Do you pick partners by how well off they are?
By newtalent
@newtalent (1112)
United States
February 27, 2010 5:02pm CST
We had this discussion about how we pick our mates or what we look for in a mate. I was shocked to hear that some of my friends wanted a person that was well off and could take care of them first, then basically love will come after, period. If they had children and split they knew they would have a pretty penny to live off of while raising their children. I mean right down to doing the math. I was stunned. What are your first questions you ask this potential person, where do you work and how much do you make? Let me see your bank account. What? What do you think is this normal behavior in these trying times?
7 responses
@hofferp (4734)
• United States
28 Feb 10
If money isn't an important factor, then why do so many marriages fail due to...money. I've had to console two very good friends this past month because their marriages of 27 and 23 years were falling apart. The reason...money. In one case, one partner spent their retirement money; in another case, one partner didn't "pull his weight (money)". "Love" will only get you so far in a marriage, then you better have some agreement on money. It might be stunning or sad or awful or ... to some, but it's also the real world.
@newtalent (1112)
• United States
28 Feb 10
If they made it this long then it had to love. Bless their hearts for making this long. Money is important to survive I will give you that. Somewhere communication fell apart and each person did not voice their opinion or concerns in the matter. I would be highly upset if my partner spent our money frivolously and did not say anything until now. I would also be more involved in finances so this would not come as a surprise. I hope they can work it out. They spent a lifetime together. Its hard to find someone and start over. Definitely ,you must have plan on money expenditures and saving. I am not saying its not important. I am asking would go after money first or love? Thanks for your insight and contribution. Its definite an eyeopener for the person in the long run of a relationship.
@hofferp (4734)
• United States
1 Mar 10
Unfortunately, I think the 27-year marriage is over. Money was a sore spot for years, and it finally came to a head when one announced "Honey, I've spent our retirement". The 23-year marriage may still make it...both are in counseling. You hit another nail on the head with your comments about communication...there was a major break-down in communications in both cases. What's sad is they all still love each other and "will until I die", but love just wasn't enough apparently.
@shadowkissed14 (92)
• Philippines
28 Feb 10
Nope, I usually pick guys who basically is on the same wavelength as me.However if you are on the verge of wanting to have a family of your own, it is best if the guy you are going to pick will be able to help you on the financial side.Sure love and friendship is the foundation of most relationships but if the guy is of no help to you or does not even offer to share half of the expenses then it will just mean trouble to you in the future.
@newtalent (1112)
• United States
28 Feb 10
I agree that you have to have a plan when deciding to be with someone for the rest of your life. You cannot live on love alone. You have to set reasonable and attainable goals. I want to be happy , safe, and secure. I also know there will be ups and downs. Communication is a big factor, when you lose that its pretty much over before it starts. Financial goals have to be there to. A person needs to know where they are going and what they want before they can engage in a relationship with another person. taking a risk is exciting but not practical. Thanks for replying.
@se7enthbird (8307)
• Philippines
28 Feb 10
that is easier said than done. some people truely has that perception but in the long run falls for a person who is not well to do but love them. love is more on a caring and feeling that you can no longer care what he is or his bank account standing. plus people who are wealthy has high standard as well. you have to look like a hollywood actor.... just my opinion.
@newtalent (1112)
• United States
28 Feb 10
Appearances can be deceptive. It is hard to upkeep the lifestyle on a budget. But I have friends that will not give guys the time of day no matter how nice or genuine they are. I have to like you before I can get involved with you. I just found it difficult to hear these girls talk about finances versus affection. Yes you have to be stable income as well but that being number is not my priority. I also like to think that I am my own person. Not a bill on payroll. I would think that would get old after a while.I do not know what they are thinking. Maybe they will see light soon enough, who knows. Thanks for your input.
@kaylachan (59175)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
27 Feb 10
I think its stupid to try and do something like that. I mean seriously. I can understand the fear that grips people especially now during such trying times as this, but come on. I would not date someone based on how much money they do, or do not have. I may be insecure, but not so much so that needing to rely on another's money is priority.
I'm with someone, and I love him. It has nothing to do with our finical status. It has to do with how much we love each other and care about one another. And, that's all it should be about. Never how much you do or don't have. We aren't rich by any strech, and we are barely getting by, but we are happy. We have a roof over our heads, water, and heat as well. Those are more important to me then anything.
What counts in a partner is how you feel about one another, not what's in the bank.
@newtalent (1112)
• United States
28 Feb 10
Thank you. I am with you. Money does not make you happy. It may make it more comfortable for a good while, but the feeling of being loved and needed will make a relationship as this type not last for very long. Then to have children its a recipe for disaster in my opinion. People need to think things through especially when it comes to concocting a plan that has the potential of harming more individuals then themselves. Its sad. Thanks for replying.
@divineathena (1746)
• United States
27 Feb 10
I have been with both poor and rich guys. So yes, money is not issue for me. However, I have realized that being with someone who is of equal class (mine) makes the relationship much better. It is because it helps them blend together well.
I have seen that I usually ask the man what is his major since I am in school. I have noticed that this question is quite useful in identifying whether the man is confident or not. I have come across someone who told me he did not know what he wanted to be. I still dated him. However, soon I found out that he was extremely confused about life. So I suppose the very first time when he said he didn't know what he wanted to be I should have rejected him.
But when it comes to the bank account thing, I prefer someone who likes saving for a rainy day since that is how I am also with mine. However, I totally hate the idea of being taken to a fine restaurant and all since I do not sell myself.
@newtalent (1112)
• United States
28 Feb 10
Yes, I have to at least like the guy before I can spend any time with him. I also have to have something in common with him too. He has to work and show some stability. I like the self-employed individuals more some reason. I guess because they can make their own schedules and can rearrange them when needed. I want the person to be themselves not an act that you are selling to be attracted to me or vice-versa. Thanks for replying
@jstrx_24 (40)
• Philippines
27 Feb 10
if it is a matter of love and commitment, it wouldn't matter if your partner is well off or not because in the long run, you will be able to manage.
but if it's about practicality and securing your future, i guess it would matter especially if you have an extravagant lifestyle.
@newtalent (1112)
• United States
28 Feb 10
I must be a romantic or something. I would want the love and affection prior to the financial status. I mean we all have different views and concerns. I am self - sufficient and I do not want to be a puppet on a string or have him be that puppet on a string. Strings can be broken when they are pulled to tight. Thanks.
@Chad525 (349)
• Canada
28 Feb 10
Love is love.
If you truly love somebody, the amount of money each has shouldn't be an issue. If you are truly in love, you'll get through anything.
Granted yes, having more money does make life easier - but does it make you happier? I doubt it.
