One foot in the world, One foot in spirit.

I understand your reasons for maybe wondering if god truly exists. And it's hard to believe in something you can't see. And you may hate god for the things that has been allowed into your life. When I was your age I felt the same way. I wasn't sure anymore. I thought he was there. But it felt like he wasn't. And than we started attending this one church and the preacher would not stop pushing on my head/ praying till I spoke in tongues. Because he was starting to hurt me I just chanted anything and he stopped lol. That made me even more so believe there wasn't a God or at least not in that church. But finally I got my answer. I came down really really sick. And I can't remember hwo to spell the body part. a pendasetisis attack. A part almost with the stomach I believe. And I had really bad bad pains. LIke you felt like someone was just ripping you apart. I told my mom what was going on. She got really concerned. So they prayed over me. It went away for a little. I was thankful. But not even an hour later the pain was even worst than before. Meaning I couldn't walk I couldn't stand I couldn't move without pain. Even not moving was painful just not so much. My mom and dad took me to the doctors or the emergency room. They told me my penda.... thing had to be removed. And if it wasn't I'd surely die. My mom looked at me and said ok let's do it. Being the stubborn girl I was I looked at my mom and the doctors. I told them "No I don't want too." "But honey you have to your you'll die." "Mom I will not have the operation and if it's my time to go than it's my time." My mom looked shocked. "What do you want to do than?" "let's pray." My mom, dad and I closed our eyes and prayed. At that time I believe my dad was an atheist as well. It was weird we prayed and my body just felt like it disappeared. My mom said she heard a grunt from me. I don't remember. I opened my eyes I felt fine. I told my mom and day "let's go home." The doctors said we have to have this operation. I said "I'm fine let's go home." They felt the spot they did before. And a puzzled look in there eyes. They ran me thru all the tests again I was fine. The pain wasn't there no more. The issues wasn't there. Not anything. They even kept me over night too. They checked my blood so often I remember having black and blues on both arms. My point is God does exist. You may not feel that he's around when you are having a bad time. Or something horrible has happen. ANd you feel like you have no control. But God does care for us and picks us up when we fall. He never gives us more than what we can handle. Each thing that happens to us is a trial with God's love. It's a way for us to learn and grow. I do hope you find this wonderful God of ours and never let him go. And you may think that people who are atheist are happier most times it's just a show. They act like they are perfect and they are happy but there not it's jsut something they show people. To make you feel guilty for being a christain. It's a way the devil can get into your life and turn you over to him. So don't buy it just take your steps wisely and with courage and faith.