Would I be able to help my friend??

India
January 7, 2010 1:29pm CST
This discussion I am going to start with is very important discussion for me because I really need to help my friend.I have a friend whom i met just 7 or 8 months back through another friend who is mutual to both of us.As time goes by we became very good friends like true friends or I can say a friendship without n reason just like brothers.Now me and my friend both drink but we are not addicted to.Also there times we been continuously drinking for nearly two months.Regarding my friend,he's one who has helped me,motivated me,inspired me in every worst situation of mine.Even I got my first job due to him.He's been a helping hand to me at every extent.We both have shared happiness and problems.Now being his friend I feel bad about myself that I am not been able to help him out.Now my friend is a heart-broken guy and its been nearly two years of their broke up but he still loves her.On the other hand he is failing in his career not been able to study because every time he opens a book he only see his ex-girlfriend face.He is not able to concentrate on studies because she's always acting up in his mind.I know first love is hard to forget but love can affect so badly I never thought of.And due to this main reason he's been running off from family too.He loves his family very much but he's scared because he is failing in subjects.And these are the two main reasons why he is been drinking so much no matter who he's been drinking with.I tried my level best to make him come out of all and tried each and every way but the situation is still same.And looking at him I felt bad and so helpless.And I really do not understand how to handle this situation.This is a very sensitive case because he's not the only one,you may find more.And if technically speaking this love hurt is one of the main reason why young generation is in pubs or bars.And this is personnel experience of mine as I have seen a number of cases around as well as I have gone through the same.ANd everytime i try to help him I just come out of only one answer from him "I am what I am".And on the other hand he's crying for this all.And at that moment I feel helpless and hate myself for not been able to do anything.This is not just a topic to discuss about but asking for real help?????
3 responses
• United States
7 Jan 10
I see that you are trying to be a real friend here and that is good. However, people have to be ready and willing to help themselves too. I agree that giving him some space and then trying to get him involved is good advice but if he will not go or do anything, your hands are tied here. Let him know that you are always there for him if and when he is ready but you cannot fix his life for him....he has to be willing to do that for himself. Just remember that you need to have and build your own life too, regardless of what your friend does with his. Best wishes to you!
@tap0991 (2767)
• United States
8 Jan 10
I agree you cannot fix your friends life as much as you would like to. It is all up to your friend to change and you are there to help him through the change. One thing I have learned about this area in time is that it can be very difficult to help and you might find yourself feeling engulfed. When you get in this situation you yourself have to take a break from it, so you can clear your own thoughts and return to help your friend in a better way. After all you might get an answer while you are not trying to get one.
• India
9 Jan 10
Thank you darlene.That's a good advice.I know I have to build my life too but somewhere I am still stuck with the past.Do not know how to move on.BUt I am trying my level best.And I believe I will make it out, may be it would take some more time. But looking at his condition,my hands are tied.I am just trying to make him strong to come out of it......
• India
9 Jan 10
@tap: Thank you friend but you see there is a problem that there is no time to take a break.I just can not run off from the problems to figure it out in ease.I, myself, need to make a change while I am in a problem.I have to face everything coming in my way...
• China
8 Jan 10
I think you are luck to have such a good friend ,and i know you are in trouble .in fact ,everything will go past and one day you will enjoy the friendship ,then ,you will know how to deal with it. have a good time!
• India
9 Jan 10
Friend we are enjoying our friendship every single day no doubt about it.But tell me is there any time left to let the things go past?? and if this goes on would we be enjoying of it while thinking or we going to cry of loosing it.Time never comes back friend.We need to figure it out from the start.Thanks for your advice but the logic is not accepted.
@tap0991 (2767)
• United States
7 Jan 10
There is one thing I don't like when people say about break ups and that is "The time the relationship went on is the same time it will take to get over it." When you get out of a relationship it can be hard and it will take time to change back to your old habits. So one thing I have tried with some of my friends when they break up is let them have some time to their self for a little bit then slowly I get them more active. What I mean is find ways to keep them busy as best you can and if you notice some of your actions might remind them of the person they broke up with then try to avoid reminding them. If you want to help him the first thing I suggest is just talk about what he thinks about everything and when they are talking suggest somethings or try to put something funny in. Then after that start my little plan of action and start getting them away from their sunken mood.
• India
7 Jan 10
Thank you friend.I will try it out too.But keeping him busy is very difficult thing because he hardly listens to anybody.He just do what he want to.Times i am with him,we spent in drinking only.Since he has become my close friend so he shares his problem with me but i just feel helpless because I am too not been able to get out of this problem.But I have managed myself somehow.But when it comes to him I just cant do anything,even I do not why.Plus he gets so serious that putting something funny it seems dangerous.And there's nothing that can keep him busy is only sleep after drinking.That's all.I know once love gone hardly turns back.All i try to do is to take him out of it and make him aware of his career,the most important thing.But see I am just helpless.There should be some other way out?????????? And the biggest problem is that girl is in same college where he is,so she's always in her mind.I know loving somebody like that is not a bad thing but ruining your own career with your own hands and then crying for everything,fears me the most.Cant this madness be overcome by any means??