What would you do if the pilot died in the middle of your airline flight?

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I'm like "Factotum" ... I'd sure as heck try and land it myself! My problem is, they'd probably give me Lloyd Bridges to talk me down (like in the old "Airplane" movie), and it would be a bad day for both of us to have quit painkillers! I can hear him now (unknowingly, with his mic keyed on) saying "they have a dis-abled, drug addicted, useless old mailman trying to land this thing ... heck, direct them out over the ocean and let them crash ... let's try to save everyone on the ground ... we KNOW those poor suckers on the plane are goners"!