There is lot of formalities in our community for marriage

@yugasini (12816)
Anantapur, India
November 11, 2009 6:08pm CST
hi mylot friends, for the last one month iam not active in mylot due to that i have two sons,i wish to find out suitable girl for my first son,there are lot of formalities in our community,this will give us lot of trouble in selecting the girl,regularly i am sending our willingness that the girl is suitable for my boy,but the reply rating is only 1 percent,why these type of formalities in our community only ,we see the colour,ages,height,job,status,family back ground every thing?
5 people like this
9 responses
@tigeraunt (6331)
• Philippines
12 Nov 09
dear yugasini, i know it is tradition. but i really am wondering why men in your country prefer to have a wife chosen not by them in the first place. isnt it that they will be the one to live together with this girl? shouldn't you allow your son to date girls and find out if she is suitable for him? dont you trust his judgment? it is not my purpose to argue. i know it is important to have a new member in the family that is accepted by everyone there. family background checking is also very good. but he can do it himself, cant he? ann
@yugasini (12816)
• Anantapur, India
14 Nov 09
hi ann, thanks for the response,sorry for late reply,becuase system is not cooperating with me for all these days,here in India most hindu families the parents are selecting the girls and visit the girls house with their son,there they will see the girl in regular castumes,if both girl and boy agrees then go further for marriage,before that they allow some time to chat boy with the girl after that there are lot of formalities about dowry,marriage hall,other formalites,have a nice day
1 person likes this
@tigeraunt (6331)
• Philippines
15 Nov 09
hi, how about if the boy choose first whom he likes and tell the girl. and if they like each other, they can tell their parents for their approval. do you think that is odd in india? i understand the practice of parents arranging the marriage is one way of showing how children respect their parents, one very noble value. we are both asians and for us, our parents' ideas are also very valuable to us.
• Niger
12 Nov 09
Yes! There are alots of formalities, must especially in the communities in african's country. For example, before a man will be accepted for asking the parents of his wife to be for their daughter, he must firstof all have or shows a kind of respects to the girl's father by lying down flat on the flow regardless of what he's putting on. By so doing, they will regard him as an humble somebody and that apart he should also be someone that brings things to the girl's mother if not, she will say: this man won't know how to take care of her daughter and he will be disqualified by the mother and so she will do her possible best to make sure that her daughter doesn't get married to that man.
@yugasini (12816)
• Anantapur, India
14 Nov 09
hi u2club25, thanks for the response,our is cultured society formalities are common not that African formalities,there lot such of formalities in India also but for only in some community people only that is tribal s families,but african formalities are some what funny to know ,that is their tradition,have a nice day
• India
12 Nov 09
Im sure Yugasini is from India. To clear doubts, dating as a concept has become common in India only in the past few years or the past decade. Till then India has always followed the concept of an Arranged marriage (whereby the parents select the bride/groom). Yea u guessed it right, it means u start to love and find out compatibility only after your married. I personally like the idea of knowing the person before marriage but its countered by saying, "but u can get to know her the month before ur wedding or after you engagement" lol. Thats not even the hard part. the Hard part is when they meticulously scan through your birth date and the position of the starts and how it is in comparison to ur fiance's star allignment or whatever. Only when it matches do they arrange the marriage. And like Yugasini said u have preferences like hair,color, height, occupation blah blha. It just seems to me like a lil kid telling his parents what presents he wants for christmas. Having said that, i must admit it aint easy convincing my mom to see things my way. lol. She still believes in arranged marriages. I just say, NOT GONNA HAPPEN.:P
@yugasini (12816)
• Anantapur, India
14 Nov 09
hi ratsparxx, thanks for the response,you have known some thing about India,when we are looking for boy or girl for marriages most of the people will follow according to the horscope also their birth star,sign and gunas also this is our tradition,but some will not follow horscope,but there are lot of formalities in most of the Indian community,some some people are thinking it is funny,but it is our tradtion,have a nice day
• Italy
12 Nov 09
There's a lot of formalities because you are trying to put together two people who will spend together all their lives, you're no buying a cow to put in the same paddock with your bull. Right?? We are talking about PEOPLE.
@yugasini (12816)
• Anantapur, India
14 Nov 09
hi paleorainy, thanks for the response,we are living in a society,so we have to follow accordingly,we cannot cross the rule and regulations,you too also cannot cross/exceed your society regulations,that is common,we have to bare the situation like that and follow accordingly,what to do,have a nice day
@smedtra (77)
• Turkey
12 Nov 09
These kind of traditions are related the society you live. Education, economic status, religion and family structure plays a great factor aswell. It is also related with family bonds, in societies that care about blood relation this is understandable. I'd like to inform people about the procedure and reasons a bit to make them understand your situation better. I feel our traditions are 'similar to a certain degree'. In Turkey assigned marriage was very common like 2-3 generations ago. It is still common at villages and small states. In patriarchal, small and closed societies women has fewer rights than men. Consider a village, everyone knows eachother, in such a socity; generally flirting is not considered well. So parents only allow their daughter to be seen together with a man, if they're engaged. This rules out the date'ing process. So basic steps follows: - A boy likes a girl. Or a girl adviced to him by his parents. - Family of boy informs the girls familiy about their wish. If they agree girls family invites them over. - They go to the girls house, and ask for their permission. Two young people often engage that day, also wedding time is set. - Upon engagement they meet a few times before marriage, and talk eachother. - They marry, and usually move in to the boy's fathers house. In such a small and closed society, this procedure is kind of normal since marriage is not only between two people, but rather between two families. Also considering new married couple usually lives with grooms family, grooms elders naturally a part of the process. Even now, in big cities and among well educated people part of this tradition applies. - Boy meets the girl, they flirt. Spend some time together (like a few years) and they decide to marry. - Boy meets girls familiy, girl meets boys familiy. Families meet each other. - Boy's family visits girls family and asks for permission to marry. (Thats usually a procedure in this case but its still neccessery) - Young couple declares the time they want to get married. - After marriage they settle to their own flat. But regular visits between families are common. In conclusion, relax yugasini it is not common only on your community. And be sure to ask for your sons opinion, i know you want best for him and best for your familiy; but if he doesnt want to marry, forcing him wont do any good.
@yugasini (12816)
• Anantapur, India
14 Nov 09
hi smedtra, thanks for the response,in our community also,first the parents know the details of boy/girl after verifying the details and if they satisfied with the formalities then they will invite girl/boys parents for their home or some other place for seeing the girl or boy,only boys will go with the parents to see the girls ,girls will not come to see the boys with the parents,but now both boy and girl will meet at cafe or some other place ,this happens only some times,but all according to our tradition only,have a nice day
@haiershen (1084)
• China
12 Nov 09
i wonder to know why the wife of you first son need you to find out, and spend more time on that.it is differed culture that i never head before. in our country, when their children is reach to marriageable,their partents would be worry when they would be take care of the grandchildren, but none of mothers would be help them to be find out suitable girl or boy, as it is none of their business.it is their children's life.good luck and have a nice day!
@yugasini (12816)
• Anantapur, India
14 Nov 09
hi haiershen, thanks for the response,here in India most of the marriages are arranged marriages,most of the marriages also successful,but some times they fail,most all our marriage system run according to our culture,but we cannot find this type of system in western countries,that is their culture,have a nice day
@getbrowser (1715)
• China
12 Nov 09
There are different rules in different countries about formalities for marriage. Here, in my country, here are lots of formalities in our community for marriage too. Of course, I don't think it is a trouble for people who want to get married. If one really loves their partners, I think they will just regard the complex formalities as a necessity of a great marriage. At the same time, these formalities may be useful to help you make a detailed plan for your wedding. You see, when people have gotten married, they will still meet many difficulities in the long relationship, all which need our patience to face them. Have a nice day! Happy myLotting!
@yugasini (12816)
• Anantapur, India
14 Nov 09
hi getbrowser, thanks for the response,facing difficulties is common to human beings,that is routine,the entire life is ups and downs,marriages also made in heaven that is proverb ,so nothing in our hand all will come accordingly have a nice day
@PeacefulWmn9 (10424)
• United States
12 Nov 09
Hello Yugasini. Things are very different in America, but even we like to know the background and know we are compatible with whomever we marry. The difference is that the choice is ours, not our parents. What happens in India if one is widowed, for instance, and your parents have passed on? Who then decides? Do you then pick your own spouse? Or do other family members do that? How old is the son for whom you are seeking a wife? It is interesting to learn about other cultures. Karen
@yugasini (12816)
• Anantapur, India
14 Nov 09
hi karen madam, thanks for the response,sorry for the delay,here is India,the girl or boy are shy to select the others by themselves,so parents will come forward to select the boy or girl,then boy will vivit the girl home with the parents for looking girl in formal dress,if parents die,the other family members help the boy or girl for marriage,for widow also the same formality will continue,have a nice day
• Niger
12 Nov 09
Yes! There are alots of formalities, must especially in the communities in african's country. For example, before a man will be accepted for asking the parents of his wife to be for their daughter, he must firstof all have or shows a kind of respects to the girl's father by lying down flat on the flow regardless of what his putting on. By so doing, the will regard him as an humble somebody and that apart he should also be someone that brings things to girl's mother if not, she will say: this man won't know how to take case of her daughter and he's will be disqualified by the mother so will do her possible best to make sure that her doesn't get married to that man.