Trying to get by one day at a time
August 4, 2009 6:45pm CST
For most people, life is just something they do. They don't think about what's going on, or what could happen to them. Most people take life for granted, always thinking that they wont get sick or die before they get old. Then there are those like me. We wonder if we'll wake up tomorrow to face more trials and hardships. It hits me harder now, more so than it did 3 years ago when I faced an almost identical situation. It hits me harder because it's worse than it was back then. Today I went for my yearly checkup. For us women, you know what's involved there. My Dr found something that shouldn't have been there, an alarm bell since I had a cancer scare 3 years ago. I am faced with the horrible nightmare of wondering for 2 weeks if I have cancer or not. I didn't have that worry 3 years ago, so it caught me off guard when I'd gotten a phone call asking me to come in to discuss test results. I was scared back then. 3 years younger than I am now, but facing something I shouldn't be facing as I was too young for it. I had a precancerous growth that had to be treated immediately or I risked it developing into cancer. It was treated, successfully, but not without irreversible consequences that I live with daily. These consequences became apparent as time went on. I'd discussed it last year with my Dr, but said it wasn't bothering me. It bothers me this year, but I didn't discuss it with him, as we had more pressing issues to deal with. So this morning, 2 years after receiving a clean bill of health, he found something that shouldn't have been where it was. And now we wait, 2 long weeks for test results, to find out if my worst fears will become reality. Cancer. It's a harsh word, and no one should have to face cancer alone. But I have no family to turn to, my husband asks me when I'm going to die, quite frankly I find that quite rude. I've only spoken to one person about this, but not specific details about what's happening, in fact, no one really knows it but me. I'm also facing other medical issues on top of the cancer problem, they should be small in comparison, but they're not really. I have eczema, was wondering for the last 4 months what was wrong with my skin. Treatable, great, but not something that will ever go away. Makes life hard as I work with my hands and it's on one of my fingers and has spread to an elbow already. I also have to deal with weight issues, I'm about 85lbs overweight although most people would say that I carry it well. So my Dr has told me to keep a diary of what I eat and how often I eat, but we're also waiting for results of thyroid testing to see if that's what's causing the trouble. Because of my weight, my nerve injury I suffered 6 years ago is coming back to haunt me in horrible ways. Everyday life is affected especially when I'm working alot. I go for chiropractic treatments, but they only do so much for me. I have to go weekly and it's not cheap, what with parking and the actual cost of the treatments. It really adds up. My bloodwork results will be back in about a week, the other results in about 2 weeks, so all I can do is just wait and hope for the best, but at the same time, fear the worst. All I need is prayers and support, the rest I need to do myself.