Once your child turns 18 when should they move out?

January 27, 2010 1:09am CST
I'm a single mother of 6. I believe once that child turns 18 and displays tendencies to be the adult that they think they are, then its time for them to move out on their own. But what if they keep coming back?
9 responses
@cher913 (25890)
• Canada
28 Jan 10
i dont think this is a bad idea because as kids get older not only do they want more, they want more expensive things and if you shelter them and give them everything they have no concept of what life is really like. i heard of a couple that moved from a large house to a one bedroom condo after their kids left 'the nest' so they wouldnt have room for anyone!!
@deedee328 (1127)
• United States
29 Jan 10
I am not moving to avoid my kids. LOL I used to tell them that for their graduation gifts, I was buying them luggage and a one way ticket for wherever they wanted to go. You are right, you can't shelter them and expect that they will survive in the real world. My son's father used to buy him everything he asked for. It took a long time to make the son understand that he should not expect to have everything just handed to him. I am happy to furnish the necessities and some of the extra curricular stuff, but I think we need to teach our children to work for the little luxuries they get. I am not talking about slave labor. I am saying there is no harm in expecting your child to clean his/her room or help around the yard if they want extra stuff. My kids dad, and my husband have to work to earn the money that is spent on the kids, so I figure the kids should earn what they get.
• Canada
14 Feb 10
I dont believe in pushing my son out the door when he turns 18 and forcing him to face the real world, nor am i going to coddle him. If he chooses to pursue college after highschool, he will be more than welcome to stay with us till he is done, and has found himself a nice stable job. If he chooses to not go to college, obviously i will try to not let this happen, but if it does, he will have responsibilities, and rent to pay, and will have to find a job. But i will not send my kids out if they are not prepared. i.e job, mature, responsible, motivated. Now i understand that at some point you ay have to give them that push, and if comes down to it, i would give my son a little push if i felt it was in his best interest, but i wont let him go out there, thinking he cant come back if something happens and he cant quite cut it on his own yet.
@teamrose (1499)
• United States
30 Jan 10
If the child is 18, not in school or some type of job training, it is time to kick them out or charge market rent. Stop mothering and let your child grow up. Love from a distance.
@deedee328 (1127)
• United States
29 Jan 10
I think it depends on the child. Some are mature enough to go out into the world on their own at 18, and some are not. I had a little problem with my son thinking he was "all grown up" once he turned 18. He and his brother were arguing. The younger one said he was going to tell mom. The older one made the comment that he was 18 now and the law said that mom could not tell him what to do anymore. Being from the "old school of thought", I think as long as you live under my roof, you obey my rules. So needless to say, the boy's comment did not sit well with me. I told him that he was right as far as the law saying I could not dictate to him what to do, but he needed to realize that the law also said I was no longer obligated to feed, clothe, or shelter him. He seen things a little differently after that. It is truly amazing how fast he came around to my way of thinking. LOL I think that at 18, if your child is causing problems in the house, he/she needs to leave. In my case, I have other children, so I did not want the oldest one thinking he could just do anything he wanted to do. As for them coming back, I think your children should know that they can always come home. If you tell them they can never come back, then what do they have as incentive to do better? In my opinion, to say they can't come back is as good as telling them that there is no point in trying to improve their behaviors. You simply can not take hope from them. The then 18 year old is now 20, and he still understands that at mom's house, he still has to obey my rules. Of course, these rules are a little less strict for him than they are for the younger kids. He has to have some room to make his own mistakes and learn from them, afterall, or he won't learn how to be a grown up.
• United States
28 Jan 10
While I don't think most 18 year olds are ready emotionally to move out, I do think it wouldn't be out of line to ask them to begin to pay for some of their upkeep. If you don't want to charge rent, you could ask them to begin to pay a bit towards the groceries - maybe they could bring home milk sometimes, toilet paper, and things like that. They should have to pay for their own clothes, gas, and other things at this point. I have ten children. My first two, both girls, left when they got married, before they were 20. The next child, a boy left home at 20 when he moved to another state for his third year old college. The next one still lives at home, he is 22 now. The next one left home at 18, but he is living with another family and going to college and working. The rest of them are under 18.
@Thoroughrob (11750)
• United States
27 Jan 10
I think that 18 they are not ready, but if they cannot follow the house rules, they need to leave. I do not feel that they are ready, but most will try, and end up back home at least once. I do feel that if they have a job, they should help with the bills, and if they don't they should help take care of things. They do have responsabilities, and it is not a free ride. Welcome to the world of freedom.
@nishdan01 (3055)
• Singapore
27 Jan 10
18 is too small an age to moveout on their own. Some get mature at this point, But education is important. You need to get atleast a degree to get a good job that would pay all the basic bills without struggles. Once they get a good job, then they would never cone back.
@dhysanne (451)
• Philippines
27 Jan 10
If your child is responsible enough to handle things, then that would be the time for them to move out on their own. Most probably his college life will be a training ground for him. Then if he can find work after graduation, he can live his life independently. For now, just train him proper behavior and guide him with his study so that in the future, it won't be hard for you to let him move out on his own.
@jewels49 (1783)
• United States
27 Jan 10
Turning 18 only legally makes then an adult, but rarely does it make them ready for total independence. None of mine were ready to move out at 18 and the one that is currently 18 still has a few months before he graduates from high school. I am of the belief that parenting doesn't end at 18, it just enters a different phase. Most of mine were ready to go by the time they were 19 or 20 and so far none of them have had to come back, if they had, they would have been welcome.