I it sucks when a parent can't punish their child without fear of going to jail!

@free_man (7337)
United States
March 21, 2010 6:10pm CST
This law came out when my childern was teenagers. My daughter didn't want to follow my rules and I splashed dish water on her for not doing what I told her to do. She called the law on me. I explained the situation and was told I couldn't do this. So that is when I told all my childern if they wanted to live in my home they would either follow my rules or they would have to find a new place to live. My daughter tried to do things her way I took her to my brother and left her there. Thank God I didn't have any more problems out of the rest of them. So what would you do if your child wouldn't do as you tell them to do? Would you go to the extent of leaving them with another family member?
6 people like this
12 responses
@Thoroughrob (11750)
• United States
22 Mar 10
I did have to send my daughter to my parents. It was that or send her away. She was sneaking out at night and going who knows where. No matter what we did, she would be so defensive and was out of control. She also had had a brain injury, and wasn't sure that was not part of the problem. My parents took her in and she walked the line with them. I do think it is wrong that they condemn us for disciplining when stronger measures are needed.
4 people like this
@free_man (7337)
• United States
22 Mar 10
Hi Thoroughrob. It was good that your parents took your daughter in. Might have been the brain injury that caused her to be this way. My daughter didn't have an excuse she was just going to do what she wanted to do. So I took her to my brother she walked the line with him he wouldn't take any BS from her. I think that stronger measures are needed too.
2 people like this
• Estonia
22 Mar 10
There was such law recently approved in our country too and I think it's really bad. I think that parents must have a right to punish their child. Of course there must be limitations set to avoid plain violence in some families, but without the right to punish it would be hard to raise the child as a complete and loyal member of society. It's known, that if kids do what they want, they turn to so called "darkside" really fast. I think I would punish my children if they would have done something really terrible and unacceptable.
4 people like this
@free_man (7337)
• United States
22 Mar 10
Hi Biomechanoid. I think there should be limits on the punishment of a child but not to the point the child has more rights then the parents. You don't discipline a child they will not learn what is wrong or right. The parents are the ones that are responsible for the child. Not the other way around.
2 people like this
@jaiho2009 (39019)
• Philippines
22 Mar 10
Hello freeman, I hate that law. If ever any of my kids will do that..i will gladly asks the officer to take my daughter/son to their custody,maybe then,they can polish her/him and discipline much more than i could do. This law only gives our kids courage not to obey us. If my child will not listen to me,i am willing to give her/him away to other family members(my brother or sister)to look after,maybe then,my kids will realize how hard it is to live far from their own parents. Kids only realize their wrong doings once they become a parent themselves.
3 people like this
@free_man (7337)
• United States
23 Mar 10
Hi Jaiho. I had no choice I wasn't able to be home and see to them all the time. I had to work and support them. So I did the only thing that would insure her saftey. My brother is an ex service man and harder on her and his children then I could be. Thank God I did this she got a college education and did something with her life.
@jaiho2009 (39019)
• Philippines
23 Mar 10
that's good then my friend. i don't have problem with my daughter,but with my second son,he's beginning to explore many things. i can't control him sometimes that i am also thinking of turning him over to my brother.
1 person likes this
@free_man (7337)
• United States
27 May 10
Hi Jaiho sorry for taking so long to respond but didn't get an email saying you had responded. The best thing you can do is all you can do. If he is out of control then do what you have to who knows it might make your son a better person. As for my daughter she did a whole lot better with my brother. She didn't think she had to go to school till my brother got ahold of her. She has a college education and works for a great firm now. She tells me she is so sorry for being such a pain in my bottom and thanks me for giving her to my brother. What ever you do before you do it pray about it and ask God to guide you in HIS way first.
@sulynsi (2837)
• Canada
21 Mar 10
I think if my kid did that to me, and the police came to the door, I'd say "here you go, please, take him/her" I wonder how great life would be in a foster home or orphanage? Fortunately, neither of my kids were difficult. They needed discipline, to be sure, but if it was physical discipline, it was never done in anger and never in public, so as to offend the sensibilities of other people. I think, if boundaries are set and consistently followed early in a child's life, then bigger problems can be avoided as the child gets older. I am blessed with two kids who are good people, people who I am proud to call my children.
3 people like this
@free_man (7337)
• United States
22 Mar 10
Hi Sulynsi. I think like you that you have to instill discipline from the start. But at this time when my child called the police I had been working two jobs to keep them in what they needed. It was hard raising children on my own. The rest of my children learned a valuable lesson after that happened. I didn't have any trouble after that.
2 people like this
@sulynsi (2837)
• Canada
22 Mar 10
Raising kids is hard work as a two parent family, I can only imagine how hard it must have been doing it on your own. Kudos to you.
2 people like this
@free_man (7337)
• United States
22 Mar 10
Hi Sulynsi. It was hard but thank God they are all grown and have families of their own. Thanks
1 person likes this
• Philippines
22 Mar 10
I don't know what to do if I had children who wouldn't listen to me. I think the children today should be taught a lesson the old way. Maybe what I'd do is send them to military school to be disciplined. At home, I would try my best to give them tough love. I would ground them, take away some allowance, or don't let them certain stuff they like to do like no TV or no computers, you can't go to that party, or whatever.
3 people like this
@free_man (7337)
• United States
23 Mar 10
Hi EnslinPorter. I tried that when my children was growing up but being a mother with two jobs it works only if you have someone there to enforce it. I had this one daughter that when she went to school she would go in the front door and walk out the back door. She did this for over half the school year. I finally got a call from the principal and had to leave my job for an hour or so to be told I would go to jail if she didn't go to school. I from that point on took her to the principal office and left her with him. That took off an hour of one of my jobs but it kept her in school.
• Philippines
23 Mar 10
Wow, that is really tough. Beyond all that, I salute you for trying your best to perform your duties as a mom even if it meant having two jobs and sometimes lose a few work hours for your children.
1 person likes this
@donna22 (1120)
22 Mar 10
Maybe calling the police was a bit OTT but come on, splashing dish water on her seems going too far as well! You have not said what you wanted her to do and yes it is your house, your rules but if she has been asked to do something so unfair then yes she is going to refuse. She may of course only be refusing because she is a tenager and they can be awkward at times. I just think splashing dish wate ron her is not the way of going about it. Really its not that far from physical assault. What did you hope to achieve by this?
2 people like this
• Bulgaria
22 Mar 10
Agree. It's good that children can protect themselves. Splashing a dish water is some kind of abuse. I don't find it is educational at all and I think it's good there is a law which restrict the parents to use such kind of punishments.
1 person likes this
@free_man (7337)
• United States
22 Mar 10
Hi Donna and bananamen. I gave my children chores hers that day was to wash the dishes. I had two jobs to support their needs and wants, I had worked a double shift at one job and needed to get ready to go to the other job the next day, it was 10pm and my sitter had gone off to bed and left my children up. I was tired and ready to just sit down and relax for a bit before I went to bed. I didn't want to hit my child I wanted her to know it wasn't going to happen again. I didn't know what else to do. God knows what went on and I know what went on when I face my judgement I won't be ashamed to face God when it is time. It says in the KJB to spare the rod is to spoil the child. My mother was really abusive I didn't want this for my children. It may not seem to be an educational way in your mind but I never had a problem out of that child again. Thank God all of my children are grown and married and have families of their own.
2 people like this
• United States
22 Mar 10
I am a single father of two boys, and yes it is a task. Especially with all the negative influences that there are succumb to these days. The more negative things and environments that they are expose to, equals less authority and power you will have over them as far as punishment this days.
@free_man (7337)
• United States
23 Mar 10
Hi Nosillo and welcome to my lot. It is hard on a single parent to raise children. There is more negative things in this world then there are positive things. I think it is wrong for people to tell a parent that they have less rights then the child has. I have seen and heard of children claiming their parnent did something and put them in jail for it and the parent didn't do anything wrong. I can see that people shouldn't beat on their children or abuse them in anyway form or fashion. But the child needs to have discipline to grow up to be a responsible citizen of their community. It says in the bible spare the rod and spoil the child in other words we are as parents to correct are children.
• Japan
22 Mar 10
I wont do that,that will make children feel we not care of them and make thing worse this i know it because I have 3 brother,my mom have to handle 3 of us a lone then my brother was very naughty and never listen what my mom said he always make trouble every where,every time then mom decide to put him on one of our family house and know what happen? after a year past he not become a good one but going really bad because he feel that we all do not love him he become far from our family and always think that we throw him out and is not easy to make him know that all thing we do just to make him go better,so....the best thing to do is get close to our children,spend time with them try to find out what they thinking,what they want and start to find the best result of the problem,because children will do nothing without any reason must be something behind that want us to know with love and care all will be just fine.
2 people like this
@free_man (7337)
• United States
22 Mar 10
Hi Anitarei and welcome to my lot. So sorry your brother became worse. As for my daughter she got her diploma and went to college she is now some big wig. I was a single mom raising children and had to work 2 jobs to support their needs and wants. My children and I share a great tough love.
1 person likes this
@skysuccess (8882)
• Singapore
22 Mar 10
free_man, I am quite surprised that the police in your country could actually come to your doorsteps over some splashing your child with dish water and especially when you are trying to discipline your own child. Are the police overreacting here? I feel that you should have made your stance as a parent and since your child had called the police, should try to communicate the gravity of her deed here. Also, I think the both of you seem to have a communication barrier and that there's a lot of work to be done here. IMO, the laws today are not one that disallow parents from disciplining their children and I believe they are only there to prevent physical harm and injuries from wayward abusive punishments. Which to me is a rarity and most of all unintentional. I hope that you are not intending to leave your daughter with your brother permanently. This will not solve anything, like it or not she is your child and as a parent we have a responsibility over them good and bad. It is never late and there will always be a way. Just don't give up! Take care and have a nice day.
@free_man (7337)
• United States
22 Mar 10
Hi Sky. This was many many years ago. I worte this cause a couple we know went to jail cause their children called the law on them and said they were being whipped by their parents. The parents spent the weekend in jail and the 2 girls spent the weekend drinking. No I thank God my children are grown and have families of their own. The parents of these 2 girls sent one of them off packing she now lives with people she don't even know. And the other one is slipping out at night sleeping with a guy way older then her. Can't say much for the parents though they are drunks.
2 people like this
• Singapore
23 Mar 10
Hi free_man, I am sure that you are equally saddened by such dysfunctions and all the more when the innocence of a child is being broken prematurely by such irresponsible acts and parenting. I know how frustrating and heart wrenching it can be but I suppose there's a consequence to every choice or decision we make. Honestly, I am scared by these incidents and just could not help looking over my shoulders to avoid this catastrophe from occurring in my family. I just say that parenting today is just not as easy as in our children days and to this day I am still working hard to relate and communicate with my children. I know it is hard and I hope that you will not be discouraged by setbacks along the way. In conclusion, I'd just share a small quote from Calvin Coolidge, America's 30th president: “Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful people with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan "press on" has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race” So, press on my friend and take care.
1 person likes this
@free_man (7337)
• United States
26 May 10
Hi Skysuccess. I am sorry for not responding earlier but didn't get your response in my email. My children are all grown now and married. This happened in the USA many years ago when I splashed my daughter with dish water. You are so right persistence is the only thing we as parents can do. Keep trying daily to get our children to understand. When I was growing up there was very little kindness from our mother she wasn't the loving kind of a person. Heck my oldest sister was more of a mother to most of the younger children in our home. Heck I thought till I was married that she must have really been my mother then my own mom. But she isn't she is only a few years older then me and it isn't possible. When I got hurt or anything bothered me I went to my sister not my mom. My mom if you went to her and stubbed your toe she would tell you to show her and she would step on the other toe she would tell you that now you don't have to think about the other hurt toe.And she thought this was funny.
1 person likes this
• Canada
22 Mar 10
Splashing dishwater was considered an 'assault'? WTH? Good call. That sure smartened up the rest of them didn't it? I am of the same mindset. If you don't like my rules, then go live somewhere else. Children nowadays hide behind that stupid law that prevents parents from disciplining them properly. Nowadays kids are just too lazy and get away with it. They have no motivation to do anything and no respect. All because they removed discipline. Once, the Children's Aid approached me, because I was assaulted by my stepson, and he lied to them and 'reported' me to them. I told them that if they felt that my methods were wrong, then they could take them and raise them without my help. But until that happens, I will raise them the way I see fit. She didn't push the issue any further.
@free_man (7337)
• United States
23 Mar 10
Hi AnnieOakley. By the way I love your handle on here. Good for you, bet you didn't have problems with your stepson after that. That is just how I feel if they can't live by my rules and me working to support them then they can move and see how hard it is to work and play too. When she called the police on me I thought to myself she should have had my mother. My mother abused all of us but I thank God she was my mother, I wouldn't have turned out to respect others. She taught us to do unto others as we would have done unto us. And I thank God for that.
1 person likes this
• Canada
23 Mar 10
Actually, no, I didn't have any more 'trouble' with him after that, as he left in handcuffs after assaulting me. That is why he 'reported' me, as revenge for having him bodily 'kicked out' of our house by the cops. And as far as I am concerned, since he never had the decency to apologize or admit his mistake, even though he was ordered by the court to do so, he is NOT welcome here on my property ever again. He is a coward, in my opinion, for suckering me from behind, knocking me out and beating me while I was unconscious. When he has asked his father if he can come here to visit him, I have instructed him to notify him that I would meet him at the end of the driveway with a baseball bat like he deserves. Strangely, he hasn't ever shown up. Go figure, eh?
1 person likes this
@o0jopak0o (6408)
• Philippines
27 May 10
well you could always give tell your government that you don't want to take care of your child and theyll put them in a foster care. This is what happened to my cousin in the uk. he called the police and told them that he is abused and such and the mother replied that if he doesn't follow the rules then take him away from me. my cousin learned it the hard way when the other kids are bullying him and such and then he retracted his story. End of story
1 person likes this
@free_man (7337)
• United States
27 May 10
Hi OOjopakOo.I don't have any children at home they are all grown and have families of their own. When I was growing up you didn't speak to your parents the way the kids get away with today. If you did you might get knocked into next week. It says in the bible to spare the rod is to spoil the child. In other words it is our duty to keep our children corrected. These bleeding heart people that think they are hurting their children by correcting their children are hurting them by not correcting their children. Sorry that your cousin got in the situation he got in. But I know several people that raise foster children and they live in a better life with these people then they did with the families they came from.
• India
26 May 10
Hello i have not faced any such with my kids, they are all grown up and married now, i follow a rule that my parents taught me.. here we have a say--- take care of your kids, till they are five years young, next contol and guide them for next 10 years till they are 15, after that behave with them like friends.. Sorry for late response.. Thanks for sharing. Welcome always. Cheers. Prof
1 person likes this
@free_man (7337)
• United States
26 May 10
Hi Professor. I think that is a good way to raise a child. But here in the US when a child reports abuse of any sort the law gets involved even if it isn't true. Some children have gotten way out of hand and the parents can't do anything with them. When I was growing up there was no protection for children my mom was real abusive. I guess that in those days parents didn't have to think they would go to jail for correcting their children. But now days when a child says they have been hit or abused the law gets involved and the parent has no rights really. Even if it is true or not the parent is the one that has to watch how and what they say to their children. It says in the bible to spare the rod is to spoil the child. I didn't beat on my children but I didn't let my children walk all over me either. I was brought up in a strict home and new my place from the age of 5 I knew what not to do. And now days kids will say to the parents if you tell them what is wrong they will call the law on their own parents. Too many spoiled children in this world as it is anyway. Thanks for sharing.