Is it difficult to be good to your inlaws ?

Mother in laws generally become a problem in a joint family. In a nuclear family each one are for himself. But the real challenge lies in remaining in a joint family and facing it. There is a need to compromise. The policy of give and take must be adhered to. Comfrontations must be avoided.

I think the best thing is to know where the draw the lines. My sister in law gets along with the family well. Maybe because, she orphaned before she got married to my brother, and she treats my mom as her own mother. And my mom is not that hard on her, that when she calls on my mom for help if she gets in a fight with my brother, my mom always ends up scolding my brother. I cant tell you much about it since i dont ahve first hand experience about in law. But at the time when me and my live in partner are living together, i dont want to live with my in laws, i dont want to cause static, so even before they can say anything, i have to ask my partner to get us anothr place to stay.

I think we have a pre-set mentality that it's not easy to get along with inlaws... maybe because of media hype regarding this, movies even tv shows that shows in-laws not getting along, but its not necessarily the going thing. I think the best way is to care without suffocating and to advice without meddling. I think the problem that has often come between in-laws is the 'meddling stuff' and the 'comparing stuff'. We have to realize that we each have our own way of handling different matters and once we accept each others individuality I guess we can muddle through. Like you, I have been living with my in-laws all my married life and there has been some misunderstandings at time, we are all but human and prone to mistakes, but generally we have gotten along well and I think it is because we have learned to respect each other. I have my way and they have theirs. We have learned not to or at least try not to step on each others toes. And in this way we have all learned to get along.

I think, In law issues often arise when you and your spouse are not in the same page. Say for example, you notice your mother-in-law to be demanding and always criticizing the way you hande the family and your husband does not do anything about it, it becomes a real big deal. Even the food you cook for your family is being compared to your mother-in-laws cooking by your husband, it adds. I have observed in laws mandate their own ways in their childrens' homes. How things should be done their way. There are also in laws who go into their children's homes and go straight to the master bedroom to get their grandchild. If you are the woman of the house how would you feel? Would it be difficult to be good to your in laws?