Neat vs Not Neat! Would a Marriage Between Opposites in Neatness Survive??

@artistry (4156)
United States
February 14, 2010 1:36pm CST
Some of us are neat, others are not. Do you think a marriage between one who is a neat nik and one who is not, survive? How hard do you think it would be for one to tolerate the other? Are you in such a relationship? Can love conquer all? Let us know your thoughts.
6 responses
@MsTickle (24593)
• Australia
21 Feb 10
The expectation here is that the untidy one change and become neat or the tidy one become untidy...the likelihood of that....zilch, zip, nada. So the next expectation is compromise. How does that work? Well, I'm not quite sure. My belief is that everyone should pitch in and help get the chores done but who gets to say enough is enough...enough for the untidy one would still leave things untidy, too much so for the tidy one. Bottom line, the tidy one ends up doing all the work and slowly, bit by bit, the resentment and intolerance builds and then one day they explode and something dire happens. That's a whole other discussion.
@artistry (4156)
• United States
21 Feb 10
...Hi MsTickle, You have probably laid out a reality based scenario. The neat one is probably going to be the female in the relationship. Then, since it is the female who usually winds up cleaning up and such anyway, unless it is a very progressive thinking, willing to share the chores, male. So she then gets to do double duty in the marriage. I don't think that would last for long. There are those who will grind it out for the sake of "love", but it will have to be very strong love and not luv "o). For couples in this type relationship, best if they live together to see if they can take one another's habits before they tie that proverbial knot. If they make it for a year, then good, think about marriage, but then try one more year, survive that, then go for pre-marriage counseling, if they still have the sun in their eyes, maybe they can book the chapel. Thanks for laying out the real deal. Take care.
@junrapmian (2172)
• Philippines
18 Feb 10
The best thing to do is to tell him what you want. Teach him to be organized in his belongings. Maybe, that's the way he used to be when he was still single and he had grown up in that set-up. Now is the time that he must learn how not to be messy in anything. Though I agree that it is always the woman who always cleans the mess at home, please do tell him that you still have other chores to do and you do not want to waste your time picking up all his mess. Maybe in time, he will learn how to clean up, just be patient.
@artistry (4156)
• United States
18 Feb 10
...Hi there junrapmian, Your comment is interesting, it may be what would be needed to help a person understand that they may need to adjust a bit and become more organized or less messy as the case may be. But sometimes, it is impossible for people to change their ways and the other person, if they love the individual enough, has to accept them and try to tolerate the difference between the two of them. It is possible to live with them and hope that one day they will change. Take care. Thanks for your excellent advice.
@veejay19 (3592)
• India
15 Feb 10
My younger brother who is married since the last 25 years is very neat and likes to keep his things in order.Exactly opposite is my sis-in-law who is chronically untidy when it should have been the reverse.The reason is that during her childhood she used to fling her things about, but her parents instead of teaching her to tidy up would do the tidying up themselves. She carried this habit in her marriage with my brother. My brother now routinely tidies up her and his things and their marriage has lasted inspite of her habit. I suppose one or the other has to adapt and resign to circumstances otherwise there will be frequent quarrels and strife which could result in a breakup.The very fact that their marriage has lasted for 25 years shows that this habit has not made any dent in their relationship and will definitely go the full monty.
@artistry (4156)
• United States
15 Feb 10
...Hi veejay, I like that, the full monty. There you have the perfect example, if you love someone and care about them, the fact that they have habits that are so against your grain, does not cause you to want to leave them. It can be done, as I am sure others are doing the same ting, being tolerant because of love. Also veejay, I have to disagree, it is not always the female who is the neat one, maybe the majority are, but I am in your sister-in-law's camp. "o). Thanks for your interesting response. Take good care.
@SomeCowgirl (32277)
• United States
14 Feb 10
My husband is more particular about things then I am. Then again, some of the things I am particular about he really isn't. It's kind of odd but it works for us. I let him kind of control our room, he puts things where he wants them, that doesn't bother me. I like to move furniture around but it's been so long since I have, that it's not really bothering me there either. I guess you could say when I first met him I knew how particular he was.
1 person likes this
@artistry (4156)
• United States
15 Feb 10
...Hi there SomeCowgirl, Hope you are doing well. It is wondeful when each person in a relationship can see and understand that the differences between the two of them are not as important as the similiarities, the care and love they have for each other. I don't think any two people are going to be the same in all their attributes, besides that, it would be very boring. You found a good solution that works for both of you, that's the important thing. Take care and thanks.
@1anurag1 (3585)
• India
14 Feb 10
I do agree with you. even many marriages come to an end due to these conflicts of habits. i think in the world no two people have the same habits. but any relation is based on the compromises they do and learn with each other. if both of the person accepts each other and would like to improve i think there is a solution otherwise not.
1 person likes this
@artistry (4156)
• United States
15 Feb 10
...Hi there 1anurag1, I think that you are absolutely correct, there are always differences between two people in a relationship. Some larger than others, but as you say if the two people are able to come to a compromise on whatever their differences are, they will be able to work it out. Depending on how strong the relationship is, I think they can reach an agreement. Thanks so much for your input. Take it easy.
• United States
14 Feb 10
I am not married to the guy yet, but I'm in this situation. We have been very good friends since 4th grade and have dated for 4 and a half years now. He is the very messy one and I'm the neater one. Some days I can tell you, are a horror show between us. I normally will just walk behind him and pick up anything that is left behind or out of place. The other days I throw a fit with him for not being able to throw a dirty shirt in an open hamper. That's I guess too hard for him! When I get in a rage he will say that he is sorry and help me clean the house, this is his way to make it up to me. But over the 4 years that we have been together I still love him like the first day we met. He is a very kind person and cares about me. He is just on the messy side which I hope someday, my clean side will rub off on him. Wish me luck with that! LOL
@artistry (4156)
• United States
15 Feb 10
...Hi ben87333angel, That is the crucial part of the whole thing, you love him in spite of it all. If you can't get along with a person on the big things, your goals, your values in life, then the fact that you both are neat or you both are not neat does not matter. Neatness will not keep you together, caring about each other will. When you guys get married, hopefully, give him a room to himself where he can be as carefree as he wants, "o) without being bothered, if he keeps the rest of the house neat. That's what I used to say I wanted, as I am very junky. I function out of a state of organized confusion. Take care, don't try to change him, some of us are inherently junky, try to increase your tolerence level. It may start to be like white noise. He will try to change, but keep loving him as he loves you. Take good care.