Proper age for dating

@jakie18 (229)
Philippines
January 5, 2010 10:10am CST
I have a 15-year old cousin who started dating an 18-year old college guy.I am worried because she's still in high school and just starting to explore the world of adolescence.Her parents don't even about here whereabouts and I feel responsible for her since I am the only one who knows about her escapades.I try to explain to her the consequences of her actions but instead of agreeing she answered that she's old enough to know the right from wrong so what else can I say?I'm also thinking of talking to the guy but I am afraid that i'll be crossing the border?what should i do?should i tell her parents?should i talk to the guy or just keep quiet and wait for the outcome?
1 person likes this
21 responses
• Philippines
5 Jan 10
All of us will undergo that stage of "dating". Some may start at a young age and others on their later years. Teenagers don't listen mostly to anyone who they feel doesn't understand what they're feeling at the moment and they might feel threatened that the "happiness" they felt might be interrupted or stopped by adults. As a mature person, you need to talk to her. Share with her your experience during your teenage dating stage. Let her know of her boundaries. Site to her the consequences should she fail to follow the rules and cross the line. It would be best also if you could talk her to open up to her parents so they would be aware of the situation. Let them understand that their daughter is growing up and part of it is "dating". They don't need to suffocate her as this would lead your cousin to rebellion. What they should do is to guide their daughter and encourage her not to keep secrets from them.
• China
6 Jan 10
Great Idea!!
• Philippines
6 Jan 10
Thanks. Glad to be of help.
@slovenc1 (2092)
• Slovenia
5 Jan 10
I was 19 when i started with my girlfriend and she was 16. Our parents didn't mind and we have been together for more than a year now and we are happy. I guess you should wait for the outcome. Love has no limits. You should only watch how they get along and how the boy behaves. Hope it helps(=
• Philippines
6 Jan 10
I agree love has no limits. But the person involve does. Especially when they are still very young. Good for you both your parents don't mind and you've been happy together. But not all situations will be the same for all. Things will be different for every person involved. I just hope the boy really behaves on the 15 year old girl.
• United States
6 Jan 10
If I was you, I'd let her parents know, and instead of making it sound like she's doing wrong, get the parents advice on how to handle the situation with her. If for some reason, she does make a stupid mistake, I'm sure you wouldn't want it to come back and bite you, because you knew and didn't say anything....and you won't be betraying her trust, either. You would win all the way around.
@abhi_bangal (3686)
• India
6 Jan 10
I think we both are sailing in the same boat. You have raised the discussion of you cousin just now. It shows that your worry might have arised just now. I too had a cousin who was also my classmate for 3-4 years. But that was way back sometime in 1995-1996 when we were in the ninth standard. She too had started dating a guy who was in college for the 2nd year of graduation. I too was shocked to know such a relation. See that had happened almost 15 years back. It was to be a shocking news anyhow. Things have changed a lot since then. But that does not mean that it is still good.
@abhi_bangal (3686)
• India
6 Jan 10
They say time matters. I did not know that it was so important. Well, jokes apart, but I really personally feel that it is really the right time to talk with someone who is special to you and with whom you are not on good terms. Secondly, to add to that I feel that these times do work. Times like when you are on a picnic, or some thing good has happened to you or around or the times of festivals where young boys and girls come together are great for kicking off new relations. And why only new, you can give a new touch to the boring relation that you feel is. Or even important is the fact when it turns out to be a break-up. The new years eve is such one time of the year when you can very freely pour out your heart. If you open up your mind on this day, I do not feel the reason for anyone to reject such a lovely proposal. A new is year is waiting and a new beginning can be made. So, I think, this time of the year is the best, it is the last day but surely not the least, to speak about all types of relations - boyfriend, girlfriend, friends or anyone for that matter.
@bharadwaz (112)
• India
6 Jan 10
hi friend, yes it was not the correct age for dating,as you said that she was not listening to you if you really wants to care about for her future you better know about that boy and you to be a friend of that boy then if you really thinks that guy is good then you leave her otherwise you take the responsibility of your cousin and make her to know how bad he was,if she knows how that guy was then your cousin have a chance to realize.
• China
6 Jan 10
Telling her parents would make it worse. She's not a little girl any longer. I think she's not stupid just not mature enough. Maybe you could give her some sincere suggestions intead of moralizing.The way you talk is more important than what you suggest. It would be helpful if you talk in the way her peers talk.
@maximax8 (27045)
6 Jan 10
One of my friends when we were fifteen years old dated a twenty-one year old man. They got married when my friend reached twenty-two years old. They are a happily married couple with one daughter. I think that you should have a friendly conversation with your fifteen year old cousin. You could could explain that she should try to be honest to her parents about what is going on. If you speak to her boyfriend your cousin might feel that you are being difficult so it is best not to do that. If you keep quiet and the outcome is bad you will be upset. So therefore clear discussion is the best course of action with your cousin. Good luck and remember when you were a teenager.
• Pakistan
6 Jan 10
Just wait n make Ur relation more closely n fell her that how much Ur sinser with her.
• India
6 Jan 10
well, I don't think there is any proper age of dating . You can't tell her to stop and I won't even advice you to complain to her parents as she will start hating you and condition will become worst only .. You should better talk to her distract her to other interest in this age ...give some example of resulting of their these activity ... These will be better ... Thanks :)
@Genericbe (1378)
• Philippines
6 Jan 10
The best you can do for your younger cousin is to be a close person to her where she can confide you things personal for her. Guide her and give her optional advices than crossing border her wants and views at present. She is young enough to enter in that kind but be reminded that it has been a teen curiosity life. This time, they wanted to be free and do things they wanted and see only. They are mostly influenced by young teens like her. Almost, these teens go for competitions and dares. I bet you underwent that feeling or time in your life too. Be influential in your cousin. Let her feel that you are willing to listen and understand her situation. It is much better to hold more on your cousin than go over the guy and parents. Because, your cousin and people around her may misunderstand your points and actions for doing such.
@rose66 (380)
• China
6 Jan 10
hi jakie, i think you can let your cousin date. for she is 15 now and in the high school. as a moden teenager, most of them know how's the men and women are and they also know how to make boy or girl friends. you just need to talk to her patiant and let her know she has the right to date but really needs to be careful. and it'll be better let her tell her parents by herself. if that, your cousin can have a healthy dating.
• Philippines
6 Jan 10
just kept on reminding her,in a right time she can realized what is really good for her.dont be too much strict,sometimes listen to her. believe me, i started dating at age 14, but what we did with my boyfriend who was 2 yrs older than i,we just went to the school ground and talked and talked..but i still managed to graduate my college.it is up to your cousin anyway, if she's concerned about her future,because for me, having those childhood sweathearts were just inspirations.only God know's who your partner will be.
@bernjane (143)
• Philippines
6 Jan 10
Told her parents about what is happening to her so when bad happenings come you won't be blame. And just let her do what she wanna do but limit her too and explains your responsibilities with her when something happens bad. The guy doesn't have anything to do with the situation since they are still dating and it's all your responsibilities to tell her parents about the what she goes into because it was also the responsibilities of the parents to advise for their daughter.
@happy6162 (3011)
• United States
6 Jan 10
You should talk to here parents and see if they know that she is dating and 18 year old college guy. If they know and gave their approval then there is nothing else you can do but you could still keep and eye on them just in case something go wrong.
@Oskar28 (33)
• Philippines
6 Jan 10
I ain't conservative, but I think the proper age is 18. You know, I think you should first talk to the guy. After a talk to a guy and if the guy just don't want to stop, talk to the parents. But we cannot control anybody, if she insist amidst your concern, it's already up to her. You've done your part!
@fsll518 (304)
• China
6 Jan 10
I think your cousin has some typical puberty problem. She may not listen to anybody, but it is good if you inform her parents about everything, not to hide it. You just need to do your part. Just try to be friends with your cousin, don't show any tendency of controling, but if communicate as friend, you would have chance to express her opinion. Better not to show any superiority, even though you are older. Take care :)
@hoodwinks (158)
• United States
6 Jan 10
you know this can be tough. I am a father of two girls and a son. they are 2,3,7. now when they turn 15 maybe might let them date, and they do have to make sure that their grades are good and I can trust them to be alone and not do things not is not needed at such a young age. sometimes we make mistakes as a child/teenager, that's because we don't understand the how the real world really is till you grow up and start to feel what it is to be an adult. as for her respect and just try to share how you care about her and you worry about her and love her to lose her. show her some movies that show bad scenarios, for instance if you haven't seen the "the last house on the left" get the unrated version and well you will find out what I mean if you haven't seen it. that happens to a lot of people everyday no matter what age they are when a person wants to be sick in the head they will. hope she is careful!
@lekshmic (11)
• United States
5 Jan 10
If I were in your position, I would talk to the guy and check whether he is matured enough. Talk to him freely and get to know his mind. If that too doesnt work talk to her parents.
@cryw0lf (1302)
• United Kingdom
5 Jan 10
I think she should be given some leash to be honest. When i was 15 i dated an 18 year old guy. It wouldn't have screwed me up so much when he ended it if i wasn't suffering from depression. But other then that, it was fine.. (well no not really because he wasn't a 'good' guy, he was abusive etc) so... but i still got good grades, and i learnt a fair bit about relationships. If you converse with her and explain that her parents need to know where she is etc, but its okay for her to see him then i don't see why she wouldn't understand. I mean, my mum gave me leeway so in return i told her where i was, where i was going etc. Whatever you do.. do not talk to the guy. Your cousin will go absolutely crazy if she finds out for one, and depending on whether HE'S mature enough it may end in a bad outcome. If she's mature and old enough to know right from wrong, then she will tell her parents, and they will allow her. Its all about compromise tbh.