Is it OK to be back with your EX?

@anc457 (186)
Thailand
February 21, 2010 9:54pm CST
i don't know how we broke up that was two years ago already. but we end up friends, sometimes dduring the past two years we still see each other over dinner or coffee. now i'm seeing someone else, "my ex" has another but they're breaking up soon. "my ex" promised to make contact with me as soon as they'll be off. and i think am still into "my EX". my relationship with "the one am seeing" now is also at storm - [caught "the one am seeing now" with another - i think that hurts. will it be OK if me and my EX will be together again? or is there a possibility? hmmmm
2 people like this
18 responses
@akijoaru (32)
22 Feb 10
Life is full of never ending possibilities. People will always have their says whether it is okay or not. I believe that the real question here is that whether you are ready to commit with him again if ever he asks you to be with him again or not. You maybe asking this question now but I think you already know the answer but afraid to put it in action because you are not sure of the end result. I believe that we all have the right to be happy so whatever happens may the end result be good or bad, at least you can tell yourself that what you did made you feel good. Besides, when wee are done eating something, it doesn't necessarily mean we can't buy the same thing anymore. :P
@anc457 (186)
• Thailand
22 Feb 10
well actually am still hesistant about it, i dont know what will it bring me? am just thinking if i feel good will it be OK? what about being hurt will it still be apart of the "feeling good" or just let the future tell.
22 Feb 10
Once you say you are ready and willing to commit with him again, then you should also brace yourself to be hurt. Yes it's a part of it but you also have a choice whether you drive the frustrations or let it drive you. Again, in every thing in life you always have a choice. If one doesn't fit, try the other.
• Philippines
22 Feb 10
actually right now, my ex wants me back. i cn accept him as i also love him besides he proved to me that he really feel sorry about what happened and i know that he loves me too. but i know i cant accept him coz im pregnant with my current bf though the guy left me without a words. and i dont know id my ex will going to accept me if he found out that i m pregnant.
@anc457 (186)
• Thailand
22 Feb 10
Really appreaciate your sharing homeshoppers, that's a little complicated, but if your ex really loves you he could accept your condition.
22 Feb 10
I agree... If your ex really wants you that bad then he must be ready take all the responsibilities of having you back to his life.
@natjohn20 (201)
• Philippines
22 Feb 10
Maybe!, I don't know about you but for me Its not OK to get back with my ex once again because if I were to get back with my Ex girlfriend the situation that happened before we break up will once again repeat the whole situations and problems that occurred when we were still together at that time, we might fight again or have some problems again and I don't like it. Its all up to you my friend if you really love your ex girlfriend you might as well go back to her again because you are happy with her than with the other girls that your going out with, follow your heart and mind what is telling you make sure you'll think it before you decide to go back with your ex. : )
@anc457 (186)
• Thailand
22 Feb 10
that's one thing that s bothering me, as the saying says history repeats itself, maybe (or not) it will happen again, we just don't know unless we try. thanks natjohn20 for the advice.
• Philippines
22 Feb 10
No problem anc467! ^ ^
@sree1412 (208)
• India
23 Feb 10
Dont b confused jus sit sit with ur ex and ask him whethre he really loves u r nt and u also please give it thought and jus dont break up relationship with ur present boyfriend.So its k if u get back 2 yr ex bt make sure tat tis time u people dont break up again.
@anc457 (186)
• Thailand
23 Feb 10
that's the problem am not sure of not breaking up again, that's what worries me.
• Philippines
23 Feb 10
I think you can answer it by your self. If the love is still there, why not. However, it should be on the next level so you wont end up breaking again. You should have a serious talk before being on a relationship with him or her. Learn to understand and forgive the things that happened in the past. On my part, I have this ex gf who until now my heart belongs. I'm also thinking of the posibility for us to be together but I think twice since I dont want to hurt my self again in the end if our relationship didn't work.
@anc457 (186)
• Thailand
23 Feb 10
really difficult to decide if you're in the situation, it might be that the hurt will be doubled the second time around.
@kieszha (18)
• Philippines
23 Feb 10
great discussion. i think all of of us has a freedom to love and to be loved... go on on what you think is ryt and will make you happy... love is lovlier the 2nd tym around...???? not so sure!!!!
@anc457 (186)
• Thailand
23 Feb 10
i've heard that saying and would love to try hehehe but hmmm true really not sure.
• United States
23 Feb 10
I think you need some time alone, you may not be thinking straight because you are hurt because your current boyfriend cheats on you, this a profound hurt for any person, at those moments we don't think with our right mind, and we can make bad decisions, you need to spend some time alone and really think what do you want, it is evident that you have some unresolved issues with your Ex, first think what were the things that let you and your ex to broke up, think if he has change, think if he hasn't if you would be able to live with that.
@anc457 (186)
• Thailand
23 Feb 10
i have the tendency to decide at the spur of the moment, most likely at times that am hurt. thanks for the advice, i really need to spend time alone. i've ask a lot of friends and heard yes and no all of them have each point - it still drives me crazy maybe spending time alone will i have to do.
@lucy02 (5017)
• United States
22 Feb 10
I would first think about the reasons that you broke up in the first place. Is the problem still there? If it is you might want to consider that. I know people that have gotten back with their ex and the same problems that broke them up before start coming back. If you do I think counseling might be a good idea before you start getting serious with him again.
@anc457 (186)
• Thailand
23 Feb 10
i might consider the idea of counseling, been along time since i visited a guidance counselor. thanks lucy02
@Bearballew (1149)
• United States
22 Feb 10
wow. I would say that you all need to break up. Then give yourself a MONTH to process your feelings. Don't talk or Face book or anything for a month. Then start investigating your feelings for each other and why you have them. Are those feelings based on anything lasting? Why did you break up? There is a book about 100 questions to ask before you say "I DO". I would write quite a few down and go through them if you can't find the book. Don't repeat mistakes.
@anc457 (186)
• Thailand
23 Feb 10
that's a great idea Bearballew, it's been a long time since i use my pen a notebook. used to write things before but just these years ive been very busy for that, maybe i need time for sorting things out and not rush into because opportunity is knocking. you're right, might not last long if we fast track everything. thanks.
@hawkida (52)
• London, England
22 Feb 10
It sounds like you're both drawn to each other and you have the opportunity. Do you think the same problems you faced before will happen again? If not, then go for it. But tread carefully - have you changed that much since you broke up? Are you just getting back together for nostalgia reasons?
@anc457 (186)
• Thailand
23 Feb 10
yup i guess thats what's going to happen. and opportunity if opportunity let it pass maybe it will never come again. the reason why we broke up is just a simple, tiny misunderstanding, maybe that's the reason why we still became friends after the talk we had about the problem why we broke up. after the talk both of us never asked if we can be together again, we just love the company of being with each other for a year having a friendly dates, after a year and a half my ex found somebody else, that's the only time i realized i need someone else as well.
• Philippines
22 Feb 10
as long as both of you are not currently in a relationship, yes you may see each other as often as you want, but if any of you is committed, even as "friends" you should not go out together and sort of "date" each other because the feeling you don't want to have when you cheat your partner will be the same as the feeling of the current partner of your ex. That is very sad and painful, I know you know what I mean..
@anc457 (186)
• Thailand
22 Feb 10
yup it's kinda odd situation indeed, actually we did have dates in the past few years (after break up) sometimes we go out with friends. or sometimes just the two of us. would that mean we we're cheating on our present partners all these years. i mean we just had "friendly dates" - i know if our present will come to know about it, i don't know what they'll think, but honestly nothing happened on those dates just coffee, dinner and sometimes at the bar- yeah you're right it might be sad and painful indeed. but what can i do? :-)
@Genericbe (1378)
• Philippines
22 Feb 10
The main question there for me about your situation is "Would your love for your EX be still the same at present"? that will answer your question. Since, both of you tried to be yourselves after the break up. It is more of a realization for both of you if presently, you are still in love with each other even things had changed. It must not be a condition of once someone has ended a present relationship will mean an assurance that he do love you because it is a condition. Which supposedly when a person is in love, should not give conditions but hopes for a better relationship especially when you want to work things out again this time. It is your own choice if you will accept the proposal to give love the second time around. The questions there is are you ready to start it again and able to forget the past bad things that had happened. If yes, then you are free to go back again to him as long you are happy and contented with him. but, if in your heart, there are doubts about entering again a relationship with him, then this is the time to think it wisely about your plans in life. For me, if my Ex is worth having again. I will not doubt things but I will tell him honestly what I feel so that whenever we go things together again. It will be much better this time than before we had.
@anc457 (186)
• Thailand
22 Feb 10
Thanks for sharing your thoughts genericbe. we'll i do still love my EX i guess, my friends always tells me that i'm much happier if im with "my Ex". we shant put conditions indeed with relations, but what is the thing happend will be repeated. Maybe am just afraid of being hurt again. we'll people always say past is past, it's true we cant bring back the past, it happend already but we may tend to repeat history. that's why am a little bothtered now thinking the "what ifs..." but again, i can't answer those what ifs unless i'll try. thanks for sharing your words of wisdom genericbe.
@ghieptc (2525)
• Philippines
22 Feb 10
In my opinion if it's done it's done, past is past. You shouldn't longer live or go back what's in the past unless you let it happen or giving a reason to happen again and again. And it's up to you if you make friends with him/her, it's all up to you even I give my opinion or suggestion what you're going to do.
@meldred (94)
22 Feb 10
if you feel that you still love him why not.
@anc457 (186)
• Thailand
22 Feb 10
thanks for the encouragement meldred
@happy2512 (1266)
• Philippines
22 Feb 10
Its not impossible to be in good terms with your ex again for the feelings is always there just dormant inside our heart & just waiting to be activated again. So if you can accept him back to be your lover & willing to undergo the same heartache at different version then its not impossible to be together again as long as you are happy being with him.
@anc457 (186)
• Thailand
22 Feb 10
thanks happy2512, we'll that's what am afraid of expecting new heartaches the future relation will bring.
@eLsMarie (4148)
• Philippines
1 Mar 10
i think as early as now, you should break up with your current lover because it'll definitely be unfair on his/her to expect that you feel the same way for him/her. you shouldn't forget the reason why both of you decided to break up because it's possible that when both of you decided to be lovers again, you'll end up breaking each others' heart again because of a same mistake.
• Philippines
28 Feb 10
theres nothing wrong of giving your ex a second chance specially if they have a valid reason why they need to go. in my ex part, he was able to give out reason why and he even showed how sorry he was and i really can see it. and so right now im thankful to have him as he really showed how he love and care for me and so why not to give him a second chance.
@srganesh (6350)
• India
22 Feb 10
How did you forget the reason for your previous break with your ex?Only if there was a valid reason,you would have broken the relationship.If that can be repaired now,you can have him again.Otherwise,try to live a life without any boyfriend for the time being and concentrate on your works.