Do you Long for Someone to Love you?

@maria1081 (1252)
Philippines
December 31, 2009 11:59am CST
One of the topic we usually refuse to talk about is longing for someone to love us. Since for some reasons longing is a sign of weakness to other people. Is it normal to long for someone to hold, and knows how to love without being told? I can see that even some people who are already in a relationship is still longing for someone better than their present partners. Is it too much to ask for someone who will love us back the way we love them? I know that no relationship is perfect but I know there are relationships that are close to perfect.
1 person likes this
11 responses
@andy77e (5165)
• United States
1 Jan 10
Yes, you are asking too much. Maria, there is no girl in the world, that is you. Maria, you are the only Maria like you. Now, yes there are other women with similar figures, similar sizes, similar curves and shapes, eye color, and hair, and so on. But each women has things that are unique. I read about a man that after being married to his wife for two years, he finally figured out she felt most loved when he fixed little things around the house. A leaky faucet or broken light fixture. She most felt like he really love her, when he was fixing something in the house. Do you think all girls are like that? Maybe some, but not all. Another guy found out his wife most felt loved when he made fresh coffee in the morning and set on the back porch with her, and just talked. If he did absolutely nothing else all day, as long as he made some coffee and sat with her on the back porch, she was happy and loved. Women are amazingly complex and detailed creatures. But for some reason, despite how complex and detailed and different you are, you really think a guy is just going to pop into your life, and know everything about you, and know how to love you without being told? No guy can achieve this, except by luck. Guys inherently are not as intuitive as women. We simply don't have that ability to grasp these things the way you can. Some guys are better at it than others. Some guys put in more effort than others. Some guys are simply lousy at it. They want to be, but they simply do not have that skill. Guys do not have a built in understanding of that amazing creation called women. I heard a story about a guy who was trying so hard to please his wife. He fixed her car, cleaned out the garage, mowed the lawn. But that wasn't what made her feel loved. She thought he was simply doing things he enjoyed doing. He thought he was being as loving as he could be. The marriage didn't last. Her expectations that he would simple "know" what made her feel loved, and that she shouldn't have to tell him, ended up making both of them miserable. So I think you are expecting too much. When you look at relationship that seem close to perfect, it's possible there are years of trial and error, the led to them learning how to please each other.
@maria1081 (1252)
• Philippines
1 Jan 10
I ask this question because I had loved someone before and I think that my love is greater than him. And now that I'm out of his life, he long for me to love him back the way I used to love him. But I cant do that anymore since I no longer long for him but for someone who will love me the way I did love someone before.
@andy77e (5165)
• United States
2 Jan 10
Oh I see. That is not the way I understood the question. So you were with one guy, and you loved him, but he really didn't love you that well. So you left. Now that you are gone, he wants you to come back, but you no longer love him. That sounds to me like neither one of you love each other. Love is a choice to commit yourself to one person. This unconditional commitment, doesn't come and go like a feeling. Feelings are temporal things. They come and go. You can wake up one morning and feel incredibly happy, for no real reason. Then another morning you can feel bored and sad, again for no real reason. Love can't be like that. If you love someone, you care about them even if you don't feel like it. It is as much a choice of the heart, as a feeling of the heart. He didn't love you when you were there, because you were there. He took you for granted. Now you are gone and he feels like loving you, because you left him. That's not love. If you return, he will take you for granted again. Similarly, you loved him until he didn't make you feel good, and now you don't love him anymore. My advice would be. Forget him. Move on with your life. Find your spot in the world, and do your best. When someone comes along that you both can really love each other, then move forward together from there.
• China
1 Jan 10
In fact till my marriage ,I believe there are ture love in the world ,and I am satisfied with my boy friend ,now my husband ,I long for his love and protection ,and he did give me that ,but after we had our daughter ,even I still long for his romance or a warm "hello "and kind kiss ,but he did not offer that , I do not know whether there is no love between us ,what I only feel is that the time can make all the love disappear without warning ,So I will lock my longing in following days ,because I do not want disappiontment .
@maria1081 (1252)
• Philippines
1 Jan 10
I'm not also sure if love disappear. But what I know is you can not be in-love everyday but you can nourish the love to keep it alive.
• Australia
1 Jan 10
I have experienced this, yes. Struggling with sexuality only makes things worse. Longing for someone of the same gender who is completely hetero is quite difficult but I am moving on. It is really hard though, and hurts a lot to know it cannot happen. I suppose it has helped to channel that passion into other things like music and art, where I can see productive results, until another person comes along and snatches my attention haha. Hope that was relevant.
@maria1081 (1252)
• Philippines
1 Jan 10
Yes, it is relevant though somehow I can't relate 100%. Thanks for sharing.
• United States
31 Dec 09
I was raised to believe that a woman was nothing unless she was in a relationship. I had good grades, I was funny, and I had friends, but I still felt incomplete. While I said, as well as the women in my family, that there was more to me than what a guy thought I still lived my life according to the idea that I had to be connected to a significant other. I went through many changes, and started to develop myself. I have been single for nearly a decade, and I am much more satisfied than most of the people I know who are in a relationship or married. I wouldn't mind meeting someone and sharing my life with them, however I no longer long for this the way I did. I don't define my world that way. I understand that the element I am looking for in another person is rare in friends and family, let alone a person who has been raised to think of relationships as a game. I want to be with someone with integrity. I will not compromise on this, and thus if I never find a person who truly posses this trait in every aspect of their life, then I have no problem going without. Besides, I get a lot of love from my sisters. I don't need it to come from one vessel. Have you ever read the book Communion, by Bell Hooks? Its a really great read on this subject, and changed my out look a great deal. Great topic, by the way.
@maria1081 (1252)
• Philippines
1 Jan 10
Hi there. I haven't read the book yet but I think its interesting the way you describe it. I would love to read it someday. I do feel incomplete too in some point in my life, I dont want to depend my happiness on others but still it always end up with the question where is that someone who will make me feel complete? Anyway thank you for sharing your opinion.
@monkeylong (3146)
• Guangzhou, China
1 Jan 10
As far as I am concerned, I have just be single . My girl friend has just say goodbye to me . Now I am just in low spirir. For me, I am longing someone who are going to love me .I need the person who can love me and takegood care of me. Maybe the person is waiting for me.
@srganesh (6350)
• India
1 Jan 10
That happens in one sided loves which is not common now a days.teenagers are quick in changing their minds now.But it is possible that we can long for some one to love us and wait for them to understand our love.We should not forget that no couple can love equally in between them.one of their love will be more intense than the other.It is not good to long for another if you are in a relationship already.
@bulastika (5967)
• Philippines
1 Jan 10
Longing for someone to love us. For me the greatest love of all is to love one self. How can you love if you don't know how to love your self. I think its normal to look for love. That what make us human..love baby love..
@liuzhi (265)
• China
1 Jan 10
HoHo,I think it's our human nature.Who do not want others love them?
@abhi_bangal (3686)
• India
1 Jan 10
'Why not'? is my first thought that came to my mind after reading your discussion. Love is one feeling that is loved by one and all. I don't think it is any unnatural to long for love. Love is one feeeling that give us the feeling of security. It feels that we are safe in this cruel world and the world then suddenly seems quite and more beautiful than ever.
@Genericbe (1378)
• Philippines
31 Dec 09
Yes I do agree that there is a close to perfect relationship.When both work things out to be a close to perfect one. Or might have invested good foundations to be considered as one. I do long for someone that I love. I do miss the person I love. I really do not accept that longing is total weakness sign but somehow it is the compensation when you are deeply loving someone who can never be in your life at present because of some reasons.
• Indonesia
31 Dec 09
relattionship is a choice. I choose it and take a questioon back to my opposite so that there is a match between us and it will help us longing.. i think that was