How you share the payment with your lover?

China
November 28, 2009 10:01am CST
When we are couple,he would pay for all the payment for me; And when we live together,he ask me pay for my personal payment; Neay by the marry,he ask me share some of the some payment which is huge sum,for example,50% of the down payment of the house(25% I borrow form my parent),the payment of the internet,30% payment of the furniture. After we marry,he ask my pay for the 50% of the loan of the house. And he ask me pay for the loan of my parent myself. All I had agree.. But he had more request now.He ask pay for 50% of the overheads. I had pay for all my personal payment already.The rest is just his personal payment and the payment of the foods,the electric rate.. I am very very angry this time. I think the husband need to earn much money,and raise a family.I had share nearly 50% of all the payment.What him pay more is just a little.The a little is the duty of a husband,even a man! And the mostly angry,he insist that I had not share most of payment.As him had pay for nearly all the payment for about 1 year. We quarrel for near a whole day.I feel with despair with him. How is in your country?How you think about?
1 person likes this
6 responses
@gunjanpri (602)
• India
29 Nov 09
In India, husband is considered god by his wife. I share everything with my husband. But I feel he does not like disclosing his salary and expenses with me. But on the other hand, he asks count of every single penny of my salary, and does not give anything, till he sees my account with zero balance. I do not know what to do. I want to save money for emergency. But he finishes his salary without explaining the expenses to me, and does not allow me any investment or saving. Otherwise he loves me and cares a lot for me, but this behavior and irresponsible economic strategy irritates me.
• China
30 Nov 09
Yes,it is similar with my husband.There is some deposit in my bank is the lastest thing he would like to konw. He love me ,but he care his money so much. He konw his power,but he try to reduce his dity always. As he share the payment.I share the house works with he. He object the house works.But I inform him that this is the really equity he request,not only the payment,as well as the house works. Maybe you could try.
@nyumix (1661)
• Belgium
29 Nov 09
Even my husband and I came from different countries and e different kind of cultures, we already have an agreement before we married that we will share everything that we have, everything that we will get and everything that we need to pay. So we don't really have problem to share payments and earnings after marriage.
• China
30 Nov 09
You are lucky.I try to stop the flight for the money.But it is not easy.
• China
29 Nov 09
We shar our most of our earning togeyher.And my husband will take out all his money and give it to me.But i will deposit some money in bank ,usually afer two weeks i will take out and give it to my husband.
• China
30 Nov 09
We are different.We would deposit the income by ourself. His deposit is much more.
@smileonstar (4013)
• United States
28 Nov 09
hi, sorry to hear that... i have family my own also, and with two children. to tell you the truth, I pay everything in my family and I am the head of household... my husband used to make a lot of money but not now. so, now he depends on me and I depend on my job. Before we married, he gave me all he saving to me, and when we bought a house, he loaned his parent 25% and I loaned my parents 25% also... but we already paid it off. My husband never asked me to pay on my personal payment or household bills, but I have to pay all of those myself cuz he has no money beside me. it is hard when husband and wife have to share thing separately, I thought it should be together right? I usually ask my husband to pay his own bills if he never ask or tell me about it then he has to responsible for it. In your case, you should try to save as much as you can just in case of rainy day. Another thing, if he loves to separate like that then you should give some to him and some to you... make it equal. if you use, you pay... about household bills, both of you have to share cuz you both use it. about the house payment, you both share 50/50 cuz u both live in it. beside that, whoever name on it that person pay for it. I know some men are like that, he doesn't want someone else to use his income beside himself ever he used other income instead. that's what I call SELFISH. to deal with this kind of person, you should save for your own and always think of yourself first before you think about him. I pray for him and hope you find the resolve out.
• China
30 Nov 09
You are not easy. I think your husband need to find a job,even a cheap income. My earning is a little more than my husband now.As he change a job this year. He see you comment,and he try to think over.. He agree to pay for the food and electric charge and some day-to-day payment now. Thank you. But we would share with the large payment.And make a burdet of a month for each in advantage.
• Philippines
28 Nov 09
Hi. As far as I know, most couples here in the Philippines normally combine their income without regard as to who is the higher or lower earner. The husbands normally give all their earnings to their wives. The wives would normally do the budgeting subject to approval of their husbands. After that, the wives normally manage and monitor the household's day-to-day expenditures, asset acquisitions and savings. In my personal experience, I have already insisted in giving my share to our expenses since we were dating. The practice continued when we became boyfriend/girlfriend. When we finally got married, my husband started to give all his earnings to me to be combined with my own earnings. I prepare our annual/monthly budget and present it to him for approval. I also monitor the actual expenditures. At the end of each month, we would discuss the reasons for variances - expenditures over/under budget. This is also the practice of some of my married friends. Well, the case was different during our parents' time. During those times, only the husbands work in most households. Then they would give everything to their housewives for budgeting and monitoring of actual expenses.
• China
30 Nov 09
My office is far form the home.So my husband would deal for the daily payment.Buy the food,and cooking before I back to home.I would buy the food and cook on the weekend. And all the bank is far form our home. So,it is difficult to deal with the day-to-day expenditures by me.
• Singapore
28 Nov 09
That's weird! Why husband and wife live in individual manner?! I haven't got married but I life as a Christian. You and your husband are one, everything you have is his, and what he has is yours. By the way, husband is a head of the family. I think just obey him, but discuss it with him ab your problem in good manner. Cheers!
• China
30 Nov 09
Royirawan,thank you for your reply.But my husband feel he pay more always. So he try to reduce his payment once and once again.