March 16, 2010 11:08pm CST
i dont really care if thats a "real" word or not.. i used it tonight and i like it so now it is. *nod* i started a discussion earlier about my being called a sexist. at the time.. i found it semi humorous.. until i started reading the responses and really thinking. which always gets me into trouble really.. i analyze everthing.. but i digress. in my analyzations.. of myself..my world..my life in this area.. i realized just how much of an unappreciated little slave ive really been. im told it isnt my fault for not seeing it before. its all ive ever known, its how i was brought up, taught.. conditioned. im thinking otherwise. im a highly intelligent person. i have an IQ well past the genius marker. im well spoken, motivated, rather thoroughly self educated and ive got one hell of a sparkling personality. i should know better. how could i have NOT seen the way things were until someone slapped me in the face with such a random off handed comment? am i THAT screwed up in the brains to have accepted things as OK for 40 years that now seem so very not? genius my aunt tilly.. im a freakin halfwit. ;sigh; my world is changing rapidly. my reality is shifting under me feeling like a 6.0 on the scale. everythng i thought was.. isnt. and im bein thrown very off kilter with it. im laying here with his man breathing rhythmic near my shoulder in the dark writing this.. and im wondering as im readying to head to slumber alongside him, just what other epiphanal realizations will come to light on the morrow? what other earth shattering changes are coming my way with the dawn? and do i have the fortitude to roll with it.. ? we shall see when the sun rises.. what life altering mind boggling gut wrenching soul splitting occurances have happened to you to completely change yer perspectives on yer entire life? did you adjust well? or was yer reality shattering just too much for you to contend with?
2 people like this
17 Mar 10
When we want something to work, and have so much tied into it, we sometimes only see what we want to see, and put blinders on to the negativity, because admitting that reality will shatter our world and send us into a severe depression. Unconsciously, we know this, but not consciously. So, often in preservation of our children's environment (1st priority), sometimes we will carry on, regardless, oblivious, regardless of IQ. It is the heart involved and the heart does not always listen to reason. One of our human failings. "Rose coloured glasses" and all that. We have all been guilty of it at some point or another. btw: I like your sometimes 'different' words, I usually know what you mean or intend. If I don't, I ask. You should adjust to this new reality well, since it is so positive. You must try hard not to start 2nd guessing, or over analyzing. (I am also guilty of this practice) Try to roll into this new positive life, as you DO deserve this. Don't think you are not worth it, YOU ARE! You hear me?!
• United States
17 Mar 10
it isnt that i think i dont deserve it.. or even that i ignored the way the maggot treated me.. for the benefit of not "failing" of keeping MY vows, because that much i will readilly admit.. and chide myself for heavilly, beleive me. but it isnt JUST the maggot that ive been with that ive gone the same way with.. as far as being the "servant" im looking back over the course my life in its entirety.. and every single man ive ever known.. was the exact same way. beginnign with the day i was born and my father. before i was born.. with HIS father.. and straight on down the line. and i never thought anything was out of place.. until last evening while watching my future parents in laws at the dinner table after the random comment of being "sexist" started my brains whirling with thought. it was like someone punched me square in the back of the head right there at the dinner table and knocked all of my old thinking right out of me and then shined a big frigen spotlight on my life, and how id always thought things should be as if to say LOOK!! SEE THIS!!! weird.. realizations arent they? and the more i thinkabout it.. the more im inclined to agree with plunkie that there are Other Forces involved with all of this and my sudden transcendance into a new reality *nod*
18 Mar 10
Well, I think it is just great that the 'father-in-law-to-be' thunked you on the head and made you realize that there are better ways to do things. I like him already. Sometimes, it is just an off the cuff comment that makes us realize that life doesn't have to be like that, but it could be better, like this. And, congrats, by the way, on the impending nuptuals. to both of you.
22 Mar 10
There have probably been several, nay many of those epiphanal eye openers but their effect has diminished with the passing of time. These events occur, we are stunned, we shake ourselves, we react with laughter, fear, loathing, surprise, caution, tears, screams, shock...whatever, and we move on. Grief tends to warp our sensibilities the longest time but it too diminishes over time.