Stay or Leave?.......

Congrats on that...........I have a question though....Do you have any advice for anyone going through this with a man b/c being a woman you know how we can be when jealous of current situations and make it hard for the current person (either thru the kids, the man or even the family). What do you suggest?

Well, I would say that it would take a lot of patience, understanding, a whole lot of good humor and unconditional love to make it through all the challenges of having "step-kids". Also, the couple MUST have that deeper sense of maturity and selflessness in order to get by. Being open and prepared for the day-to-day scenarios is also a very good idea. What I'm trying to say is, if you really love the person you are with, if you are really focused on saving that relationship no matter what, you have to take every step together as a couple. My husband and I went through tough times, even to the point of being judged and mocked by the people we thought were real. He suffered a lot of ridicule for sticking it out with me even though I had 3 kids outside of our "family". At first, there were constant bickering, constant fights that sometimes even led to physical and verbal hurts. My kids endured confusion day in and day out due to the fact that they were treated differently by their "so-called dad". But he and I came to a point when we asked ourselves, "what are we doing? do we really mean to be together and be happy together?" When we were able to answer that positively, then the changes began. We started to see ourselves as "real" family. We started to feel and do stuff like "real" family. The jealousy stopped and genuine acceptance began. It has been 12 years and I am proud to say that my kids immensely love their "dad" and vice versa. You could see that in their eyes. Now, all our friends and families give us a pat on the back for staying strong together.

I'd like to add: MATURITY plays a major factor in this kind of relationship. When I say maturity, it doesn't mean you have to be old, it means you have to be wise enough and patient enough to not be affected by the drama and to stay calm amidst the flood of emotions. There will be plenty of that I tell you but when you remain cool and understanding, when you stay focused on the healing itself instead of the jealousy, of the nagging and constant emotional tug-of-war, then happiness and peace would follow. I'm not saying that it isn't hard. I always say this: "We've been through hell and back" and for those who say they would "never" be in such situation, well, I never thought I would be in such a mess too, but I was. Now there's no regret because I was able to find myself and find the best person for me and my kids... No more drama...