which of the 3 is the most impt. in long distance relationship?

Philippines
July 27, 2009 9:37am CST
a.) love? b.) trust? c.) communication? friends, im really confused. should i trust him and wait for him? and let him do whatever he wants? is it really a need to have this "constant" communication? or one text a day is just enough? for me, as long as theres a will theres a way. i always told him that. i wanted him to text or call me twice a day so that i would not doubt him that he's cheating on me. i told him that as much as possible he would tell me what he is doing the whole day and who is with him. but am i doing the right thing? whachu think friends?
1 person likes this
14 responses
@simonelee (2721)
• China
27 Jul 09
Well, i cannot really tell because If you only relay on love nothing will happened. If you say trust? that is also important in a relationship. And if you also say communication? that is the key to know if both of are are still together. Its really hard to tell because for me all those three are very important. I'm also in a long distance relationship for more than 4 years and I can say it's not easy because doubt is always there. I also demand of his time to assure me that everything is still alright but, things are not working. And I'm in pain, still in pain. I 'm still hoping that things will back to normal and we will be happy again as before. I'm trying my very best to understand the situation...
• Philippines
27 Jul 09
hello there simonelee, you're just like me and im just like you, i also demand his time so that i would not doubt him. that's why i'am asking for advices so that i could weigh things up and i would know what to do. and wait, why things arent working? did u guys broke up? im sorry to hear taht. don't worry everythings will be alright, in god's time. and to think we, that are in a long distance affair have really this courage to take this risk, so we should be proud of ourselves!
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@simonelee (2721)
• China
28 Jul 09
we are still together but some issues are need to be solve. We still love each other but, as a lady we always want their attention. WE always want to be cuddle as much as possible if he is only near,right? Can't really give you right advice...
• Philippines
28 Jul 09
i see, its okay simonelee i understand. i hope everything will be fine between you and your boyfriend. i agree wit u, we girls wanted their attention all the time.
@reco13 (605)
• Philippines
27 Jul 09
All the three are important for a relationship, may it be long distance love affair or not. I understand you and I easily picture your situation. I'm also into a long distance relationship. It's hard I know, and even harder when you miss each other each day passing by. There should be constant communication with this relationship. Like me, my BF calls me everyday. It keeps the feelings and sparks of your love for each other alive. But if he didn't call, I understand him. It is a two-way street as they say. I also make a way to keep our communication going. I always email him and lets him know how I'm doing. But if you'll ask me which among the three is the most important, I must say that it is trust. It's the foundation of every relationship. When you trust your partner, everything follows. Well, that is based on my experience. lol. Because the more I trust him, the more he loves me. I can feel it. And just a piece of advice my friend, do not force your bf to call you twice a day or doubt that he is cheating on you. They hate that. Let him enjoy his life and enjoy your life too. Just trust each other. With this, you'll feel better and more comfortable. :)
1 person likes this
• Philippines
27 Jul 09
hi reco, thank you, i know its really hard to have this kind of situation. this is my first time so i decided to ask for help here in mylot. i know a lot of senseful people to talk in here. iam just 22 years old how can be life so unfair to me? lol. i think im too young to handle such serious situation. huhuhu well anyway, i know trust is really important and i know also that what i'am doing is morally wrong. i don't know know what to do because he's 4years older than me but i think iam more matured in handling relationship than him. he is my first boyfriend and likewise wit him-iam his first girlfriend. actually, before he leave he got the chance to talk with my parents and told my parents that he would come back for me and in my part its really overwhelming and grateful that he said that to my parents. but reco, is that enough or does it prove that he really loves me?
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@reco13 (605)
• Philippines
28 Jul 09
Well, if he had already talked with your parents and mentioned the intention of coming back to you, trust him. Those are only words, yes. But come to think of it. Not every guy could have the courage to do so. Also, he has to keep his words to you and your parents. If he breaks his words, then he's not man enough and not worthy of your love. This isn't easy for you, I know. I'm also 22 years old like you. We were away from each other for almost 7 years. You probably do worry because you just miss the times you are together. But sooner or later, you'll learn to live your own life away from each other. I wish you the best in your relationship! :)
• Philippines
29 Jul 09
yes, i agree wit you i terribly miss those times. i hope so reco that i can do live my life being a far from him. what i did thesse past few weeks is to focus on my work and working out,sometimes hanging out with friends could really help a lot. im keeping my self busy a lot so that i couldnt think of him anymore like what hes doing and why did he didnt call me to avoid mis-understanding. i know i trust him but sometimes because of what people response about long distance that only few who have survive the said affair, i feel like iam doing the right thing? should i really trust him 100%? others said that im too young to take it seriously, i should be enjoying my age and exploring life, but im not like that, he was my first boyfriend and i was his first girlfriend and im so glad that we have reach our 4th year. so this really means that hes serious about it right? sometimes i wanted to give up. honestly rico, i still dont know what to do. :(
@nigarish (70)
• India
27 Jul 09
hi dear.....u gals r so silly....but dont mind my language...but seriously in 2days world the person who is standing in front of u is non trustable than hw can u trust a person u never saw....i tell boyzzz cant be trusted..specially when they are attached u from internet.....mylott could be a good site for frens coz frens helps us here to get paid atleast.....lol....i myself a boy n i always wonder internet frens for just a flirting purpose....thats it...i may sound vulgar but i m trying to save ur life.....stay happy....because ur tears may cause problem to ur mom n dad....:-)
1 person likes this
• India
28 Jul 09
hi dear........its just 2 say sorry to u ....if u felt my any words wrong....actully i was in misconception that the boyfren u was taking about was actually ur visible boyfren....but i thought he is your internet boyfren....lol...see if u trust him and he trust u n loves u than theres no problem the only thing is than required is good communication and ur trust on him.....if any one of u hav.001% of unreliability than u both will feel pain......its up to u wat u chose dear....if u love him him than i could only pray to god that he makes u both happy and showers his blessing on the lovely couple......hav a great day.....tc
• Philippines
29 Jul 09
its okay, i understand. lemme guess, ur a newbie like me? he he he. welcome to mylot. maybe you havent read the mylot guidlines thats why youve response differntly. anway, thank you. so how about you? have you been into long distance affair? what do you think? will it work? or not? godspeed. :)
• India
27 Jul 09
i think the most important thing is to have ur love properly communicated.....
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• Philippines
28 Jul 09
very well said shravandone. i strongly agree!!
• India
27 Jul 09
Hi friend, I hope each is having its own importance to keep up the relationship.Most prior is communication.The more you communicate the more you know about them.With that love and trust also comes simultaneously.Now a days due to lack of communication,there are so many break ups in the relationship.Good communication always lead to life loving relationship.So one should keep in mind while communicating with their relatives or with their beloved ones.We have to communicate in such a way that we should keep up the relationship for ever with them.Is it your boy friend you are talking about?.If so,please don't keep doubt on him if you truly love him.Just ask him to call to know how you are and how is he doing.You should be like a friend to me while communicating.If you think he cheats you,i hope you are not knowing him properly.Be careful,if he knows you are doubting.It may lead to destruction in your relationship too.Tackle your doubt wisely in such a way that he should not get any doubts. Have a nice day
1 person likes this
• Philippines
28 Jul 09
hi sudhajosyula, i really agree wit you that due to lack of communication there are so many break ups in relationship, lots of mis-understanding too. when we talk about communication there are lots of ways that you can use-theres the chatting, emails, or even the the older version of emailing which uses post office. ha ha ha. i miss those times. nway, i believe in the saying "if theres a will, theres a way". i always remind my boyfriend about that.
@daryljane (3439)
• Philippines
27 Jul 09
I think the most important thing is TRUST. If you trust him, even if he doesnt call or text in a day, u know that things are OK..but if you dont trust him enough, a day without text makes you think things differently, you start to doubt and a lot of thing can come into mind that most of the time, you really dont like. So, i can say trust is really important.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
28 Jul 09
hi darlyjane, thank u for the response. i know, and i will try my very best not to think different against him. i really agree about what you've said that a lot of things really comes into my mind and it not only bothers me but also my work and everyone around me. thanks!
@nigarish (70)
• India
27 Jul 09
hi dear.....u gals r so silly....but dont mind my language...but seriously in 2days world the person who is standing in front of u is non trustable than hw can u trust a person u never saw....i tell boyzzz cant be trusted..specially when they are attached u from internet.....mylott could be a good site for frens coz frens helps us here to get paid atleast.....lol....i myself a boy n i always wonder internet frens for just a flirting purpose....thats it...i may sound vulgar but i m trying to save ur life.....stay happy....because ur tears may cause problem to ur mim n dad....:-)
• Philippines
28 Jul 09
hi nigarish, i have a favor, before you comment to the discussion you should read first the whole discussion so that you will know what we are talking about. i think you didn't understand what we were talking about. to summarize it all were talking about my situation between me and my boyfriend, we were together for 3years and now he went somwhere for work- how can you tell that i never saw him when were together for a couple of years? lol. and boys i know can be trusted but they have this certain attitude that we could never detached, its their being polygamous in nature. nway, i think im out of the topic already. were just trying to talk about what is the most important thing in a long distance love affair. its not about looking for special someone here in mylot. and were not flirting! were sharing our thoughts and ideas about the topic okay? but i thank you for responding my topic even though your out of the topic. he he he. happy mylotting my friend! :)
@marty3888 (2358)
• United States
27 Jul 09
The closest I've come to a long distance relationship is when I was a teen. I met this girl at the beach. I didn't have a license yet. She lived a whopping 6 miles away from me. Of course there was no texting back then so our relationshyip was over the phone. I had to call her every day. It was when we were moving out to a new house and now I couldn't even call her every day. Thagt was when she said she felt like she was going with a ghost and we broke up. First of all, if he has to text you two timesw a day or any times aq day to prove he's not cheating, there's something wrong. To tell the truth, he could live 3 miles away and still be cheating. And as long as you are in a relationship, he should not be able to do anything he wants. Just like you shouldn't be able to do what ever you want. And telling him to tell you what he is doing the whole day and who he's with. Not a good idea. First of all, it sort of shows a lack of trust, but it also is controlling. You always here of controlling men but women can be too. Either way, I don't like it. I think the things that are important in a long distance relationshipm are the same things that are important in a regular relationship.
• Philippines
27 Jul 09
hi marty, thanks for the response. anyway, i know we can really not tell if he's telling the truth or not,I'am doing all this because of him- he is the reason why iam becoming paranoid-he have broken my trust and once you have broken it its really hard to give your 100% trust on him, actually i can't remember he dis-agree wit what i want him to do. in fact, he's trying he's best to do what i want him to do. is this enough to prove that he's sorry for what he have done? by giving what i want?
@marty3888 (2358)
• United States
27 Jul 09
It might be. Again this is something that I sort of have experience with but not that kind. My girlfriend and I bought a house back in 2002. Finally met someone to love after a very very long time. And I thought we were going to get married. Then she backed out. Then one day she said to me "if you still want to get married, I'd be proud to be your wife." But because of before, I was happy she said that, but didn't think it was time to get an engagent ring yet. She had said that to me because her friend had told her "maybe a wedding isn't important to you, but it's important to him. Then my brother got married and had it in her yard. She loved it so much and when my brother said he would be willing to do this for us, she got real excited and jokingly asked "what are you doing in two weeks?" Her reaction made me think now, I can go out and buy the ring. After buying the ring, before giving it to her she came up with an excuse to back out again. So now, I don't think I'm ever getting married, even though we're going to be together forever. Anyway, if I ever sold the ring and at a later time, she told me she wanted to get married, I can't see myself going out and getting her anpother one just to hafve her back out again.
• Philippines
28 Jul 09
but why does she always do that? getting married and having a family is one of the girls dream.it maybe not all the girls but most of the girls. actually before my boyfriend went to dubai for work i jokingly told him that i wanted to get married and he answered that its not yet the right time because he still dont have a stable job and he has to help out his family. i know this is too personal but if its okay wit u to ask, what do you think why she always backed out? have you done something bad against her before that its easy for her to do that to you?
• India
28 Jul 09
you summed it up real nice but i think honesty too matters i think without honesty no relationship can grow and last the distance.
• Philippines
29 Jul 09
hi there vikram, thanks for the response. i will take all your advices. nway, have you tried long distance affair too?
• United States
28 Jul 09
Trust seems like a big issue for your relationship. I think commminication is very important, but not if its only because there is a lack of trust. Also there is no good relationship without love. You must have a balance of all three of these qualities in order for the relationship to last.
• Philippines
29 Jul 09
hi meganlynn, thanks. so what do you think? even though how many years your apart as long as you have all these then youll relationship will last? how about the presence? is it not ipmortant? because ive heard thats why most of relationship fail because the both parties tend to look for someone who is present in the place and i think another reason why they cheat because of being homesick. what is your opinion abuot that?
@eLsMarie (4135)
• Philippines
28 Jul 09
constant communication is very much important in a long distance relationship because when communication is present your partner would be assured that you still have the effort, time, and respect for him/her and that can make him/her feel so much loved by you... it also brings out trust.
• Philippines
29 Jul 09
hi elsmarie. thank you for the response. have you been to long distance relationship? happy mylotting..
@janebeth (2035)
• Philippines
28 Jul 09
hi narvech, all of them are important but i think the most important for them all is trust.. even if you do love him/her and communicate always but if you don't trust him/her it would still come up in break-ups, because you will always think negative to him/her, on where he/she is, or who are with him/her etc. and can make a lot of arguments and lead to big quarrels ... but if you will trust him/her both of you can surely have a peaceful and meaningful relationship for you to share with each other in a very long years to come...(charing) lol... janebeth..
• Philippines
29 Jul 09
ah okay. thanks janebeth. why? have you been to the same situation? what have you learned from it?
@neildc (16903)
• Philippines
28 Jul 09
hi narvech. for me, the most important is TRUST. i don't know how to explain it, but for me it is very important, though near or far. partners, lovers, spouses, friends, etc. they know they love each other. they know how to communicate. but if TRUST gets lost, it will be impossible to win back. you can still the love and you will still communicate, but DOUBT will be forever. the reason i am saying this, is for one, i don't like to get far away from my loved ones, my family. temptations will go near, once you are far from her. it's not just for me, it goes for everybody, men and women. and now, with your situation, i think one message a day is enough. put a trust in him. love is there so for sure, you trust him. and never ever tell him, "don't let me catch you cheating on me" or "don't cheat on me". he will be challenged or you are tempting him to do that...
• Philippines
28 Jul 09
hi neildc, thanks for the response. i will take your advice. thanks. take care blackberry. he he he.. ;)
• United States
27 Jul 09
hey there hun..Soo I have been here once and im telling you its pretty hard.but then u have to think what really is teh difference with him beign far away and being close to you? if u dont trust him now u never will..what makes u think he wouldnt cheat if he was by you? just because hes close doesnt mean he wouldnt do it..heres what i think..if ur going to make it work..u need to trust him 100% if its there with u or there far away..just take it slow..and dont always need him to text u and call u tons of times a day..u wil push him away fasttt.. and even if he did call u and text u all those times u want..again..there would alway be a tiem he could..girlll..if u want this to work loosen your chain u have on him..or badd things are gonna happen!
• Philippines
28 Jul 09
hi cloud_kicker thanks for droppin by. i will take your advice. and my answer about your question about whats the difference bet. hes close and far away- whenever his close i can easily observe his actions, iam a type of girl who makes sure that iam not being fooled. ha ha ha. i always makes sure that if i can sense that hes just playing around then i will play hard but if i can see that hes serious then i will be. infairness to my boyfriend, i can tell that his serious because if his not he wont take the risk of talking to my parents and telling them how much he loves me. isnt that enough to just prove that his serious to me?