Will he understand his brother?

@lvmybz (125)
United States
October 13, 2009 3:43am CST
I have a almost 7 year old son who has autism. He is very sweet and listen to me most of the time. He is making a lot of improvements, but still has a way to go. We also have a 3 1/2 year old typical son. Our 3 year old absolutely loves his brother. He really is almost like the older brother. Such as when we are out in public and people ask how old he is, he will say 3 and when they ask our other son, who is verbal but sometimes has a hard time "coming out of his world" he will say he is 6. He always sticks up for him and almost seems lost if we go somewhere with out his older bro. Our 6 year old at times seems a bit annoyed, especially when is younger brother is pushing him around the house like a stroller. But I think for the most part he is glad to have someone. I think? Then I have to think that he is the younger brother. And it absolutely breaks my heart when he want to tell his older bro something or share something really cool and he just "isn't there." The look in his face is so sad and confused. He was jiped out of a big brother. I am the youngest of 3 and me and my sister who is 18 months older have a great releationship and always have. She was my big sis who I could talk to whenever about whatever. She was there to protect me and she still is. Of course I have always been there for her too. Our younger son doesn't have that and when I see sibling especially two boys and there are so close. like the older brother giving his younger brother a kiss or something, it just simply breaks my heart. It really depresses me.
2 people like this
4 responses
@cyberfluf (5005)
• Netherlands
5 May 10
It pretty much depends on what type of autism we are talking about and the intelligence of your son with autism. There is a form of autism called Asperger. Asperger is a highly functioning form of autis which means these people have a normal to very high intelligence. The things they 'lack' in social behaviour can be compromised with intelligence, for example, they can learn how to be social through special programms and such. Most people with Asperger won't be able to 'feel' how to socially react in a certain situation, but they can learn. My oldest neice has Asperger and she loves to be around people. We grew up together and to me she is like a big sister (4 years older). I have allways looked up to her and even though she has trouble with social interaction her creativity and the fact she never gives up have allways inspired me. Once your son gets older you and your family will grow and learn how 'his world' works and the boundaries between those two worlds will become more vague. Like an early response also stated, it might also happen that your younger son takes on the role of eldest son.
@Ritchelle (3797)
• Philippines
13 Apr 10
everything happens for a reason and i hurt for you. however, who knows the real realm of an autistic's mind? we all know that they know how to appreciate people so...i think you just inject in your younger son's mind whenever you talk to him and he shows stuff to his older brother that his old bro likes it also but he (the younger brother) is still too young to know or see a glimpse of it. the important thing is your younger child never cease to share delightful things with his older brother. the human heart is a wonderful organ that it can will somebody else's brain to follow...
@sacmom (14336)
• United States
14 Oct 09
I know how you feel lvmybz. And I'm not just saying that either. My oldest son, who is 12, is autistic as well. His little brother is 9 years old and pretty much typical. It breaks my heart that they can't talk to each other or share any bonding moments with each other like other brothers do. However, not only do I feel that my youngest was gypped out of having an older brother, but his older brother was gypped out of having a "normal" life. Sorry, I don't like using that word but at the same time I think that it applies here. It's hard and yes, depressing as hell. But I try not to think about it much. I know that the autism won't go away with doing this, but it would really get to me if I thought about it all the time. One thing I do is think of other things and keep my mind busy. It really helps me get through it all. Happy mylotting!
@mommaj (22773)
• United States
13 Oct 09
I cried as I read your explanation. Don't worry the younger brother may take over the role of the older brother and even though it will be backwards to you, they will still have the closeness. The older one may never come out of his shell, but the younger one probably understands more than you think. When the younger one doesn't understand why the older cannot understand him, you really should explain it to him. He's three and he already knows his brother is different. You need to TELL him his brother is different and that's okay. I have it reversed where my older one is fine and the younger one has autism. She wondered why he didn't act like other kids, but I told her and she plays with him. They may not have a typical sibling relationship if you are on the outside looking in, but in a lot of ways it is better. Trust me, they still have their sibling rivalry. The autistic one will take a toy from her and she will scold him and take it back. She will take his toy and he will scream and grab it back. Trust me, their relationship will be special and loving, and at times typical(normal).