way of Stop Fighting About Parenting...
September 29, 2009 2:36am CST
Step 1 Accept that you will fight. Disagreeing and quarreling are natural occurrences in parenting. Often, parents have differing styles; one is strict while the other is lenient—so the first thing to do is to accept that you will fight and have arguments. Fighting is a way of realizing that there is a problem that needs to be solved. The good news is that with practice the two of you can learn to air your differences so that the entire family wins. Step 2 Realize, first of all, that life might be more enjoyable without fighting. When the fight is over think about how you might have handled it differently. Thank your partner for bringing the concerns to your attention. Step 3 Realize there is nothing wrong with being wrong occasionally. Think about what you can learn from the disagreement and be willing to be wrong some of the time. When you can say, "I was wrong on that one," you take the shame out of it. Step 4 Realize you don’t have to justify yourself or defend yourself. Instead of defending yourself you might say, “I'd like to think that over.” Step 5 Stop trying to be right. Memorize these two statements and use them: “You might be right” or “I could be wrong.” In the middle of a heated argument these sentences can cool the fire down quickly. Talking about hot subjects without taking things so personally will prevent the disagreement from expanding. Step 6 Practice giving your spouse credit for his or her parenting. Say, “I am so proud of how you handled that” or “You did such a good job.” Step 7 Give your partner specific praise. Thank them for all the little things they do. Acknowledge the sacrifices they’re making for the family. Parenting is difficult; there are many challenges. Tell your partner, “I’m glad we’re in this together.” Step 8Try to see your partner’s point of view. Say, “I’d like to understand your point of view.” If you haven’t ever said that, try it; the magic phrase will bring you closer to a solution. Step 9 Watch out for disapproving looks. Your facial expressions matter. Studies show that partners who roll their eyes and click their tongues in disapproval ignite the flames of upset. There's little chance to resolve disagreement positively if one partner is sighing and rolling his or her eyes. Make sure that your nonverbal messages and body language match what you are trying to convey. Step 10 Make complaints and requests positive. We're all sensitive to criticism and put downs. Instead of saying, “Don’t leave the dishes in the sink,” say, “I appreciate it when you put the dishes away.” Instead of saying, “You never help with the kids,” say, “It really means a lot to me when you read a bedtime story to the kids.” Tell your partner often, how much you appreciate what he or she does for the family. what do u say friends ....