Betrayal--what's it to you?

@snowcat46 (2323)
United States
January 9, 2010 8:21am CST
Have you ever been betrayed? Describe. How did you handle it? It can be anything. A friend telling your secrets. A co-worker stabbing you in the back. A husband. Anything. I had a best friend. We had lots of fun together, I thought. I told her everything, we read each other's stories, we talked about boys, and so on. I finally began to realize that maybe I wasn't as much of a loser or as bad a writer as she'd been telling me. I used to believe her when she told me my writing sucked and I should quit. I believed her when she told me guys had said nasty things about me. Guys I was interested in. We were friends for years, but I never questioned what she said about things. I tried to be supportive for her, but it got harder and harder to be around her. When we added a third girl to our group, it really started to fall apart. The third girl told me what she'd been saying about me. I didn't believe it, but the friend had been saying horrible things about this third girl to me. Yet she was super nice and spent lots of time with number 3. If 3 was so bad, why was she spending so much time with her. I began to question what she'd been to me for years. I found out, she didn't want the competition. She was supposed to be the soft, womanly ultra-feminine lady. The guys weren't supposed to look at us. We were there only to make her look good. My writing wasn't as bad as she'd been making it out to be. I found that out when one of my stories wound up in a magazine, under her name. I stopped calling her. She never bothered to try to get back together.
1 person likes this
6 responses
@suzzy3 (8365)
11 Jan 10
What a let down that would have broken my heart.I expect it has happened to me but to be quite honest I have three best friends at the moment and thats plenty for me.I can trust them to look out for me and are always encouraging me in what ever I do and I return the feelings as well one of my friends has started up photograpny and I would never say she was no good.I tell her she is a clever girl.Mind you she is good.Most of us are not proffesional in our endeavours and it does not matter you should have sent your writing off to a publishers or emailed a sample and let the experts let you know if it is what they want.Then try another publishers and see what they say.keep trying.What a nasty jealous friend she was.She sounds like a control freak ,glad you are free of her ,she was holding you back.
@snowcat46 (2323)
• United States
13 Jan 10
Thanks for the support. You've never felt betrayed? At work or at home? It could be the simplest things that get to you.
@suzzy3 (8365)
13 Jan 10
I probably was betrayed at work but not anybody of any consequense.So it did not get to me.I have learn't through the years to toughen up in that department.I used to get upset very easily but as soon as the person sees you are upset they will do it all the more.I am pretty laid back these days ,no one upsets me anymore and it they try to I simply stay away from them or bawl them out depends on what mood I am in.Honestly it is not worth raising your blood pressure over.
@savypat (20247)
• United States
9 Jan 10
Betrayal has been my biggest hurt through out me life. I have recently been trying to visit some causes of emotional pain that I have carried through my life and when asked to describe them I have found the common thread of betrayal. Because I use Tapping, I have been trying to revisit the exact situation and tap the pain away. During this exercise I have tried to list all painful incidences that occurred. I only had to tap three of these to have the pain of betrayal go away. Now I understand that betrayal was my interpretation of what was happening not necessarily what someone else would feel. An example was when my baby brother came home after birth. I felt that my parents betrayed me by getting another baby. And ever since when a relationship goes wrong betrayal is what I have felt.
@snowcat46 (2323)
• United States
9 Jan 10
Thank you. I appreciate that you shared that. What is tapping? I've never heard of it. Anything that helps people get over things like that I'd like to know.
@savypat (20247)
• United States
9 Jan 10
Contact me a savy915pat@yahoo.com and I will give you a site and a little explaination about tapping
@bingchen (1126)
• China
10 Jan 10
actually i met this same experience,i find that it is unbelieveble for me to do like that,maybe i could not understand her fully.it is not our error,because we often grow up at painful process and learn us to see her real features and learn to deal with this people.i find that there is not easy to meet real friend in my life,maybe the friendship come through many test and become real friend.but test process is very cruel for everybody.
1 person likes this
@snowcat46 (2323)
• United States
10 Jan 10
Yes it is. Sometimes it's really hard to see a true friend buried in all the other jealous people pretending to be friends. Life can be very cruel.
• Malaysia
10 Jan 10
Shame on her. Obviously, she was a very jealous type of person and insecure. I think she will only feel comfortable with someone whom she looks as weaker than her so that she doesn't have to compete. I have been back stabbed before by a friend/colleague. She reported another friend's working attitude to the boss. I was closer to this friend, but somehow she thought I was the one who complained about her and back stabbed her because coincidentally I was moody at the time she was trying to have a chat and be playful with me. It all happened so fast and too bad the colleague who reported her did nothing to clear the situation. So, it's as if I was the one who was wrong.
1 person likes this
@snowcat46 (2323)
• United States
10 Jan 10
That was a sucky situation. I'm sorry it happened. The one who reported her is probably patting herself on the back for nailing someone and getting it pinned on someone else. The perfect crime. It sucks, but people do it so often.
@JenInTN (27565)
• United States
9 Jan 10
Hi snowcat! I hate to hear about your experience..it's a shame how people will go to all lengths to hurt you or keep another down. Jealousy is a huge problem among female friendships sometimes. I have had to deal with betrayal frequently..in almost every situation that you have mentioned above Except for the husband part..I guess a b/f counts though. Not the one I have now but a former one. I handle betrayal by laughing in it's face. I move on and better myself in spite of the fact that others have tried to bring me down. It is better than any revenge to keep yourself and your happiness intact. Take care.
1 person likes this
@snowcat46 (2323)
• United States
10 Jan 10
Yeah, my hubby has never betrayed me either. But I've had all the others too. I try not to think much about it, but I never give them a chance to get me again. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. They always seem to act like they're shocked at you not wanting them around anymore. After all, you're the one who hurt them. ??? People have such a gift for not seeing their own cruelties. It's all about what you did to them. Sometimes, I almost believe what they say. Until other people tell me the tricks they've pulled on them as well.
@ANTIQUELADY (36489)
• United States
9 Jan 10
U are alot better off with her out of your life. It is a very sad thing for someone to betray u like that but we all have been there done that i would think. Hope u find u a better friend.
@snowcat46 (2323)
• United States
9 Jan 10
I have. What kinds of betrayal have you encountered in your life? How did you get over them?
1 person likes this
@ANTIQUELADY (36489)
• United States
9 Jan 10
I'm glad u have. In 67 years i have had alot of betrayals, friends, my ex-husband & right now my oldest son. U just have to make the best of situations & go on w/your life altho it's not easy when this happens.