Have You Had Any Weird Kisses That Were Just..Well...Wrong?!

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I don't like to blow my own trumpet here (well, maybe just a bit) but I have been told many times over the years that I am a good kisser..and most blokes I have kissed have been rather good at it too, which is why I went out with them in the first place.Anyway, I realise that not everyone is perfect in this area and would just like to share a couple of experiences I had of "dodgy" kissing. Please do not take it too seriously as it is designed to make you laugh (hopefully). The first kiss was way back in about 1986. I know this because I haven't done my 1986 diary yet for my blog...anyway, this chap walked me home from the pub and I invited him in for a chat...which we did, amazingly! Later he told me that he had to go home so he led me outside, presumably for a nice kissing session. How wrong could I be? He started off OK. Lips to lips, nothing heavy. Then he decided to open his mouth wide, forcing me to open mine and proceeded to grind his teeth against my teeth. The noise was like something out of the dentists and it hurt too! Once I pulled myself away I asked him, "What was that all about?" and he just laughed and went home. Needless to say I never went out with him again!The second kiss was far, far away in a place called Norwich. The guy I had gone to meet I knew from Dateline (don't laugh) the dating agency that got me fixed up with some right weirdos I can tell you. Anyway, I paid a fortune to travel on a Friday on the train to Norwich from Blackpool. It's miles and miles away. Stuart (the guy in question) was there to greet me at Norwich Station. As soon as I sat in his car he placed his hand on my lap as he was driving. Oh dear! I thought. Not a good start. I did trust him though...just about. In his house I met his friend and we all chatted before this friend decided he had to leave. I mouthed to him "Don't leave me with him!" but he shrugged and out the door he went. Stuart put on that Michael Jackon History CD on his ace Pioneer hi-fi (the best part of my trip so it turned out) and he sat next to me on the couch. Then he kissed me. Now, Stuart had a moustache, which is fine, I can cope with them. But he pressed it really hard against my face like a piece of carpet, it was horrible. Then the kiss itself was...well, weird as he kept making these sucking sounds and drawing breath out of me whilst he was doing it. By the time he'd finished my face was red raw and covered in spit. It was, honestly! It itched too. Not pleasant. Fortunately, he sulked a bit when he realised that I didn't fancy him (and he didn't fancy me either) so we mutually parted once he got me on the train a couple of days later. I do hope both the guys mentioned above have found true happiness. Stuart had been married and divorced but the children were with his ex. He was a nice guy, despite his er, failings. When I was 18 I kissed a guy at his house. Very sensual it was. Do you know what he said afterwards? He said, "That's the best thing that's ever happened to me without doing it!"Story of my life lol. Ultimate compliment though.