Step parent needing help?????

Honestly there is a lot of issues on the plate that need to be addressed beforehand which may not really a good situation for anyone involved in my opinion. I would seek a family therapist because your obstacles are not normal family situations. I would think that you would want a normal of a life as possible, lol. You cannot make a child obey you or like you. There has to be respect from everyone involved. Take aside your needs and look at the needs of everyone involved. Look at the pros and cons. You cannot have the police at your house every time the child is unhappy. That does not look good at all when they start coming to your home because a child is unhappy. They eventually will want to investigate to see if there is a problem in the household. The households needs to set boundaries. No one can tell you what you should or should not do about your situation. That is something that you will have to come on your own. It sounds like you have to have written authorization to live in your household when she comes to visit. If you avoid her then there is alienation of affection and may not want to come visit. The child may not want anyone invading her space and by you being there she is not the center of attention when she visits. I do not know. A child wants their mom and dad to be together forever, that's no secret. You can try asking her what she wants or would like to happen in your relationship with her. I strongly suggest a therapist because you do not know what can arise from this exploration of feelings and emotions. Its a hard situation all the way around. I wish you the best and congratulations.