Should I ban my daughter from chatting?

@rj4pau (216)
Malaysia
August 29, 2009 7:05pm CST
My daughter will be sitting for her exam in 2 weeks time. I had spent my time with her in doing her revision. But due to the constraint and the availability of internet technology, she does her revision through online especially when I was at the office. But recently while I'm opening my email at the office, I found that her YM id was online when she was supposedly studying. I called her and she admitted she was chatting through YM. I scold her for misuse of computer when she was suppose to study. Am I doing the right thing?
4 responses
@MistyWood (349)
30 Aug 09
I am a high school / college teacher and unfortunately I would say that "chatting" online now seems to be a fact of life... If it were me I would try to engage her in conversation and find out who she was chatting with and what about, you may well find it was a friend and they were talking about the work. I know that when I was a student I used to talk to friends on the phone about my work shen I didn't understand it and the "chatting" online seems to have replaced this. You could see mylot as an online phone replacement too... The modern child needs to be tecnologically savvy and this is what she is doing.... BUT... if the chat was nothing to do with her work, I would try to encourage her to do more work and less chat, tell her that you don't really want to punish her and monitor her online time, but unless she can promise to do the work then you may well have to do that. Try the responsibilty angle, the importance of the exam angle and if all else fails... remove the internet and give her a book~!
@rj4pau (216)
• Malaysia
30 Aug 09
Thanks Mistywood. I agreed with you that the "chatting" is a fact of life and we need to educate the kids to be technologically savvy. But in this case after I confronted her, she admitted that she was not chatting on school work but more on teenage life. I respected her for telling me the truth and her promise of not doing it again. But still, chatting can be really addicted regardless of children or adults. In saying that mylotting is getting addictive, but for a good cause its harmless.
30 Aug 09
I guess you need to use the "carrott and stick" approach... or the "reward" way of working... You do so many hours working on your studies, then you can have some free time chatting... It is important to build breaks into studies, if you don't your child will being to resent the work and do anything to avoid it. We all know studies are a necessary chore - but this is the value of hindsight, as a child all that is seen is removal of what they want to be doing with something that they don't!
@chaime (1153)
• Philippines
30 Aug 09
You should, you know you should, but unfortunately it's easier said than done. Chatting online is like talking on the phone or texting and such it's really hard to stop your daughter, specially if she's 'old enough', if you get my drift. She can stay in the library or a public computer station where she will still be able to log-on and you will not be able to catch her especially with YM's invisible mode or stealth settings. Plus if you are in the office, you cannot actually monitor her. I suggest you talk to your daughter heart-to-heart, let her know that what she did upset you and that you are disappointed that she is not able to discipline herself. Now you know that chatting with friends is an important aspect of her social life and that it is important for her, but she has to learn to discipline herself or else there will be consequences and if this is the first offense, maybe you can just limit her online time and promise of a worse consequence if she disobeys the rules again. And that she should always put her studies first before anything else.
@kerriannc (4282)
• Jamaica
30 Aug 09
I agree with Thread 1 the IM take over from the phone and maybe she is there talking with someone about something she never understand. If it is that she was idling then talk to her about it. But you should also remember that she need rest in between her studies and so you should not be too hard on her. I wish her all the best in her exams.
@mrbranan (1012)
• United States
30 Aug 09
Being a Parent is hard. I believe when children do something they know they shouldn't then they need to be punished. I know as a parent of one adult one teenager and one seven year old that it is easier to be a friend and take it easy on them and let them have their way. As parents we have to draw lines and make them do what they are supposed to even when they get mad.