Man wants to be alone?

@skaterx (530)
Finland
September 5, 2009 8:35am CST
He says he's under stress and wants to work some things out for himself. But he doesn't know whether we will be back together or not, after this undefined time on 'break'. What does this mean, and what should I do? I still like him but I'm not sure what conclusion he will come to. I have asked if he likes other people, or if he doesn't like me anymore, because obviously if i knew the answer it would be easier for me to know what to do, but he says its not that, and that he does like me, but he wants to feel less pressure, because he doesn't want to make me feel bad when we can't do things like go out. I think he is suffering from depression, but I'm just wondering how this will resolve because he crumbles sometimes?
10 responses
@misisbau (317)
• Philippines
5 Sep 09
Girl, he's not that into you. Don't waste your time on someone who cannot commit. Cut your losses and move on.
@khayshenz (1387)
• United States
5 Sep 09
Hahahahaha- I love love love this comment! It's cut and dry, straight to the point. Here's my take - and of course it's easier said than done. You tell him that you're leaving and that you're done with this bull-crap about "I need space" BS. You claim your space and move on. If he wants to get back together - and you're free, then go on ahead and get back together. For now, tell him this whole space thing makes it official that you've broken up!
@skaterx (530)
• Finland
5 Sep 09
well yeah basically we have broke up, it just happened really quickly, and i still want to be friends. but yeah maybe im just going to tell him im going to date other people since this thing wont work out .
@Louc74 (620)
5 Sep 09
Yeah, I agree with this one. Sometimes guys are just a bit cowardly when it comes to biting the bullet and saying "let's call it quits". Thing is, it's good news! It's great! He's saved you loads of time wasted over him! Now you can get out there with your girls and enjoy yourself, and maybe meet somebody who will recognise the amazing, intelligent, gorgeous woman you are! It took me a while to realise it, but I finally got that if I wasn't right for someone, they weren't right for me either, and when a woman starts trying to "fix" a relationship with a guy who's being distant, she'd be as well banging her head against a brick wall. And if you want a friendship, tell him that, then just leave it, if he doesn't get in touch, he isn't worth worrying about. Forget him, hon - your dreamboat's still out there somewhere, and how can you meet him if you're wasting time on someone who doesn't deserve your attention? Good luck, babe. :D
• Philippines
6 Sep 09
if u say it is depression, try to let him know that u are concerned about him and that u understand that he is undergoing such situation now. maybe u can tell him that because u are concerned about him and the situation, offer a suggestion if it would be better to see a doctor. if not a doctor, maybe another professional, a psychologist or a religious person, can help his predicament. at least u have given a try to help him. by that, he would appreciate what u did and by ur show of care, concern and love.
@skaterx (530)
• Finland
6 Sep 09
He already has therapy yeah, but i don't know if its really helping, I don't think they are doing enough to challenge his view on things. he's really rigid on how he thinks about stuff. also this break from me is totally his decision, from his outlook, even including what he thought would be better for me, but i dont think i can really change his outlook, ill give him the space he wants. i dont know if ill come back tho, i think when i think about it from all kinds of perspectives, its really that the majority of it comes down to that someone shouldn't cause u suffering just because they have their own issues. so i also agree on taking a break.
• Philippines
6 Sep 09
at least, u have tried. if he doesn't want to be helped at all, well, maybe it is time to give it a break then. we will see what happens next. good luck!
@seekers (393)
5 Sep 09
Have you asked your man if he has family or other problems. But other than that, reasons maybe 1) the guy cannot tells directly that he fall out of love and cannot tell it directly, space is a common reason for "he want's out of the relationship" 2) he is having doubts on his love for you and for the meantime he wants "space" to think and way things in your relationship. If that's the case, give him space in a period of time. If you think time is enough, talk to him and give your relationship a final say so that if things still doesn;t work after your dialogue, both of you can move on with you own lives.
@seekers (393)
5 Sep 09
*weigh
@skaterx (530)
• Finland
5 Sep 09
Yeah he has problems with depression, and falls under pressure. But he always falls under pressure if its dissapointing me. and then like since he's taking a break from me, makes me feel like some kinda liability. I go from sad, and wanting him, to feeling really angry because no matter if someone is depressed or not, as in my case, I would care about them. I don't know why he is not sure if we will be together anymore, I don't know why im waiting for him to decide, maybe its because I find it hard to let go of people. But I guess theres no point waiting.
@sutent (1060)
• China
6 Sep 09
Hi akaterx, As a man, i can completely understand the thinking of your boyfriend. And i am suffering from that. My girlfriend contacts me at all the time and asks me marry her as soon as possible. But maybe i am not ready for marriage. Marriage plays key importance in my life. I must take serious about it. And i am still suffering from handle it. Hope you can cope with it pertinently and share me with update.
@skaterx (530)
• Finland
6 Sep 09
I mean, I know what you're thinking also. But my bf and i ain't planning to be married, i just want to go out with him more. I kept feeling like he was taking me for granted because we live close by and can see each other, but he doesnt really ask me out anywhere. he says he's depressed and doesn't feel like it, but ofcourse that makes me wonder how much he values me as a part of his life if he wants to cut me out, even for a short time. i mean hope he works out his own life also, i care about him very much.
@hunterh (18)
• Australia
5 Sep 09
I think that you should give that man his distance but be there ready to talk to him if he wants to. Do not pine for him though think of him as a friend only. He sounds like he is dangerous to your emotional stability and has told you he wants a break. We all know what that usually means. If he has depression or issues then you definitely dont need him in your life as a love he will probably hurt you. I know you cant change the way you feel about someone so go out and live life have fun be single and see if he sorts himself out in time.
@skaterx (530)
• Finland
5 Sep 09
Yeah you're right, either way I can't really be with him now, for his own issues. I do think of him as a friend now. I haven't had this feeling of emotional bonding with him for a while now. I feel for him though, obviously I care about him. His reasoning is that he doesn't want to hurt me anymore. I think he has emotional stability issues. Man I seem to get into relationships with ppl with emotional issues, i gotta deliberately seek out people who are more emotionally stable now :s
@mrbranan (1012)
• United States
5 Sep 09
If you really think he is depressed try to help him however rember that no one can help someone that doesn't want it. I have to say I don't think that is it. I think he wants to break up but doesn't know how. I don't think you need to allow others to control your life. Rember you need to control your own life. Good Luck!
@skaterx (530)
• Finland
5 Sep 09
Yeah I try to help, but he doesn't admit to being depressed. I just give him comfort. But then he feels guilty if he thinks my needs are not being met, like if i want to go out with him, and he doesn't feel like doing anything, and then he wants to be alone because I think its both that he doesnt want me to see him cry and also that he just feels more pressure if he knows i feel sad? I don't know, I have asked him many times about breaking up but he's saying stuff like he thinks hes not good for me, and i try to get a straight answer because obviously if someone doesnt like me or feels like it doesnt work then i want to know. and i told him its ok to break up if he doesnt like me. But he says its not that, and that he still likes me, but its hard because he doesnt want to keep me waiting. Would a guy go to lengths to break up in a way that he feels like its not hurting u? because if someone said it to me like this, making things up I would be more hurt.
@marctiu (830)
• Philippines
6 Sep 09
I know that man sometimes feel this way. Me and my girlfriend almost had this break up last 2008. I wanted sometime alone because I was very pressured that time, and I don't know what to do. I was unable to talk to her about some matters. She understood and she left me for one day or two and I ask for her presence again. That time I really have many things to think about my studies, my families, and my friends. I have most of my time with my girlfriend and no time for those other stuff that is why I have ask her to leave me alone for a while. You should try to understand your partner first. If what it is he really wants. You should clarify what went wrong and what changes you can do to prevent this from happening to your relationship. I know it is a hard time for you and I believe the guy will understand what you are going through if he'll break up with you. These are just a piece of advice and nothing more. Good Luck.
@MrZenic (81)
• Singapore
5 Sep 09
I think its over. Have you guys like officially broke up? Give both yourselves some time to think about it. Some guys do not like to tell things the hard way... he's afraid you get emotionally hurt.
@coolcat123 (4390)
• India
5 Sep 09
when a person is in stress he wants to be alone and wonder in his thoughts but there should be someone to calm him and be with him at the time needed. he needs a friend with whom he can share his secrets and make his heart light. depression makes one angry and feel like being alone but there are better ways to move away from it rather than to move away from the world.
@zoey7879 (3104)
• United States
5 Sep 09
It means that there are some unresolved issues in either his life and/or with the relationship... When someone wants/needs space.. Give it. How it will resolve will depend solely on him and whether or not he is given the space to breathe. Some people find it annoying or hurtful, but sometimes when it comes to thought and decision making, having someone around DOES add more pressure onto the situation even tho it's not intended. Good luck.