Being the eldest sister

@jndlponti (2408)
Philippines
September 25, 2009 11:58pm CST
I am the eldest among 4 siblings... since we were young I used to be very protective on our youngest one, which is 4 years younger than I am. Whenever she made a mess I was always their to rescue or cover her. Even our parents would say that I realy did spoil her.. Now that we have grown, I already have a family of my own. My younger sister stays with me after she graduated college. But now that we have grown I realized that she became very dependent, she doesn't know how to cook, laundry or even clean the house, which realy disturbs me. I felt so guilty, I think she became like this because I never let her do things on her own, even small chores..When I tried to ask her to do chores she would complain that she doesn't know...Do you think it's too late now to teach her how to do chores that she is alreay 21 years old?
9 responses
@sender621 (14956)
• United States
26 Sep 09
I am also the eldest sister among four siblings. There are ten years between me and my youngest sibling. She happens to be my only sister and my best friend. When she was growing up, people used to think she was my daughter. Sometimes it was funny and sometimes it wasn't. As for your situation, it can never be too late to learn to do things for yourself. Don't feel guilty about the things you've done for your sister. Just guide her in how to some of these things for herself. She will thank you for it in the end. Good luck to you both!
@jndlponti (2408)
• Philippines
27 Sep 09
thanks a lot your comment really did help me on not feeling too guilty about the situation... :)
@sender621 (14956)
• United States
27 Sep 09
Glad i could help. Happy mylotting!
@mesuaky (397)
• Singapore
26 Sep 09
its never too late my friend, it really not true what she claims that she don't know how to do things. as old as 21 that is such a lame reason that she just use to you so she can get away with her responsiblilities. Then next time she gives you this reason tell her that you will teach her and do it and tell her that next time she will do it since you already teached her how. You need to talk to her and set some rule, and this time you need to be firm cause if you keep on giving into her it will become a hopeless case.
@jndlponti (2408)
• Philippines
26 Sep 09
i gues your right... I think that is what I need to do... be firm with her and I gues by her age she would understand and learn things easily.thanks a lot
@mesuaky (397)
• Singapore
26 Sep 09
i wish you the best on this, keep in mind you can never be there for her forever specially now you have your own family. good luck.
@ronnyb (6120)
• Jamaica
2 Dec 09
Well I am the eldest of three siblings too and I always used to say that my little brother should learn to do things on his own .My smallest sibling my little sister was so competent at her chores ,it was amazing while my older brother was almost a cripple when it came to doing any chores.My motehr at the time thought I idnt liek him but I was just concered ,he eventually turned out well I must say
@jndlponti (2408)
• Philippines
3 Dec 09
That is good. Glad to hear that and I appreciate your little sister much for being so active in doing her chores. Hope she continue to be like that until she grows up.
• United States
18 Nov 09
I also am the eldest of 3. My baby sister was born when I was 14 years old. She grew up to be a spoiled self centered person. For a very long time I blamed myself and my parents for giving her anything she ever asked for, but as time has gone on and she has finally started growing up (she's 25 now), we've realized that it's just her personality to be self centered. I think that anyone can learn at any time as long as they are open to learning. (did that make sense?) She has to realize that you won't be there to hold her hand and take care of her forever, and unless she has a LOT of money to hire a personal servant, she's gonna have to learn to take care of herself.
@jndlponti (2408)
• Philippines
18 Nov 09
That is true. I think we shared the same burden also before. Thank you for sharing with me that experience and hope our sisters will also learn to be independent on their own way.
• Philippines
5 Nov 09
Being the eldest sister, it's very hassle. But so far, I'd cope it. My brother always disturb me with his stupid teasing and stuff. I hate it when he do that but i have no choice. My brother is just a year younger than me and he still acts like a child. well, I do too but not like him. My brother and I doesn't do chores so, I dont know. Haha
@jndlponti (2408)
• Philippines
8 Nov 09
Wow...by now you could say that he irritates you. But as you get older you would remember those things and actually missed those things. Then you could say that you are happy together.
• United States
27 Sep 09
Well I am not the oldest I am actully right in the middle with my twin. There are 8 od us kids the range of numbers of us kids goes 25,24,21,18,18,17,14,and 2. I am one of the 18 year olds. I am very prtective of my younger siblings expecially the youngest one put growing up I realized that she dose have to do some things on her own her she will be like my 17 year old sister. Becouse the older ones always protected her her. That is why I relized that I have to let the youngest sibling do things for herself. Becouse I am going to want her to be a strong independent women and my mom and dad told me that if I did everything for her she ould end up like the 17 year old. But it is never to late to teach someone new things. It is just like teaching one of your kids just they are bigger and will give a little more attatude lol. I hope this helps with your problem.
@jndlponti (2408)
• Philippines
27 Sep 09
Thank you for that comment and thank you for sharing with me your situation..Yes you are right, I think teaching her is no diffirence in teaching the young ones, well the difference is that she got more attitude than the young ones.. :)
@horsesrule (1960)
• United States
27 Sep 09
No, it is not too late. I know we love them but we aren't doing them any favors when we do everything for them. If they can not take care of themselves, then who will take care of them if something should happen to you? In the beginning she may not want to learn but if you are patient and loving, as it sounds like you already are with her, then she will eventually want to learn and love doing for herself. I guess that one day she may want her own family and they will need for her to help take care of them.
@jndlponti (2408)
• Philippines
27 Sep 09
thank you for that complement and yes you are correct that doing everything for her isn't doing them a favor but making them lazy...and I gues any day could be a best day to change this.. I gues I would have to first teach myself to be firm to her and try to control myself of not doing everything for her.
@rahmatz (64)
• Indonesia
26 Sep 09
Be patience, sooner or later she will know her responsibility if she start has a couple or husband someday
@jndlponti (2408)
• Philippines
26 Sep 09
I think so..that's what I've thought...But how could she marry one day when she doesn't date anyone... She so busy with her career as a preschool teacher... Even during her highschool and college years she never dated. She even consider herself as NBSB(no boyfriend since birth)..hehehe she is soooo much a young sister soooooi "imature"
@coolcat123 (4392)
• India
26 Sep 09
I agree that we make our youngsters more dependent onus or rather lazy. I bit different from you in this case as I never help my sister in any work as i want her to do her work on her own.I want her to be independent for any kind of work and want her to active which she is not.She even do not take a galss of wwater when needed. and nothing can work now as she never listens to me ,even being younger than me .