How do I re-find myself?
By Dawn C
@indiandevil (2478)
Canada
November 4, 2009 12:29am CST
Okay here's the new delema I am having. I have talked with my on again off again guy, many times over the last few weeks. The major problems with us were no boundries,(Boundries being like, he didn't wanna talk at all when first got home from work...Not knowing this I would talk to him right away) lack of cummunication,(Him not telling me nething I feeling ignored, panic get angry and we fight) and myself not being well my self.
Some how someway, I got it in my head, because my guy was so quiet with me, and seemed uninterested in me that I needed to change who I was to make him like me which backfired. My guy told me he liked who I was at first, not this change I made trying to impress him.
The problem I am facing now is how do I be myself when I have pretended so long to be my cousins shadow, I do not remember who I am?
Any ideas of how to remember who I was?
1 response
@mensab (4200)
• Philippines
4 Nov 09
as they say, we do change whether we like it or not. we change for various reasons or for no reasons at all. for reasons that we can create, we put people to be the main cause of change. either we get inspired and motivated by their presence in our lives or we get discouraged that we halt our efforts and stop being ourselves. we let go of the things that we hold dear. we let things get over us. we trust that things will be better or things will get passed us. i hope you can be able to find meaning again in your search for yourself. wish you the best.
@indiandevil (2478)
• Canada
4 Nov 09
Thank you, I searched through sent messages to this guy, 2 yrs worse, I see the change even in the email headings. He is completely right though I do not think he is the cause of this change, not directly, It is not his fault.
Mainly the fault is mine, I noticed in earlier emails I had no problem talking to him about things I enjoyed even though he didn't. Though as time went on things I did offline became extinct, and I realized its beacuse over time it all became about him =/.
I stopped doing things I enjoyed to spend time with him, never saying no when he asked, and waiting around for him, when he wanted space =/.
He even still is used to it even though as of now we are broke up. Monday night, he wanted to play monopoly on line...he messaged me said care for some monopoly. before I answered he said great meet you there. =/. Tonight, all he said is get game fired up...and I did.
I really think that for one I need to start doing things I enjoy again, I need to start telling him NO, again.
Though there was one other element in this, I noticed in the emails as soon as my character seemed to flip, as soon as I did not sound like the same person in which I was months before that, this guy from the games emails to him and name popped up in many conversations, with other friends. say hes "peter" and my guy is "paul" the emails were like "well Peter thinks Pauls giving me the run around, strange pauls always ignoring me" etc.
I still talk to "peter" "peters" always downing "paul" could "Peter" be part of the problem, is he one of these people I could do with out in my life? I'm thinking "peter" is negative, causing problems for me and "paul" and should be cut from my life.
