One foot in the world, One foot in spirit.

United States
February 3, 2010 12:28am CST
I've been raised in a Christian family and have been going to church all my life, but at the beginning of middle school year I began to question the existence of God. He seemed like an excuse for all things we fear in this world. In freshmen of highschool(I am currently a sophomore), I've began to stray towards atheist and maybe even satanist. I hated God and all things related to church, however, recently I've been to a retreat, and after a boost(spiritual high) I've began to question again. When I take a look around, I see that more atheist people seem to be more happy with their lives than Christian, and also that the christian in my life seem to be very hypocritical. I wondering on some advice, in which that would maybe help me experience God more.
1 response
@neededhope (1086)
• United States
3 Feb 10
I understand your reasons for maybe wondering if god truly exists. And it's hard to believe in something you can't see. And you may hate god for the things that has been allowed into your life. When I was your age I felt the same way. I wasn't sure anymore. I thought he was there. But it felt like he wasn't. And than we started attending this one church and the preacher would not stop pushing on my head/ praying till I spoke in tongues. Because he was starting to hurt me I just chanted anything and he stopped lol. That made me even more so believe there wasn't a God or at least not in that church. But finally I got my answer. I came down really really sick. And I can't remember hwo to spell the body part. a pendasetisis attack. A part almost with the stomach I believe. And I had really bad bad pains. LIke you felt like someone was just ripping you apart. I told my mom what was going on. She got really concerned. So they prayed over me. It went away for a little. I was thankful. But not even an hour later the pain was even worst than before. Meaning I couldn't walk I couldn't stand I couldn't move without pain. Even not moving was painful just not so much. My mom and dad took me to the doctors or the emergency room. They told me my penda.... thing had to be removed. And if it wasn't I'd surely die. My mom looked at me and said ok let's do it. Being the stubborn girl I was I looked at my mom and the doctors. I told them "No I don't want too." "But honey you have to your you'll die." "Mom I will not have the operation and if it's my time to go than it's my time." My mom looked shocked. "What do you want to do than?" "let's pray." My mom, dad and I closed our eyes and prayed. At that time I believe my dad was an atheist as well. It was weird we prayed and my body just felt like it disappeared. My mom said she heard a grunt from me. I don't remember. I opened my eyes I felt fine. I told my mom and day "let's go home." The doctors said we have to have this operation. I said "I'm fine let's go home." They felt the spot they did before. And a puzzled look in there eyes. They ran me thru all the tests again I was fine. The pain wasn't there no more. The issues wasn't there. Not anything. They even kept me over night too. They checked my blood so often I remember having black and blues on both arms. My point is God does exist. You may not feel that he's around when you are having a bad time. Or something horrible has happen. ANd you feel like you have no control. But God does care for us and picks us up when we fall. He never gives us more than what we can handle. Each thing that happens to us is a trial with God's love. It's a way for us to learn and grow. I do hope you find this wonderful God of ours and never let him go. And you may think that people who are atheist are happier most times it's just a show. They act like they are perfect and they are happy but there not it's jsut something they show people. To make you feel guilty for being a christain. It's a way the devil can get into your life and turn you over to him. So don't buy it just take your steps wisely and with courage and faith.
• United States
3 Feb 10
I got shivers down my spine while reading your story, and I feel good for your recovery, but I've heard a lot of stories, and miracles. I prayed and still pray that I would be able to see or experience a miracle myself. I believe your story, and I believe that in a way there is God. However, I just don't know how to call out to him. I want to, in a way, set a test for him to confirm my curiosity, but in the bible it says not to test him, and to only ask for things that are not for self-fish reasons. I say that trying to confirm my belief in him is not self-fish, but there must be a reason why they're not happening. This Sunday, my pastor told me to pray for 3 things that I want and write it down, and this is kind of my final test(?) for him. My prayer request are that: I get a job in one try, one interview, I get my license in one try, and that I can still get into UCLA. (I've recently gotten a "D" in Spanish T_T). So, I will be praying with the little faith that I have left, of these three things.
• United States
3 Feb 10
Well in those things that you asked for God can only take you so far. But you have to believe in yourself as well. Meaning God can open an opportunity for you for a job but first you have to apply for the job and make a really great resume and also prepare for that first job interview. Secondly same thing with getting your license. In order for you to pass the first time you have to study hard and also practice. Lastly getting into the school you want well God again can only take you so far. I'd pray for different things. First for God to grant you the opportunity of a job to come into your path. Meaning being at the right place and the right time for the opportunity. Secondly pray that god protects you and gives you the things nessarcy to pass the job interview. Basically pray for the things that will make you better and stronger as a person. And also never pray for patence because that... Patience is one of those things you never pray for. Because you'll be tested or thrown trials to from God. God will bless your life you just have to let him in full heartly. And when I pray I usually pray for others. But when I pray for myself of finances or personal issues God always comes. Just open your heart and your heart will lead the path to God. It will happen some day for you just remember our God is amazing and open your eyes a bit more and I'm sure you'll see some things in your life that he has done for you that you didn't see before.
• United States
3 Feb 10
Thanks and I'll really try to be more open about my Christian life, as for my prayer requests, of course I'll still be trying to get those, as best as I can :P, but still it says that without God you're nothing, so yeah, maybe boost my chances a little more? :D