do what it takes to stand on my feet too. Although hubby supports me financially, no doubt about it, but I still wanted to earn for myself and give something for my folks back home. I think your friend needs to be open and sincere and specially brave enough about what she really wants and speak it out in a way that it would not hurt her husband. Remember that a furious answer stirs up anger. I hope your friend thinks not only her self, try to see also what her hubby will feel. But the main thing here is that their relationship as husband and wife should be transparent, and not just one sided also.
@mermaidivy (15417)
• United States
22 Jun 09
She does talk to her friends that at her home country sometimes but still... she is staying home all day long and have no prents, no friends, stay at home like a jail...
@myx_03 (540)
• Philippines
19 Jun 09
Dont think that she is insane, remember that she is your friend. Because of stress plus the trials she been through its normal to have a feeling like, but when she truly acting not normal, thatz the time you say that she is insane. :)
@mermaidivy (15417)
• United States
22 Jun 09
Thanks for responding :-)
@lingli_78 (12860)
• Australia
19 Jun 09
i think she is undergo a lot of stress and pressure but not to the level of insane yet... but she really need to talk about it to somebody and not just keep it to herself as it is very unhealthy... may be ask her to seek professional help and start doing things that she like to help her to get over her homesickness... and i think her hubby is also very cruel in ignoring her like that... he should at least try to show his care and concern a bit to her as she is already sacrifice moving to another country for him... what a jerk he is... take care and have a nice day...
@mermaidivy (15417)
• United States
22 Jun 09
I do feel really bad for her :-(
• India
19 Jun 09
She has become truly homesick and her husband should have supported her instead of shouting. As it is, any person will become mad if she has to sit in the house whole day with nothing to do and nobody to talk to and nowhere to go, either. Her husband is the only person she knew in a strange land…while she is acting immature for being so homesick, her husband too is ill-treating her.
@mermaidivy (15417)
• United States
22 Jun 09
Her husband is really only thing she can have...
@trinee (514)
• Trinidad And Tobago
19 Jun 09
Sounds like she is not adapting well to her new environment. She needs to speak with her husband and let him know how she feels. If she and her husband don't know how to communicate properly then all he will be hearing is noise and complaints and all she will be hearing is an uncaring husband. When you move to a new country you will have to adjust especially if you have not traveled a lot in the past and you have always lived in the comfort and security of your family. Now you will have to go out there and fend for yourself like an adult. You have a husband who should take care of you but you need to also do things to help yourself and your husband. Now.. perhaps there may be issues that we on mylot don't know about so we can only comment on what we have been told. I hope that will understand though.. that you have to make yourself happy and others can only add to it. Hope she will have a support system because she will need it. Best of luck !
@mermaidivy (15417)
• United States
22 Jun 09
Thanks for responding :-) I hope she will do fine too...
@gelay07 (591)
• Philippines
19 Jun 09
she has to get a job to keep her busy otherwise she will become insane. She made a decision to leave her family and stay with her husband, she has to be responsible for her actions. do something worthwhile instead of entertaining negative thoughts. It's a new life she's in now, so she should learn to adjust to it.
@mermaidivy (15417)
• United States
22 Jun 09
She has been trying really hard...
@JOIEMARVIC (2342)
• Philippines
19 Jun 09
I think your friend is not insane. She is just stressed, depressed. lonely and coping up. As her friend I guess the best you can do to help her is to encourage her. Allow her to tell you ablut her problems and you in return will give advices which will be helpful to her and her family.MAke things less difficult for her by assuring her that you are there to support her through this time in her life. I guess it is also best to advice her to have a meture talk with her husband. Find a time where both of the are calm and talk about their problems when they are both in a sound mind, and not a stressed one.
@mermaidivy (15417)
• United States
22 Jun 09
I do everything I can to make her feel better... Thanks for responding :-)
@reckon21 (3488)
• Philippines
19 Jun 09
She is in a foreign land and everything is new to her. She got plagued by extreme homesickness and to make it worse her husband is blaming her. I think she is lonely, she must have someone to talk to, a friend. She must start chatting with her neighbors to meet new friends it might help her.
@mermaidivy (15417)
• United States
22 Jun 09
The problem is she doesn't have a way to meet new friends either...
@kanecn (150)
• China
19 Jun 09
It's natural to be homesick if someone lives abroad for years. What she need to do is not complaiming, she should get a job there or should learn the native language if necessary, then she will make some friends from work or learning language and get used to the life there. My sister lives abroad for years as well. She learned English and got a job there, now she has classmates and friends to keep in touch with, has a good relationship with her landlord.She is happy though she is homesick. Above all, i think your friend should try to get used to the life there as soon as possible.Hopefully what i said is helpful for you to help your friend out. Have a good day!
@mermaidivy (15417)
• United States
22 Jun 09
She knows the language but she is not able to get a job because she can't drive and financial situation doesn't allow her to get a car...What tough time she is going through...
@gr8life (6253)
• Malaysia
19 Jun 09
Hello mermaidivy, If your friend doesn't talk to others, it's very hard to solve the problem. You can't let her just keep everything inside and doesn't want to let it go. She supposed to discuss the matter with the husband (as he is the closest person to her right now) and as a husband, he is supposed to help her find the solution. I think it is very stressful if you need to live on your own, away from your family members. You need an emotional support from people around you and try to let it out to the closer family member.
@mermaidivy (15417)
• United States
22 Jun 09
My friend does talk to her husband but her husband either forgets quick or doesn't care as much...
1 person likes this
@eLsMarie (4135)
• Philippines
19 Jun 09
i don't think that your friend is insane... i find it very hard on her part because she was still in the adjusting process and her husband isn't helping her. your friend is practically normal, it just so happened that she's having a rough time adjusting things and trying to reach out with her unthoughtful husband.... :)
@mermaidivy (15417)
• United States
22 Jun 09
I wish her husband is more thoughtful about her feeling. Thanks for responding :-)