Is it a crush? Is it love? Or is it...

India
August 21, 2009 4:02am CST
Have you felt this? Your heart makes a loud thump and your blood starts travelling furiously through your veins. You are sure you are going to die of breathlessness. In short, you have a huge crush on a person and you are unable to express it. How many times have you fallen in love? Do you think infatuation and love are just stages?
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13 responses
@divkris (1163)
• India
21 Aug 09
Many a times - *grin*. I had crush on my schoolmates, classmates, and even on my ex-boss. Oh! that was a major one :P - This guy (ex-boss)was very caring and was smart. not great with looks but extremely intelligent and a techno guy, had a cool temper and though he always gave me a "you are still a kid" look i liked his attitude. But then i knew that i was not in love and all, it is just that i adore him and like him as my mentor :) I do think there is a huge difference between infatuation/crush and love and the main difference is the time. Crush is a short term attraction (more to do with the physical attraction) where as love is a long term attraction (where the physical attraction moves to mental/emotional bondage).
• India
21 Aug 09
Yesss. You are right. Mostly, its pure lust. And you are so amorously taken that you feel strongly attracted to a person. Love is nowhere nearby. It is only physical attraction. But then, is love also not physical attraction in the beginning? Would you say that when you fall in love, you wont bother how the guy/girl looks! Nah, I wont believe that. I can believe that in your eyes the person looks stupendous but they have to be attractive. :)
@divkris (1163)
• India
21 Aug 09
If it is true love looks don't matter at all. The adage - Face is the index of the mind - doesn't work anymore b'coz looks are now deceptive. True love is about bonding of the minds and accepting each other as what they are. I know many people who got attracted to each other because of looks but after a while got bored of each other - i don't think it is true love. What say?
• India
22 Aug 09
Hmmm, yep. Correct. But I would still say, the initial attraction between two people begins with a mental liking for the other. For example, my friend who got married recently, was in love with this guy for 7 years. They look very good together. But, initially they found each other very very attractive. And the initial sparks.fireworks gave way to the mental bonding you mentioned. Now, they complete each other's sentences and blah. You know the routine. And you know what they seem so satiated always. Now this is love ok. But when the affair started, it was love+attraction+lust. :)
@Theresaaiza (10484)
• Australia
21 Aug 09
Hi tutor, if there's one word on earth that is so difficult to define, it's LOVE. right? I think infatuation, crush, love, admiration, appreciation.....they can all be stages, and/or categories. Some infatuation turn into love in the end. Some love die down into plain infatuation or respect. Some infatuation stay the same forever.Some even turn to hate. All I know is everything is a process. True love really does take time. And feeling those feelings don't really mean it's love yet. Although whew I do blush when I see my crush.
• India
21 Aug 09
Its very difficult to get true love in these times. You can fall and remain in love for a long time but you always come up for air when you fall in infatuation. The euphoric feeling remains only for a short time, but the joy that it leaves is simply great. Anyway, people who get their soulmates and are truly in love are truly lucky. But, you know these silly crushes on cute looking men/women is such a primal thing that we tend to simply fall for it, every time. Isnt it? And tell me would it matter to you, if you are with a partner and you have a crush on some other guy/girl? :)
@Theresaaiza (10484)
• Australia
21 Aug 09
Hi tutor, I am actually in a relationship. But it isn't a total mistake to still have crushes on well like you said, cute men. In fact, just yesterday, I was so happy to see my crush in the same public transport that I was in. I even really tried to get close to him. HJust get close to him and not like flirt or even talk to him. I did get close (without him knowing, of course) hehehe. But well, since I am committed to someone, which is a good thing, I do limit myself to just crushing on someone and not really going to certain lengths to be with that person. I think it's normal.
• India
21 Aug 09
Heehee. I know what you mean. I feel really naughty sometimes, when I try to sneak and check out cute looking men. Sometimes I also get crushed but then my object of affection never comes to know (coz of my grim exterior)! They would probably be thinking I hate them or something. Hehe. Anyway, it works for me, coz then I need not make a fool of myself and neither do I need to make the person aware that I like them . This is basically because I am committed and I do not want an affair. Its just a simple, innocent "sighting". :)
@Aylward (199)
• Philippines
21 Aug 09
I've been in love for several times. Yes what you felt is normal and these are just stages of you growing and maturing.
• India
21 Aug 09
I think being in love is the best gift God gave man. He made us fall in love and behave like complete idiots. Have you seen people becoming morons when they fall for someone?
@divkris (1163)
• India
21 Aug 09
oh! i have seen many of my friends do crazy things just to gain attention of their crush. They blush when he/she passes by and the friends make it so obvious by giggling! Think one of my friend found out what her crush likes and bought cloths of his likes and then she used to wear them to office and walk past him many times - LOL
• India
24 Aug 09
Yes I have seen women (married or otherwise) do silly things just to get some attention of a good looking guy. They mostly just walk up and down so that he atleast tries to see who is so restless. LOL. else, they wear all these figure-hugging dresses to show off their not-so-in-shape bodies and imagine he will fall in love with their tires! LOL. Not being nasty here, but yeah, women look dignified when they dress according to their age and body type. Moreover, any hunk might simply hit at you if you carry your age gracefully. :)
@daliaj (5689)
• India
25 Aug 09
I have felt that many times from my teenage days, but not to the high extent as you have described. It is normal to have that feeling and I used to narrate it to my friends with some extra build ups. Even now, I don't mind saying my husband if I see a handsome guy somewhere on road and he will leave a smile or comment. There is a lot of difference between crush and love.
• India
27 Aug 09
Thanks for the response! Yeah, I know its so much more fun if you keep the incident alive in your mind by narrating it to your friends. You can just go on and on about it and the feeling just multiplies. Isn't it?
@eLsMarie (4148)
• Philippines
22 Aug 09
i tink i felt it a thousand times already... what you're feeling right now is just a big admiration to a person... you'll know it's love when you'll discover something negative about him but you still willing to accept him/her.
• India
22 Aug 09
Hmm well my friend who is eight years my junior (she is 24) has fallen for a guy. He is kind of cute but I feel she can get a better guy than him. Well its none of my business I know. But then you know... So she is like totally taken by him and just stops working when he walks by or looks in her direction. She tells me these stories every day and I feel how could some guy have such a reaction on someone. Anyway, it might be, because of the age, I guess. But then, is there an age bar on getting crushed?
@lordz00 (20)
21 Aug 09
yes i had felt it, many times, and i do believe that there are different stages of love, there is infatuation, falling in love and love itself. i have felt infatuation many times in my younger years, just seeing a beautiful girl would make my heartbeat run fast, and that my whole body tingles.LOL. yes i have found out that infatuation and falling in love are just stages in our life, and sometimes the path through love. Infatuation fades over a period of time, and so does falling in love. People think that when they are no longer in love, they no longer love the person. Love is when all the infatuation and the falling in love is gone. It is when all the excitement and all the good feelings are drained away and you still love the person. That is why it is unconditional. But i do agree that infatuation and being in love is one of the best feelings, and i wouldnt mind if i experience it over and over again.
• India
22 Aug 09
Yes, what you have described is very correct. :) When we are completely infatuated the feeling is inexplicable. Body, mind goes numb and the heart does so many merry go rounds. Its a total mess, isnt it? When your crush is nearby, you just cant think straight. Your brain stops working and blood rushes everywhere in a fight-flight kind of response! LOL. My friend describes all these feelings everyday and this amuses me so much that I decided to post it as a discussion. Thanks for the response. :)
• China
21 Aug 09
Also I have that kind of feeling to a guy in high school~ I will sacrifice everything in order to meet him~~ I think i must be crazy at that moment. Do not trust love for the first sight,for you will definitely not look him only one sight~~ You should calm down ,get to know much about that guy to find out weather u 2 r possible..
• India
22 Aug 09
Yep. Moreover when we are in high school the hormones are also on a high! :) And this creates such a turmoil you cannot escape the trauma of being crushed. heehee. Right amanda210909? :)
@anna728 (1499)
• United States
21 Aug 09
Yes I have experienced this... but I think there is a very big difference between a crush and love.
• India
21 Aug 09
Some people feel they are in love when they are simply infatuated. They feel very euphoric when they look at a face and overjoyed when their object of affection turns and looks at them.
• India
21 Aug 09
Yes!! I haaaaaaaaaave felt this !! It crushes you that is why this infatuation is called "crush" I do endorse what you say The feeling is undescribable
• India
21 Aug 09
I know! I have this friend who has a huge cruch on a guy. She looks so lost all the time. I have seen the guy, but I dont feel he is that great looking and all. But yeah, agreed he look cute. Well, to her, he looks like a Greek God. Huh. She is so crushed! I am not sure if the guy even notices her. :) Love...the feeling kills you completely.
@cyberfluf (5005)
• Netherlands
10 Jan 10
I am not completely sure what you mean by 'stages' but I do think a crush is a fase you eventually get over, or you pass into a new stage or fase called love. I guess I don't believe in 'love at first sight' because loving someone is a thing that grows on you and that does not happen over night or at first sight. You can get an enormous crush on someone straight away, but most of the time this is physical and it becomes more serious when you spend more time together and get to know each other.
• Philippines
9 Jan 10
yessssssssssss............ i know this feeling. it's when you have butterflies in your tummy. it when you want to plan everything from the shade of your lipstick to the color of your footwear.. it's funny, isn't it? but this is just one of those crazy, exciting, time of our lives... :)
• Philippines
5 Jan 10
Yes I felt that. It depends on you and the person you love. But mostly that is probably just infatuation. I don't know the number of times that I have fallen in love. Sorry, I'm just not sure about it. Infatuation is a form of attraction and love is not just attraction but also wanting someone to be happy.
@shellyli (55)
• China
22 Aug 09
I never have this feeling , alought we also have a quarrel sometimes , and want to broke up at once, but we are better not in a long time , we also love each other . so many times , we are better than better after quarrel.