If they force you, would you go?

@ayebelle (368)
Philippines
November 21, 2009 6:06pm CST
Just last night when my friend invited me to go in the bar, and have some drink their and talks. But i was so tired at school yesterday and i don't like to drink anymore because i know it's bad for the health. I'm now in progression too in stopping smoking so i refused to go with them. But they force me like they said stupid things like i become different blah blah blah. so What did i do is right yeah? But i don't want to lose them because they are my friends.
2 people like this
19 responses
@chookie1971 (2277)
• Australia
22 Nov 09
True friends would accept your decission of not going. It doesn't me that you don't want to be friends with any more by not going. Of course you do want to remain friends with them. The way I would see it is, they are being selfish and want you to go regardless of how you feel. They are trying to make you feel bad if you don't go. I know this also sounds selfish too, but really, at the end of the day, what is more important. Going out with them, or your health? You decide for yourself. I have been place in a situation which is difficult for my family. There is a 21st coming up. It is held on a friday night. The problem is, this soon 21 year old lives a few hours drive away. My husband works. So he has to either ask for the day off or leave work early so that we can make it on time. If he can't, we would be arriving late. I was going to organise to see this 21 y.o. on the next day but the mother of the 21 y.o. said that if you don't come, her son will be disappointed. I did tell her the situation, and she did say that it was ok to arrive late. I am not happy about the late arrival because I have 2 kids of my own to think about. It is not fair on my kids. But she doesn't think of it that way. Also I do want my husband and my children to go, because my husband is the father of this 21 y.o. and the 21 y.o. is my chldren's half brother. In the end, we are going, but not because we have to, it is because we want to and we are not forced. I am not happy about arriving late if my husband can not get the day off or leave early. I just hope he can at least leave early.
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (90189)
• Marion, Kansas
22 Nov 09
It is a one time only happening, this 21st birthday. I applaud you for being able to be generous about it. Yes, your kids and your husband, and you will be tired the next day. You are also right that ayebelle's friends are being selfish and not wanting the best for her.
@cream97 (29175)
• United States
22 Nov 09
Hi ayebelle. You should never let anyone intimidate you in any way. These people are not your friends. Friends don't force you to do something that you are against or is uncomfortable with. Always remember that. Don't drink just to make someone happy with you. Do what you feel is right for you!
@ayebelle (368)
• Philippines
22 Nov 09
Thank you for that.
1 person likes this
@cream97 (29175)
• United States
22 Nov 09
You are very welcome. Take care of yourself. And always remember to do the right thing!
@monty001 (44)
• Australia
22 Nov 09
I think you did the right thing for sure. You shouldn't have to do anything you don't want to do. If they truly are your friends they should respect your decision not to go out and not try to make you feel bad about it. Good work on quiting smoking you won't regret that decision.
@jewels49 (1784)
• United States
22 Nov 09
I must have read that wrong, I thought you said they forced you go. Good for you, if you hung tough..
@ayebelle (368)
• Philippines
22 Nov 09
I know that i did the right thing too. Yes i quitting smoking is really hard. Goodluck to me.
• United Kingdom
22 Nov 09
You should follow your heart! If you feel pressurised by them I just ask you the question, are they really your friends? If they were good friends then they would accept your decisions and would not force you into doing anything. It's good that you have chosen to stop smoking as well as drinking. I don't drink or smoke either and I feel so much healthier as a result. You shouldn't feel pressurised by anyone and no one can force you to do anything you don't want to do either. Good luck with your situation. Andrew
@ayebelle (368)
• Philippines
29 Nov 09
thank you for your response. Yes all of what you said is right. I should follow my heart and girls know what's best for her. So thank you again Andrew. Happy my lotting.
@badbasty (77)
• Philippines
22 Nov 09
for me. are they really a real friends cause real friends will not force you what you want to do. they are alway there to support and scold you when you make mistake.
@ayebelle (368)
• Philippines
22 Nov 09
For me they are real friends, it's just that we haven't time to see each other for a long time thats why. They became disappointed to me. But i promise them that ill make time for them.
• United States
22 Nov 09
NO! If they were true friends, they would respect your wishes. You deserve to make your own decisions throughout your life, and it is also your responsibility. You want to grow up with a sense of well being, and satisfaction.
@ayebelle (368)
• Philippines
22 Nov 09
Yes your definitely right.
@jewels49 (1784)
• United States
22 Nov 09
Just my opinion, but real friends would respect the way you feel. Quitting smoking is hard enough and if you are just starting to quit, a bar is hard place to avoid other smokers, and generally speaking when we drnk, we smoke more. They didn't actually take you by force, you caved to guilt and peer pressure. We have all done it at some point I guess, you just have to ask yourself..do you want to keep doing it?
@ayebelle (368)
• Philippines
22 Nov 09
Your right that they must respect my decision, but after i explain to them that i need rest. They are okay with that. I'll just make time for them the next time. Thank you for your opinion. Yeah that's one thing i refused the invitation, i might smoke again and i can't help it because i smoke when my friends are around or someone that can jam with. But i want to control myself not doing that.
• United States
23 Nov 09
If they're your friends, they should understand that you're trying to live a more healthy life and will support you in your decision. If you have to be a carbon copy of your friends to be part of their group, maybe you should seek friends that are more as you are now.
• United States
22 Nov 09
I feel like if you don't want to do something you shouldn't have to if they were your friends and they cared enough about you I feel they should totally understand so don't think you are being forced no one should feel that way that is a terrible feeling to have.And congrats on not drinking and good luck with quitting smoking I smoke and it is cery hard for me to quit and I hope one day to stop!!Just try to talk to your friends and let them know how you feel and if they understand you and are not mad they are your real friends!!;]
@sizzle3000 (3040)
• United States
22 Nov 09
One if they force you they're not really your friends. Friends accept you for who you are and respect your descions. I'm sorry if they are doing this to you but this is wrong on many levels.
• United States
22 Nov 09
If they're your friends they wouldn't force you to go out if you don't want to, and they especially won't take you to a place that might encourage you to drink or make quitting smoking more difficult. Plus it seems like you're on the right track by wanting to stop smoking, so just focus on that stuff.
@peedielyn (1211)
• United States
22 Nov 09
Hello ayebelle! Congrats on your progress with quitting smoking! I am trying [again] too! As far as peer pressure, I feel you on this one. You do not have to do anything you do not want to do. If it were me and they forced me to go, I would grab a soda and chat for a bit, but leave at a decent time. Or tell them you would like to do it at another time. You have studies and you are tired. If they are really your friends they will understand. You are your own person and no one will respect you or your decisions unless you do. See if you can meet them for dinner one night or something to that affect, and try to agree on the place,--so you are not tempted to drink or smoke. One fun night out doesn't exactly kill you, but you are looking after your health. You can still have your friends and hang out with them. I wish you good luck.
• India
22 Nov 09
Hi ayebelle, i rarely drinked sometimes in my life. that too for enjoyment. i can stop that habit anytime whenever i wish. i am in that situation only. but if any of my frinds compell me to drink. in that case, i will quit their friendship.
@Craicha (801)
22 Nov 09
thats the reason i put limitations to friends like this time taking up my new course, all in the class including the teacher, since i took the night class so lots of times that the whole class with the teacher will go out for a drinks and karaoke which is nah my kinda fun bcoz i don't drink and i don't do sing along in the karaoke..so among in the class i'm the only one don't go with there hangout always a big NO to me eventhough the teacher will say go with us...they can't force for bcoz like i said i put limitation to friends like were just friends inside the room and school campus but outside the gate we go separate ways....
@eubilisa (212)
• Philippines
22 Nov 09
If they really treated you as a friend then they would respect you and understand you the way you wanna be understood. As a person we are not perfect and there are times that we feel uncomfortable or we had mood swings so if ever they've noticed that they should respect you and won't force you to go with them since you have your own decision as a person. You'll not loose them if they really understand you so if ever they didn't comply with you it only means that your not worth to them but one things for sure it's not your lost it's their lost.
@ebuscat (5949)
• Philippines
22 Nov 09
For me it's not good because you said not to go then after all you go if they say to you again they mite say you need something more force to do.
• China
22 Nov 09
my friends always force me to do things with them.sometimes it's bad for me,but how can I refuse them.I love them and happy with them.yeah,they are our friends beloved.So,I will do as I usually do when my friendds force me next time.
• China
22 Nov 09
First you have to make out the true meaning of friends. True friends will always stand by your side and support you. They are the ones who share with you your happiness as well as your sorrows. When you are happy, they share that joyful feeling together with you; when you are down, they stay by your side to comfort and soothe you; when you don't feel like doing something they want you to do, they'll never force you. On the contrary, they'll give you their full understanding and give you leave to deal with your own business instead of complaing about your unwillingness. If your friends feel angry with you just because you don't want to have fun with them, then they can't be regarded as your true friends. Don't take me wrong. I'm not attempting to provoke you into disliking your friends, I'm just telling you that you should figure out whether they're worthy of your friendship. Good luck!
@GardenGerty (90189)
• Marion, Kansas
22 Nov 09
I think that I would find some new friends. Real friends want the best for you, and want you to be happy. I wish you well on choosing a healthy lifestyle.