Do you still let the person borrowed money from you who was not a good payer?

@xannebull (1800)
Philippines
December 23, 2009 6:48am CST
I had this friend of mine, she's the mother of my son's classmates, we have been good friends until now, she borrowed money from me three months ago, but still she wasn't able to pay it until now. I was guilty with my husband because my husband didn't know about it and beside it's my husband's money since he's the only one who works for us. I know that it's nice to help people who's in need but giving is different from borrowing and besides, i think it's just okay for me if it came from my own hard work but it's from my husband. How do you deal with this? did you experience this kind of situation?
4 people like this
15 responses
@rosepedal64 (4191)
• United States
23 Dec 09
Hi bull I have loan money to family members that doesn't have a good paying back history. My neice borrow some money few years back. It wasn't much but she hasn't paid it back. Then she calls the other day and wanted to know if she could borrow again. I reminded her that she never paid back the other. Of courese she forgot and I didn't loan her any more this time either. Also I feel that the money that your husband works is a household money not just his money. Keep smiling.
1 person likes this
@xannebull (1800)
• Philippines
23 Dec 09
What you've done is right, it's nice to help others who are in need, but what we need is to return what is being borrowed from us and not just forgetting it, because nowadays money is so hard to find.
• United States
24 Dec 09
You got that right bull..Even I wanted to give her the money then Im not sure that I would have it to give to her in the first place. Merry Christmas friend. Keep smiling.
@coldmoon (1092)
• France
23 Dec 09
I think you should choose a good moment to tell this to your husband as soon as possible. It's his money, so he has the right to know about it before the trouble becomes more complicated. I lent a big amount of money to my friend some years ago, but he didn't pay me back. I know that he can as his family for a help, or he can find a job during the spare time to earn more money, but he's always lazy and prefers to enjoy his life rather than to worry about his debt. So I decide to tell him that he can't go off easily, as I signed a check for him, and my bank consulter can detect the way of this cash. If it's necessary, we can meet each other at the court, but what I regret is not the money that I can earn later, but the friendship between us and my respect to him.
1 person likes this
@xannebull (1800)
• Philippines
23 Dec 09
It happens to a lot of friendship, the friendship has just been broken because of money, and that is what i don't like to happen between me and my friend that is why, if they would like to borrow money again, i would never let them for some reasons, i would only chose the person who is a good payor so i can guarantee that the money will be going back to me.
• India
23 Dec 09
Well yeah, you should, well, okay it's your money too, and you can use it anyway you want, but you could have at least told him about this. And your friend, you should try asking her indirectly about the money somehow. I can't come up with any real ideas at the moment, but you could ask a]out it straight away too. Like for eg., Just go and ask, "Hey, about the money you borrowed from me, what did you need it for?". But I suppose that would be a bit rude so just try asking her somehow if she intends to pay it back or not. Such things usually happen with my friends and I think you should try solving it without any rudeness. [i]Merry Christmas, ~Pie Lover[/i]
1 person likes this
@xannebull (1800)
• Philippines
23 Dec 09
I didn't tell my husband at that time she lends the money because my husband works far from us and she promise to pay me after a month, but now she always tells me that she has still no money to pay me... I didn't want our friendship to be ruined just because of the money, it just give me a lesson of choosing the right person.
@b4balaji (410)
• India
23 Dec 09
According to me, you help someone if you can. And the ability of a person to lend money, means, he or she has that money, so that nobody can question her after it is given. In your case, as you say, the money is your husbands, I think it is not right. I would plainly say I dont have that money, if you want, you can ask my husband yourself. This is better, because, after that your husband will decide whether to give or not. And he is the right person to take the decision, no matter, how much money is to be borrowed.
@xannebull (1800)
• Philippines
23 Dec 09
My husband works far from us, he only arrives home every six months, people expect that i have lots of money because of this, that is why i am getting pressured sometimes. I don't want my friends to get disappointed with me if i refuse, but this time, this serves as a lesson for me because this happens to me a lot of times already.
• United States
23 Dec 09
My friend tameka is going through this right now. I would not loan her a dime again. If I could not give it to her That would be that. Your right to feel this way about it. Situations like this can hurt you in the long run.
1 person likes this
@xannebull (1800)
• Philippines
23 Dec 09
you are right, this serves as a lesson, we should only chose the person that is a good payor and sensitive so that friendships won't get affected just because of the money thing.
@srganesh (6348)
• India
24 Dec 09
Borrowing money within friends sometimes breaks the relationship itself.It is always the one who takes the other for granted is the culprit.Well,is it a huge money that you give her?Did you remind her of paying back?Try to go to her home so that she may return it because it would be a shame for her.
@Savedeath (255)
• China
24 Dec 09
yes,i think lots of people have the same experience,and sometimes it will just make me very angry,one of my friends brorrowed some money from me and told me that he will payback within three days so i put out my money even that time i was also lack of money very much,but if he could payback within three days then i could still hold on.finally one week has past,he still told me that he has no money then i had to borrow some from my other friends,and comparing with the non-pay back,i hate more about the ones who can't keep their words.
• India
24 Dec 09
Dear Xannelbull, I say money matters spoil the freindship so I never lend the money to any of my friends (if it is small amount we can leave it), but incase of emergency we can lend and for the first time I will try to understand his problem (it is a genuine reason) and from the next time you can guess what will I do :-)
@drakesuyat (1063)
• Philippines
24 Dec 09
if its my brother or sister, i would still lend them if i can afford it even if they still owe me one. but if its friends or relatives, i wont. well maybe if i know that it is for emergency like someones in the hospital or an accident maybe, somehow i will, but other than that, sorry for now. although most of the times when someone borrowed from you, he/she will be shy to borrow again. of course, they will think that i wont allow them to coz they still owe me especially if it has been a long time. merry christmas xannebull
• China
24 Dec 09
i think maybe that person still in hard fince condition so he can't return the money to you . but if she have money and always buy luxury things then you'd better tell her she still owe you the money since that's your own money alone. your husband earned that actually. if she really have no extra money to return then just allow more time. friendship is not every easy to get nowdays.
@cholo23 (77)
• Philippines
24 Dec 09
What's hurt the most is the people closest to you and you cared about. Your family relatives and in laws. They borrow money from you and saying they will pay it, that it is a loan. But when the time will come of paying their debts, they will not pay for it. And when you asked them if when they will gonna pay, they say they don't have enough money yet to pay for their debts, until time comes that they will just forget about it, and you will never gonna get paid for the money they borrow. The hard part is they are your relatives and in laws, that is I'm shy to tell them "pay your debts". And now I've learned my lesson very well.
@kevinll (967)
• China
24 Dec 09
My friends ofen borrow money from me, several years later i still get nothing back, I do not know why, I can not give up when they borrow money from. I always think that somone is not easy to open mouth to borrow money. However i think they should give it back.
@Jakywoo (102)
• China
24 Dec 09
I have a friend.One day she complained to me that one guy had bought something from her but still not pay off.And the guy even did't care it!So angry I am!I think it is ours responsibility to pay off the money we borrowed from others.And say thanks.For me, I have a dormmate who is not a good payer,but if he ask me to borrow money,I will do it.Why?I don't know.Maybe I am kind or foolish.
@lilgold (89)
• United States
24 Dec 09
Hell no, there so untrustworthy
@myramae19 (667)
• Philippines
23 Dec 09
lending money to a friends/relatives is rewarding.,you're helping. you also have the right to decide about this matter, but you could have atleast ask your husband's permission. In that case do not lend your friend until she couldn't settle the first amount she had barrow. helping is good but you must see to it they can pay you on time, your husband work hard to earned that money, they must cooperate. find a time to open this to your husband.merry christmas!