Would you accept an apology sent by a "messenger"?

Philippines
February 2, 2010 11:53am CST
Well for me if he/she is really serious about his apology all the more he/she should confront me and tell it straight to my face. I'm a person who of course knows how to understand so granted that I can see his sincerity, who am I to refuse his apology?? :-) But I just don't like it when an apology, which should supposedly be a sincere and personal one, be sent through a spokesperson or a messenger. It's just kind of.. unethical for me.. What do you think? Do you agree with me? or do you have your own opinions? comments are welcome ;)
6 people like this
37 responses
• United States
3 Feb 10
I agree agree with you that if the apology is sincere then it should be made in person or at least a personal phone call. Otherwise I would not accept it.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
4 Feb 10
Seems like you didn't understand my question. By "messenger" I mean would you accept an apology if another person, maybe a mutual friend was the "messenger" or spokesperson of the apology? Anyway, your answer was quite similar to what I was expecting though.. thanks for responding and God bless
• United States
4 Feb 10
It seems as if you did not understand my response as I understood exactly what you meant by messenger! I said "IN PERSON" a messenger is NOT apologising in person but delivering some from one person to another....so yes I got it!!!
1 person likes this
• United States
4 Feb 10
s/r ...something
1 person likes this
@cerebellum (3871)
• United States
3 Feb 10
To me it wouldn't seem like a sincere apology if someone else was sent to make it. If the person is truly sorry they should say so in person. Sending someone else just doesn't seem right. There are sometimes when it isn't possible. Like if you get in a disagreement with someone from My Lot. You'd never see the person face to face. But in other circumstances I would want to be spoken to directly.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
4 Feb 10
Have you had a conflict with someone here in mylot? :) thanks for responding, take care and God bless ;)
• United States
4 Feb 10
I haven't had a conflict with anyone here, but I read some responses that suggest some other people have.
1 person likes this
@bystander (2308)
• Philippines
3 Feb 10
well, cecillecarmela, what i know about apologies are they are made personally, i.e. to the face of the person or persons offended. but i assure that when it becomes a fad to deliver apologies by "messenger" or even a "forwarder," i'll try to set up a company specializing in that line of service... joke lang... but you cannot apologize through a messenger... even if that messenger is a mutual acquaintance or friend...
• Philippines
4 Feb 10
Hahaha.. this made me laugh but be careful we're not allowed to speak here in our native language :) anyway, thanks for responding and God bless :D
@bystander (2308)
• Philippines
4 Feb 10
that's what they call humor in social networking, cecillecarmela... but it's with a pinch of reality, ha!
1 person likes this
• United States
3 Feb 10
It kind of depends on who it's from... I have a couple of fairly good friends who I really only communicate with through emails and instant messengers so an apology any other way would have to be for something HUGE and I can't even think of anything big enough to warrant them apologizing over the phone or something like that. Mostly, though, I was raised to believe that anyone can say the words "I'm sorry" but you have to truly be sorry in order to show it through your actions. So I'm a firm believer of don't tell me you're sorry, show me.
1 person likes this
• United States
3 Feb 10
And it just occurred to me that by "messenger" you meant other person, not Yahoo! or AIM. LOL The show me thing still applies though.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
4 Feb 10
Hahah.. thanks for responding crimsonladybug ;) take care and God bless
• Philippines
15 Feb 10
INDEED! apology for it to be sincere should be said infront of the person we committed mistakes with, sincerity can be sometimes determined by nonverbal languages we expresses while we talk. sending an apology to a messenger can be okay, maybe he/she is not yet prepared to face you, however, it should be followed the two of you talking, to amend the mistakes and misunderstanding that causes the mistake. maybe, sending an apology thru a messenger is the best that he/she can do at the moment, maybe he/she is not yet prepared to apologize in person, our pride sometimes hinder us to mend our would faster. just give him/her time. take care...
1 person likes this
• Philippines
15 Feb 10
i should say WOUND, and not would. sorry typo error, can happen sometimes
1 person likes this
• United States
5 Feb 10
Yes, if the messenger WAS the Person APOLOGIZING...
1 person likes this
• Philippines
5 Feb 10
Hey thanks for responding :) take care and God bless
@coolcoder (2022)
• United States
5 Feb 10
I would read the message and mull it over, but I probably wouldn't give a response until I saw the person again. If I'm wronged, then I would greatly appreciate it if the person in the wrong actually step up and tell me face-to-face that he/she was wrong. I try not to hold grudges, but if someone hasn't apologized to me, that's something that will stick with me for a while.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
5 Feb 10
Thanks for responding. ;D I agree.. apology through messenger is better than no apology at all :)
• Philippines
4 Feb 10
apology by messenger...how insensitive.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
5 Feb 10
Thanks chippster ;) take care and God bless
@RawBill1 (8542)
• Gold Coast, Australia
3 Feb 10
I agree with you 100%. If someone is truly sorry for their actions and feel the need to apologise then it needs to be done face to face if that is possible and if not then at least via the phone. I feel that both sides of the apology need to be able to feel the emotions of the other persons voice for the apology to be effective and heal the wounds. Sending a messenger is a weak way out of it and shows that they are not really sorry for their actions, they just want to apologise to get past the rift and that is all.
• Philippines
4 Feb 10
hi RawBill.. seems like you didn't understand my question too.. what i mean about "messenger" was a spokesperson.. maybe a mutual friend.. who would rather say the apology than the actual person who has something against you.. ;) anyway thanks for your insights and i truly appreciate it. God bless ;)
• Philippines
3 Feb 10
Hi Cecille! First of all I'm glad to find a fellow Filipina here in MyLot. Anyway, I totally agree with you on that. Apologies are meant to be sincere and personal. Hence, proper delivery plays a significant role in this. Personally for me apologies are best told in person, not through text or chat. It just gives it a feeling of insincerity and lack of seriousness. I'm totally get where you're coming from. Regards.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
5 Feb 10
Thanks pocketrocket ;) take care and God bless
• United States
3 Feb 10
i agree somewhat esp if 2 people are long distance but there are phones emails also some people dont know how to apologize and it may be difficult somewhere it should be done face to face after thru a messenger i believe depends on the situation! but good points!
1 person likes this
• Philippines
4 Feb 10
Thanks for responding icepalace ;) take care and God bless you
@coffeebreak (17824)
• United States
3 Feb 10
I wouldn't. IF they are serious about apolgizing.. they need to do it in person. If they dont, then they aren't that sorry. Period. Messenger just gives the person a way out of having to take responsibility for their own actions. "I can do whatever I want, then send flowers and all is fine with the world". Forget unethical... its just down right rude!
1 person likes this
• Philippines
4 Feb 10
Thanks for responding coffeebreak ;) take care and God bless :-)
• United States
3 Feb 10
i suppose it's better than nothing,but i'd question the sincerity of it. if they were really sorry about something,they can tell me to my face. unless they're afraid of the reaction or something.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
4 Feb 10
Thanks scarlet, take care and God bless
@diyonzi (117)
• Philippines
3 Feb 10
i agree. if the person really is sorry for whatever it is that he/she has done.. it's best to do it personally. It's the sincerest way of apologizing. ;D
1 person likes this
• Philippines
4 Feb 10
Thanks for responding diyonzi ;) take care and God bless
• Pakistan
3 Feb 10
through this we can judge aoure behaviour of each other opology is a good way of understanding communication . we should adopt do understand each other and our close one.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
4 Feb 10
Thanks for responding :) take care and God bless
@junrapmian (2170)
• Philippines
3 Feb 10
As much as possible, I want to accept apology if it is personally asked so that I can see if the the ones asking for apology is sincere or not. However, there are instances, wherein the ones asking for it is in far away places, well, there is the phone so we can talk personally or maybe he is sick or something that he can not come to me. Anyway, personally or through a "messenger" as you have quoted, it is better too give forgiveness to someone who have sinned against you, whether he ask for forgiveness or not. I just don't want to carry a grudge or ill feelings to others, just to have a peace of mind.
• Philippines
4 Feb 10
Thanks for responding junrapmian ;) take care and God bless
@varron (453)
• Philippines
3 Feb 10
This situation is in case to case basis. It depends upon the personalty of the one who made the apology and the degree of you closeness. You should consider what type of personality he or she have. There you can pen point what specific method of communication he would appropriately use to ask for an apology. There are people who are shy, that they don't have the confidence in saying it straight forward, others may also use messengers as a preliminary form to ask for an apology. They might be willing to say it in front of you after you make a sign of forgiveness.Others may also use messengers, first to determine the situation behind your emotions if you are angry with him/her or not. This is in fact sometimes can be considered as a good scenario,it is because it shows a great respect in you, that they can take it to be seen by you personally unless they will be forgiven. Some types of personality may prefer to ask forgiveness in a straight forward manner.They are those people who might have confidence in once self and they are confident that they will be for given. The level of the mistake committed should also be considered whether to use a messenger or not in asking for apology.
• Philippines
4 Feb 10
Great response ;) It's a case-to-case basis really :)
• Philippines
3 Feb 10
an apology must be accepted... because every person deserves forgives... but if the person who ask forgiveness is not the one who really owes you apology then why should i forgive him/her... that person is not serious...
• Philippines
4 Feb 10
Thanks for responding arlene, take care and God bless :)
@kun2349 (23475)
• Singapore
3 Feb 10
Well, it depends on each individual ^_^ SOme are just shy, or they just dun have what it takes to apologize in person ^_^ Whatever it is, as long as they are really sorry about the whole thing, it will be good enough.. Just like most of the time, when we are angry with someone.. We will tend to tell them, we wont wanna see them again.. As such, will they still dare to appear in front of us, and say sorry?? hehe
1 person likes this
• Philippines
4 Feb 10
Thanks for responding kun2349, take care and God bless you :)
1 person likes this
@mutpal74 (314)
• India
3 Feb 10
No because I can not get assure whether he/she really regret for the mistake, It can be assured only by his/her facial expression.
• Philippines
4 Feb 10
Thanks for respondin mutpal,take care and God bless