I Have To Be Strong. I WILL Be Strong!

@CatsandDogs (13964)
United States
November 21, 2009 10:27pm CST
Whew! I'm having an anxiety attack and it's no fun. You see, my mom's birthday was yesterday and my middle brother, yesss the one I'm not on good speaking terms with, had set up a get together with us three kids and our parents TOMORROW at a German Restaurant that is 3 hours away from us and 2.5 hours from my parents to take mom out for her birthday. (I hope I explained that correctly and understandable) You see, mom and dad went to the family reunion last weekend on mom's side of the family and on the way there, they saw this German restaurant and mom commented on it and how she'd love to go to it some day or one closer to home but didn't know where one was. She told my middle brother about it and he took the reins and made reservations for tomorrow afternoon around 4 so hubby and I are going to pick them up and take them there. It'll be mom, dad, my two brothers and their wives, hubby and I. Frankly, I'm not looking forward to this at all because I don't want to see my brother.... at least not right now. He's a bit uppity and self righteous so I just don't want to be around him. He hasn't apologized for being an azz to me last year and so I don't want to see him till I get that apology. He's hurt me too damned many times over the years and I've kept silent but not this last time because I've had enough. We had awful words with each other, well, HE was really mean and hateful towards me which was completely uncalled for and for that reason, I just don't want to see him or be near him BUT being that it's for mom and she wants German food, I guess I can survive a couple of hours being in the same ROOM with my brother and his smart mouthed wife. I'll make it, I know I will but damn it all, if he says one damned thing to me in a smart azz way, all war will break out for I'm NOT taking his crap! I'm just not going to take it and it's as simple as that. Have you ever felt cornered like I'm feeling now? What did you do? How is one suppose to handle it? ARG!!
5 people like this
11 responses
@Polly1 (12649)
• United States
22 Nov 09
Count to 10...1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 if you get to 5 or 6 and you can't keep it together, just shoot him, that will work. Are you smiling, yep, it worked. You can do it, just don't sit by him, sit by your mom. Mom on one side and hubby on the other. If your brother acts up, you can trip him, or you can excuse yourself to go to the ladies room, go outside and let the air out of his tires. Smile it makes people wonder what you have been up too. I imagine your stomach is all tied up in knots, your gonna be fine, I promise. Anyway think about the things that I said for you to do, that will brighten you up. I can think of other stuff too, let me know if you need anymore ideas.
2 people like this
• Canada
22 Nov 09
Good grief by time she reads your response than mine, she'll get there and as soon as she sees her brother she'll remember us and start laughing, that'll rattle his upity cage hehehehe.
3 people like this
@Polly1 (12649)
• United States
22 Nov 09
Yeh it will, and if that don't work, she can send us to take care of her light work.
2 people like this
@CatsandDogs (13964)
• United States
22 Nov 09
Leave it to you two Polly and Grandmaof2! With your advice, I can probably go through ANY thing! LMBO!! What a riot you two can be!! I just might do just that, laugh as soon as I see him!! Oh my, I'll be asked why am I laughing and I'll have to come up with a GOOD explaination.... (scratching my head) Not just NO but HELL NO!!!!! I will not sit near him!! I don't even want him across from me! And yes, my stomach is in all kinds of knots. I couldn't eat dinner tonight because of my stomach being in such a turmoil. I might eat a granola bar in a moment but I can't guarantee you that it'll stay down.
@Grandmaof2 (7603)
• Canada
22 Nov 09
Oh YES I have been in this same family situation, and all I did was put on my big girl panties and sucked it up. I am to this day the better person but I'm not going to tell you it was easy.
2 people like this
@Polly1 (12649)
• United States
22 Nov 09
My way is more fun, just shoot him, if that doesn't work..let his air out of his tires, hehe.
1 person likes this
@CatsandDogs (13964)
• United States
22 Nov 09
I just bought some big girl panties last night and will be wearing one tomorrow so I'm thinking, by the time we get there, I'll probably have them so far pulled up and over my mouth by then! Hmmmm, maybe I should've gotten a couple of sizes bigger? LOL I don't do wedges.
1 person likes this
@amybrezik (2123)
• United States
22 Nov 09
I haven't had a similar situation and I am sorry your brother was a jerk to you. I believe family is what you make. If you don't want to be around your brother don't, and don't put up with his crap. However, you still consider your mom family then I believe you are doing the right thing. Go to her birthday celebration and be there for her. Pay attention to her. Nothing says you have to bond or even speak to your brother. Good luck with it all. Just remember you are there for your mom and try to keep that at heart, because it will be difficult.
1 person likes this
@CatsandDogs (13964)
• United States
22 Nov 09
Thanks amybrezik. I do consider mom as family but we've had our share of "those moments" too and it's not been easy. She knows how I tick and she's used every means to make me feel like an inch high. She could very well be bipolar but I'm not sure because one day she can be as sweet as pie and that'll go on for month and even years and then all of the sudden, she'll turn on a dime and I'm the worst thing she ever saw! I love her to no end but I don't trust her with my feelings because she's hurt me way too many times too. She made me who I am today with her teachings and knows that she can make me feel so guilty or like it was the worst thing I've ever done no matter what it was I did! I did grow up to be a good person but damn this guilt crap, I'm too easily to be made to feel guilty or sensitive and I hate it. But being that this is her birthday and she wants German food, and my brother making the reservations..... I guess I can deal with it. I just won't acknowledge his presence UNLESS he apologizes for his mean and hateful emails that he sent me about his dirty piggy son whom hubby and I were trying to help. His darling son was living in my parents old house, the one they're trying to sell, and he trashed it! Hubby and I wanted to help him clean it up and paint the place so we could get it sold but the jackass ran to his daddy and made us out to be the villain! That's when my brother jumped all over me and was really mean and hateful. It hurt big time because he was helping his son pay the rent and by hubby and I wanting to help not hinder, we got slapped in our faces! Well, after not paying rent for two months my parents kicked him out and THEN hubby and I drove 4.5 hours up there and spent 5 days cleaning and painting the house. Did we get any help? Yeah, we did, with one of my best friends for one day! But not once did my nephew or my brother show up to help. Not once did either of them call. Go figure.
@amybrezik (2123)
• United States
22 Nov 09
I think everyone has times like that with their parents. As children, all we want is for our parents to aprove. This has been a hard thing for me to ove come. I have an extremely difficult time standig up to my mother. She and have not spoken for about 6 months at least twice, because she has the ability to do the same thingto me. Make me feel that I am not good enough and that never will be. As far as your brother, you and your husband know what really happened, and so does your brother. If he can't be grateful for your help, that's on him. You did the right thing and you know it. don't worry about what he thinks as difficult as that can be
1 person likes this
@paula27661 (15899)
• Australia
23 Nov 09
I hate it when there are thing like that coming up and you really rather not to go but you feel obliged to. My sister and I are not impressed with our mother at the moment but we have to be civil because my aunt and uncle are here visiting us from Venezuela and for their sake we are trying our best to entertain them and not argue with ‘The Dysfunctionables ” (my parents) This Sunday Mum and Dad have asked us on a family picnic, only because they want a lift mind you, and to be honest I would rather stick pins in my eyes than sit there and watch my mother act all fake and snobby. Grrrrr! She really annoys me, but like you I have to be strong. I guess you probably had your dinner by now, I hope it went well. Wish me luck...
1 person likes this
@CatsandDogs (13964)
• United States
23 Nov 09
Oh gosh Paula, you too? Man I feel so sorry for anybody who has to go through this kind of "hell" for I've been there so many times myself. My grandmother was like that and now my mom is like that. That's why I can't trust her fully like I'd like to even though she's really nice to me right now, I know she can turn on a dime. I'll still help her all I can and then some but I can't trust her like I'd like to. The dinner get together went really really well. Mom said it was the best day of her life because she had all her kids together and dad too at once which is a rare occasion these days. I started a discussion telling all about it so do check it out! I will pray for you and your sanity on your day. Try to remember that it's only for a day, only for a day. You can survive a day of "hell" and hope for the best to come out instead. I will pray for you and hopes it does turn out for the best! Bless your heart!!
1 person likes this
@paula27661 (15899)
• Australia
24 Nov 09
Thanks Cats, I think I'll need all the prayers I can get so that I don't lunge at my mother and attempt to strangle her! (LOL)
@ANTIQUELADY (36489)
• United States
22 Nov 09
Cat, i hope everything goes well at the dinner for your mom. I would just ignore his azz , i'm real good at that if need be. As i use to tell my kids don't start a fight but don't walk away from one if u are in the right. I know u don't want to be in his company, i wouldn't either but know u will do it for your mom. Don't take any of his b/s. let me know how it goes. Good luvk.
1 person likes this
@CatsandDogs (13964)
• United States
23 Nov 09
Hi Jo! It went REALLY well!! Surprisingly well!! I'm very happy that it went as good as it did. At first it was touch and go type of thing but as time went on, it got better and better. I started a new discussion about it so check it out!
1 person likes this
@ANTIQUELADY (36489)
• United States
23 Nov 09
I already have checked it out, HIP, HIP HOORAY.
@Thoroughrob (11750)
• United States
22 Nov 09
Yes, I have. Swallow your pride for the day. It is for your mom and you don't want to spoil it. If he says something either ignore it, or just tell him this is not the time or place. You really want her to enjoy this.
1 person likes this
@CatsandDogs (13964)
• United States
23 Nov 09
It went really really well!! I just talked to mom over the phone and she said it was the best day of her life! lol She really enjoyed herself and that's what matters! lol I started a new discussion telling all about it so please do check it out....
• United States
22 Nov 09
Hi Cats, Hope the dinner went ok. Ive never had that with my family, but my ex inlaws were horrible to me. So I know the anxiety thing. It must be hard to be on the outs with your own brother. I am not close to mine either. I hardly see them and they live 5 minutes from me! I wanted to ask you, what should I do about my lawyer? I still haven't heard from him and I have looked online for another one, but don't know how to go about choosing one. Evidently I don't choose to well. I signed papers he sent to me allowing him to represent me. How do I get out of that? And, I remember I called one lawyer near me and he said I didn't have a chance. He wasn't very nice. So I won't go with him. There are only three in my area. What about Free legal help? I called them to, and they told me to call back when I go in front of the judge. That didn't make me feel well either. So I really don't know what to do. Let me know how the dinner went! What does german food taste like? I heard it has no taste. Take care
1 person likes this
@CatsandDogs (13964)
• United States
23 Nov 09
Hi lagirl! Dinner went really well! I started a discussion on it telling all about it, please check it out! Now who told you such a thing about German food?! That is far far from the truth! I had Sauerbraten which is beef with a specially made sauce with raisins in it. It was yummy yummy!! lol My mom had Wiener Schnitzel which is scallops of veal hand breaded sauteed and served in burgundy sauce. She gave me a taste of it and I really loved it too!! lol My husband had Jagar Schnitzel which is Veal medallions covered with mushrooms, bacon and cream. I had a taste of it too and it was really good! About your lawyer, send him an email and explain how you feel. Tell him that you've called several times and are being ignored time and time again and that you feel he's not handling your case properly because he's not keeping you informed with the status of your case so therefor you're firing him and will be in search for a new lawyer. I bet you he calls you right away! What ever you do, don't back down because he wants to keep your case and as time goes by, the more money he gets. The cap here in North Carolina is $5,000. that a lawyer can get. I don't know about California for each state is different. But you need to find another lawyer and this time someone close to where you live so you can get to them more easily than this dirt bag. Don't go with that jackass of a lawyer that told you you didn't stand a chance. How the hell does he know that?! He hasn't seen your case file! Screw him, find someone else. Now I have a suggestion, why don't you start a discussion asking if anybody knows of a good lawyer in your area and the town you live in as well as the next BIG city. Someone has to know someone that will be good for your case. Give it a try, what do you have to lose, right? Other than that, how are you doing? Do you need anything? Be honest please.
@leenie50 (3992)
• United States
22 Nov 09
Hey Sweetie, Now, you said that you were going to put your feelings aside for your Mom's Birthday. Mary Beth, I know how hard this will be but if you want your Mom to have a great B-Day, then you need to get a grip or a tranquilizer!! If I can keep my mouth shut around my twin, you can ignore your brother. Just don't start any conversations with him or the wife.If you don't react to any of their crap, then they will go home unhappy. And that would feel a whole lot better. Remember it's only for a couple of hours. Good luck sweetie!! Keep me posted. Leenie
1 person likes this
@CatsandDogs (13964)
• United States
22 Nov 09
Hi Leenie sweetie, I have xanax and will take one before we leave here so I'll be cool calm and collected by the time we get there. I do want this get together to be nice for mom and dad both so they'll have happy memories to take with them when they leave us. I do hope that my brother will come off his high horse and apologize but I'm not holding my breath but it sure would be nice. I will keep you posted hon, I promise! Now I'm going to send you an email.....
@ElicBxn (60884)
• United States
22 Nov 09
When I'm out in public, I try to ignore them to not make a scene and upset the whole family I would at least tell him ONCE if he comes up and smarts off at you that you don't want to upset the family and it would be best if he just didn't talk to you the rest of the day. after that - WAR!
1 person likes this
@CatsandDogs (13964)
• United States
22 Nov 09
LOL EXACTLY Elic!! Exactly right!! I will put my "big girl panties on" like grandmaof2 told me to do and suck it up but like I said to her, by the time I get there, I'll probably have them so far pulled up and covering my mouth by the time we get there!!
2 people like this
@besthope44 (12145)
• India
6 Oct 10
Well depression is common in this busy world..though its bitter fact. So dont take it emotional to heart and try to come out of the past. Please dont give up confidence. Do yoga, you will feel a great heal and confidence. God bless you friend! Things will be better soon, dont give up.
@GardenGerty (99444)
• United States
24 Nov 09
I felt that way eevery year for my first husband's family reunion, but I went anyway. I think it is a good sign he listened to what she said and is going out of his way to make sure she gets to do what she would like to, and not putting it off for some day. I hope you have a great day.