How do you decide someone is Mr/Mrs Right?

@Reyachan (589)
Romania
December 3, 2009 6:30am CST
I have seen here a lot of discussions about love, relationships,marriage and so on. And a lot of different points of view. I want to ask 2 questions now. One for the already married people and one for the unmarried ones. Feel free to answer either of them. 1. Why did you marry your husband/wife? The real reasons and criteria that made him/her your best choice. 2.What are the criteria you have in mind for choosing your husband/wife?I'm asking this because, although we start relationships because we like those persons and then love them and wish to spend our whole lives with...not all relationships are fit for marriage. I was with someone for 4 and a half years, things were ok. but when he asked me to marry him I realised I didn't want to spend my whole life with him. I just couldn't!Something inside me couldn't acept that perspective. I'm not afraid of getting married, I just felt he wasn't the one. So....what makes Mr/Mrs Right be Mr/Mrs Right in your opinion??
2 people like this
10 responses
• Spain
3 Dec 09
I dont think its a decision, I believe is the way you feel. Im not married, but I do know when mr. right has arrived :)
@Reyachan (589)
• Romania
3 Dec 09
Thank you for your intervention, Beatriz! I know what you mean by feeling when Mr Right arrives. But what exactly makes him Mr Right for you? That's what I wanted to find out from you guys. For example I knew my ex wasn't Mr Right for me because I just felt I couldn't spend my whole life with such a stuborn, selfish person. Also, we sometimes feel we met Mr Right, but we then find out he wasn't the one. So how do you choose? What makes him Mr Right?
• Spain
3 Dec 09
I guess is a chemistry thing also, we all as humans being weird just because think different. something that might make a man Mr. right for me, you might not agree. But what makes a man perfect for you? As for me it would be manners, respect, hardworking, charismatic, ufff I could write down a whole list, but theres no such thing out there, I guess the best way to go is to accept the one you love with its defects, plus when you are in love, doesn't everything just seem perfect? even if they talk while chewing their food?
@agv0419 (3028)
• Philippines
4 Dec 09
I think you need to be compatible to each other and you also have chemistry. As of now I never meet my Mr. Right I don't want to set any qualifications because it is very hard to look for a perfect guy they are one in a million. Marriage is very serious matter so you need to consider everything before you can decide because if you rush into things you going to regret it in the end.
• Philippines
4 Dec 09
listen to your heart Reyachan, most of the answers to your questions are coming from your heart. years in relationship is not a guarantee that you will have a lasting relationship. before my husband, i have a relationship that lasted for seven years, it just didn't work out. though we are still friends when we separated but yeah you are correct: something just did not really fit in. my husband now, for 11 years is i think the "Mr. Right" given by God to me. we were just like less than a year into our relationship but we find the "fit", and most especially - I LISTENED TO MY HEART! that is probably the reason why were are still connected, understanding of each other, giving and forgiving of each other's mistakes, and continue loving each other. God has given me a gift, and i listen to it. God luck Rey...
@Reyachan (589)
• Romania
4 Dec 09
Hello alexy, and thank you for your good thoughts! I've noticed that aswell.That if a relationship gets to a certain "age" and you don't marry that person, the more time passes the less chances are to actually marry that one. You just feel something is not right and then move on.And then someone else comes along and that decision becomes much clearer after a few months... From what I understand for you as well mattered very much the points you share in common with your husband... I wish you a long and happy life together! Thank you for your answer.
• Philippines
2 Feb 10
thanks Reyachan... God Bless!
@kirkuf (19)
3 Dec 09
I am married. when i met my wife it was like wow and it still is, i get butterflies everytime i hear her for the first time of the day and it feels a little like im living a dream. up until i met her i hadnt really thought of marriage or where i want to be in a few years but now its all i think about and i cant believe how happy i am. i even enjoy doing the dumb things like i'll go and watch a movie i hate the look of and i actually enjoy it just because were doing it together
@Reyachan (589)
• Romania
3 Dec 09
You're a very lucky man, kirkuf! For finding your half and actually marring her. And she is one lucky lady for having someone who loves her so much and thinks about her like that. So what you're basically saying is that you knew from the very first moment she was the one for you. But..did that happen because of the way she looked? Or because if what and how she spoke?
@kirkuf (19)
3 Dec 09
it was everything all rolled into one i guess, we have things in common, we share interests and yes she is very beautiful but i knew i was taking a chance and it was when we acually met that it reinforced the fact that i was in love with her and i can tell you 4000 miles is a long way to go on the hope of something but we had been talking for ages before we even met and we were both sure of it so i took the chance and i have never been happier.
• United States
4 Dec 09
Hi Reyachan! So, I'm married and love my husband very much! But I have to disagree with people when they say it's just something that happens. Marriage is one of the most important decisions of your life...YES, DECISIONS. You can let yourself fall in love with anyone...heck, you could fall in love with an awful person if you let yourself! Love is very easy in the beginning...when you feel like there's no one else besides the two of you and nothing else in the world matters. Love conquers all, right? To a point. I think the single most important thing in my marriage is our goals and desires. We love each other...obviously. We would not have married each other otherwise. However, what good is love if you don't want to go the same place in life. I don't mean career wise, but I mean the truly important things: family, beliefs, things of that nature. One of you wants kids and the other doesn't; one of you is a staunch Christian, the other a Buddhist. You need to want the same things in life. There is of course, wanting to spend the rest of your life with that person:) Love will start may start out as butterflies, but it's more than a feeling; it's an action more than a feeling, in my opinion. You care more about that person than yourself and are willing to do anything for them and their well being. You can't imagine spending the rest of your life with anyone else. Unfortunately, it's not a science, but you'll know when you meet him. Just make sure you want the same things in life too :)
@Reyachan (589)
• Romania
4 Dec 09
Hello, azdesert! I really liked your answer a lot. I believe it best answered my question from above. Because although you talked about love, you also pointed out te other things that are important when taking such a big decision like marriage. I totally support your theory and what you said about having the same goals and beliefs is one of the main concerns when thinking of a life spent with someone. But what if you end up choosing someone who is too much like yourself? Isn't that a bad idea on the long term? Thanks again and happy mylotting!!
• Philippines
3 Dec 09
I do not like to set an ideal Mr/Ms right as everything comes to me as naturally as the more i set up a character or ultimate passion for the object of my interest it is bounds to fail me and only results to lot of disappointment. So the more I make up interesting qualities or list of requirement of an ideal partner, the more it refuse to be successful. Thus, it is better for me not to expect high standard as it fail to either impress me or likewise the opposite he/she is not impress with me. I think if the basis is only after an ideal matches which is a make up by mind full of fantasy it is very hard to find one. I think i am better of to act and think normal not taking too much time to search for it as when the right times comes you would definitely feel it.
@Reyachan (589)
• Romania
3 Dec 09
Hello, neelianoscet!Thanks for joining us. You have a good point there. When you get your hopes high, you usually get dissapointed. But what it the one thing you'd never accept your future partener to lack? Patience, respect, altruism? What is the one quality for you that..if that person doesn't have you refuse to think of any future plans or relationship?
@ck3259 (248)
• Malaysia
3 Dec 09
1st criteria is perfectly match character. Need to match in some of the things such as favorite food or movie.2nd criteria is have some similarity in interest. As long as have minor similarity then would have topic to share and discuss. 3rd you need to tolerate each other, accept opinion. Lastly should be accept his/her look.
@Reyachan (589)
• Romania
3 Dec 09
I like your objectivity, ck3259!And your point of view is a very good one. To share your whole life with someone you certainly have to share some common interests and character features. You pointed out very well this simple truth everyone seems to be forgetting about. Thank you for your participation in this discussion. Happy mylotting!
@Ravenladyj (22937)
• United States
3 Dec 09
Mr/Mrs Right isnt something you decide..its something you just KNOW when it happens...Unfortunately being wiht your soulmate isnt always possible when there are outside issues or influences involved..thats what happened with me...BUT at the same time my husband is in many ways Mr.Right he's just not my soulmate and I'm not his...We're the best of friends though and have been together for 11 yrs and to hell and back but still happy....
@Reyachan (589)
• Romania
3 Dec 09
Thabk you Raven! This is the kind of answer I was actually looking for. Even if it is a clichee, I too agree we feel when Mr Right has appeared. But do we choose him as a husband? Or do we choose someone else and why? And if we end up choosing someone, ho do we choose? In your case your husband is your good friend and that makes you happy. This is the kind of answer I was looking for! Thanks for your participation!
• United States
4 Dec 09
I'm not married but when you find your soul mate you'll just know. My parents have been together for a long time and no matter how bad things have gotten you can see in their eyes that there is no one else in the world they would be with.
• Philippines
4 Dec 09
I do not like to look for mr right as their is no ideal partner and everyone is not perfect. You would get a lot of disappointment if you set your ideal man as lot have defects. Thus, it is better to let the right things happen at a right time when other feel compatible truly bound by love that know to make an adjustment through trial and error.
• Philippines
4 Dec 09
I have read your story. I am single and never married but I know you can tell if he's meant to be the one for you. Pray for it and you will know. You will just know, in time.